My Husband is a Cross Dresser – Now What?

Posted: April 9, 2008 in cross dress, husband cross dress, married cross dresser
Tags: , , ,

Did you just find out that your husband is a cross dresser?

This can be a scary and confusing time for you – don’t worry, you’re not alone. There are many in the transgender community who want to help you get through this tumultuous time.

Despite what may seem like a set back, your marriage can be strengthened through this.

I recently covered some of the top questions a wife of a cross dresser will have here: My husband is a cross dresser

You will also find pointers to other valuable resources. If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask!

Hugs and best wishes,


Cross Dresser Heaven

  1. Edward says:

    My wife found out i like to crossdress after 15 years of marriage. i hid it well, i am not gay but i do like lingerie and dressing up. It sould not be the end of a relation ship unless hes going out and having un safe sex no unless hes going out and having sex. but if all he wants is to dress try going along with it me and my wife have fun with it and we are going on 35 yrs of marriage . let him explain to you why he dresses and what he wants

    • janedon says:

      I”personally” have to wonder what kind of relationships Some couples have when they “Can’t” be honest with each other from the begining!

      • Marlene says:

        I agree I was with my b/f for over 5 years before I found out he was a CD. He had cheated on me with a girl half his age by having phone sex. I know some of you will say this isnt sex but yes it is. LOL Anyway. I found his shoes and thought they were (hers) thats when he told me he was a CD. I have tried to understand and dont have an issue with him doing this but I dont think I can be a part of this life. I already felt insecure with our relationship because of the phone sex thing with his BFF now this. It leaves me wondering where I fit into all of this. Lastly he was abusing his adderall mentally and verbelly abusing me, soand I took it away from him. He still said and calls me horrible name and things. I just found out a month ago he has now moved forward with taking street METH. My mom passed in Feb. and left me her home. I am dealing with all of this and I am going crazy. I have left him. Anyone in this kinda situation. I deep down love this man and I know the man that is deep inside of him. But I cant live like this anymore.

  2. Dan says:

    Crossdressing has being going on for thousnds of years. I remember when girls and wemon only wore skirts and dresses. My wife knows I crossdress and enjoys it. I crossdress every day. I am 100% hetrosexual and don’t believe in cheating. Lets face it: wemon’s clothing is fun and sexy to wear.

    • Helen says:

      How can a heterosexual male identify as a woman? I just found out my husband is a cross dresser after 6 years of marriage and a young baby. I can’t understand why he does it. I believe he identifies as a woman or is bisexual. It is hard for me to accept. Please help me understand how it starts. what is the thought process? Why do you feel sexually aroused by being dressed as a woman?

      • tabitha says:

        i am in the same position me and my husband have been married only a month n he came out we have a 1 year old daughter and idk what to do its discusting i dont even want to touch him

      • tabitha says:

        Help!!! I love him but how do i deal with it i want a MAN not inbetween..

      • Sara Stone says:

        He is not bi sexual because he enjoys the feeling of letting his feminine side out. Society say and has said for years, boys wear blue, girls have to wear pink. The cross dresser has the complete emotional set of feeling of both genders. The difference is gender not sexuality they are two different things. Sexuality identifies attraction, gender is who we are male or female. Cross dressers identify with both genders, the clothing is the outward expression of the gender one feels while cross dressing. Gay men are attracted to the same thing genetic women are,men,,,,,,, not guys that dress like girls. The mind of the cross dresser has the same feelings that a genetic woman feels. It is ONLY the outward expression of the identity that is shown through the clothing. Some sexual thrill is achieved through the tactile contact of the fabric and the rush of breaking the societal norm. Cross dressing would be better served if genetic women could view the cross dresser as just another female for that brief moment and embrace the situation. That being said cross dressers do not have the normal stresses of womanhood, periods, social stress, pregnancy, etc. In a nutshell cross dressing is a harmless thing that expresses the feelings of the male to emulate the female to try to achieve the balance of their identity that is internal. Cross dressers are only expressing what comes normal to them just the same as a genetic woman. Cross dressers feel a deep unexplainable desire to celebrate their femininity through outward expression because that is all the cross dresser has. The major disadvantage to the cross dresser is that they cannot achieve full femininity as it falls short when the clothing comes off. Please celebrate this with your husband, and help him understand that he is normal. You may find yourself closer to him than you can imagine.

      • Zara Wilson says:

        Why can women crossdres and it seems to be okay

      • zahdah says:

        The men themselves don’t even know that answer. They will usually just tell you why they “have” to. Most likely he had strong, feminine influences when he was quite young. This strength was very attractive to him, and he associated it with femininity. At first it was most likely exciting and sexual. It does seem to become like a security blanket, and they seem to feel a need for it, like an addiction. Like any other addiction, they will justify and fight for it. It you try to get them to quit, they will turn on you, for trying to take their drug of choice away. Remember this, this is not you, it’s him. How you feel is ok.

      • jane don says:

        Wife got me intrested in crossdressing as part of our sexlife 20 or 25 yrs ago& we both have fun with it! However-We are told that our mind are way more “OPEN” than a lot of folks!
        & thierin is the differance between the negitive crowd& tyhe adventurous folks–We DO know a lot of people whos marrages have not even lasted 20ys-because one or the other was/is afraid to expand boundries!

      • janedon says:

        Question–How& WHY would how someone dresses change your relationship with another person!
        Unless–All your worried about is what “OTHERS” might think or say!

      • janedon says:

        I wonder WHY the clothes one wears can affect a loving relationship!!
        If clothing can destroy a relationship–It shure was’nt a GOOD relationship!

      • janedon says:

        We have a friend who is 75yrs old& he Still can’t understand why women are allowed to wear “MENS CLOTHING””
        Isn’t this the same thing??

  3. DEBBIE says:

    i have been married for almost 29 years. halloween use to be fun to dress up. but my husband likes as a woman for halloween. i just found out my husband is a cross dresser and that is why he looks forward to halloween.
    some one from the party has started a tradition by leaving womans clothes in a bag by my front door every year close to that holiday. it use to be fun till i found out it isn’t anymore. i asked him if he was gay he said no. he said it relieves stress. i said fine just dont throw it in my face. went to put laundry away today and all those dresses are in the closet next to his. he has even gone as far to shave his chest,navel,arms,arm pits and legs. i find it hard to sleep with him. he feels like sand paper. any advise from anyone on how to handle this would be grateful. i thought we had the fairy tale marriage but now i feel i’m in a scene of “tootsie”. please help me to come to grips with this. he doesnt do this when i’m home, i asked him not to.i haven’t even wanted sex. i love him but not sure he feels the same, he is rubbing my face in it by hanging womans clothes in the closet. it makes me feel like he is living with 2 woman. please help

    • lori says:

      Hi, I know how you feel.
      I came home from work and he was on the couch in one of my dresses!!
      I said get my dress off right now and what the f— is going on?
      He told me and wow
      It is very hard to see him like this,it is not the same now
      I want a man man,that will hold me tight, not someone who I have to nourcher in a different way.
      he went to dressing everyday after work now.
      we are now living apart and he is a good friend than a husband(sure miss my husband)
      he will start slow and gradually keep adding things or doing it more often.
      now the kids found out and they want nothing to do w/ him or me if I am around him(bad situation, now i have to choose between children and husband)
      my childen always come first
      this is one big mess, i miss the masculine part of a man.

      • Debbie says:

        I understand how you ladies feel. We don’t have children and he is a good man otherwise he just likes to wear women’s clothes. I agree your husbands will start to do more and more and time goes on. My husband started out shortly after we were married by wanting to try on my evening gown. I thought he was being funny and said ok. This was about ten years ago. He now wears bra and panties every day and most nights he sleeps in long nightgowns. I may come home and find him in a long maxy dress or short skirt..
        I do have a couple questions. I posted here instead of talking to my girl friends for a reason and need input. I could talk to one of my girls friends but they all know him and not sure they would blab…Or would you care?..Have you talked to your lady friends that know your husband?

        My second thought is I will not leave him but I told him that if he wants to do this I want to start sleeping with MEN !! I am not sure if I should pursue that and his only response is he wants me happy and does not want me to leave him…should I?..he is terrified I may leave him.

      • Janedon says:

        How can how one dresses or dos’nt dress be harmful to children or a marrage? I understand about Abuse/addiction to booze dope gambling ect.–But clothing?

      • janedon says:

        We have a fried who is 75yrs old& he Still can’t understand why women are Wearing “MENS CLOTHES–Isn’t this the same kind of thinking?

      • jane says:

        Lori–Reading your story over again–I see a few things–You want a REAL man(who dresses the part—Are you a REAL woman who allways dresses the part(not mens clothes)?
        Kids are usally pretty accepting–Unless they are influanced by someone–
        Are you that “Someone”?

    • michellecd says:

      debbie, i enjoy dressing as michelle also. it’s a fantasy and i like wearing lingerie. i especially like bras n panties. I do think it does relieve stress too. I also wear hose n heels when i dress in skirts, blouses or sweaters. i even try getting “caught” by my g/f has i try to wear my bra up to the point she comes over. i take it off knowing i have bra marks for her to discover.

    • Tammy says:

      hun, have you found any solice? I am in the exact same situation. I feel for you. R U ok? I too am struggling to find out how to deal with this.

      • jane says:

        Tammy–If you love your husband how is it that Clothing can ruin your love for him??

      • jane says:

        Change is the only costant in life–By reject husbands/Boyfriends ect because they act/dress differant–Your basicly saying that since that’s OK–If women gain wieght–Men should be excused for rejecting the women in their lives–Same thing!!

      • Lisa says:

        Ok ok it seems that every comment has been met with some type of misunderstanding so let’s get it fresh from the start he is a cross dresser ok. Girls leave him call him a fag a queer treat him like he is a rapest

    • roswell1111 says:

      Debbie, it is obvious that YOU are the one being selfish! It is ok for you to dress manly, but you are so selfish you don’t allow the same liberty for your most loved spouse?? Get a grip, your legs have felt like “sandpaper” to him many times, but I bet he never complained.. Geesh, you are the problem! You are probably on your feet, now, because of his resources, so now you want an excuse to “move on”… You probably have even told some of your friends about his habits so you’ll “look good” to them during the departure.. You are a selfish sick bitch..!

      • Anne says:

        Hi Debbie,
        Don’t listen to people like roswell1111, who say you are being selfish, and so on. You have a right to feel the way you do. You had no part in creating this situation, so how can you be selfish? You have been lied to, it’s natural to feel betrayed. My question is, what can you live with? I’ve been living with my CD husband for 14 years. It comes in cycles. I am exceptionally good at analyzing people. Everytime he went into his CD mode, he would become very self absorbed. At first I would, understandably, become very angry each time. Just recently, God has led us each in our own journeys. Mine involved telling him all my pain and hurts, keeping my heart open, and loving him no matter how painful it got. His seems to have been to see exactly what it is he’s doing, and part of that “forest” is my pain. We have not finished yet, but it’s finally becoming bearable. There’s ever so much more to our story, anything you’d like to know, just let me know.

    • sandy1111 says:

      Debbie, it sounds to me as though you might be insecure about your own body.. Are you over-weight, out of shape, or wrinkling up in your face? All of these things are things that have changed about YOU since you have been married, but I’ll bet he still loves you… I agree with a previous post that says you are being selfish! I’d bet you have at least a dozen more shoes than he has also….. But you complain if he likes to feel pretty? (I guess you reserve that feeling for yourself)? You have probably achieved some “position” at work, I would guess, and now you feel “you don’t need him”….? You’ll suffer when you cheat with your lame excuse.. Must be some expert of professional “hitting” on you at work.. You are pathetic, selfish, and easily seen through….. He would be better off without your shallow ass!

      • Cindy says:

        Sandy, you are the ass here

      • Susan says:

        Are you kidding me … I had to answer this one. The man likes ACTING like a woman in bed!! she has LOST her husband to this fetish!! a REAL woman enjoys a masculine presence in the bedroom .. that is why she married a MAN. They both didn’t wear wedding dresses did they?? good grief .. unbelievable. I have been married to a cross dresser for 20 years so I have a right to say. I KNOW the details .. and guess what … cross dressers DO NOT like EVER having sex as a man … that’s act is just to get the woman .. then NO sex unless he’s wearing pantyhose. So say good bye to the man you married .. he is gone .. and he won’t come back from this fetish .. this fetish is life long. No matter what the consequences they won’t change .. they can’t .. they want to be FEMINE in the bedroom period!! this is fact. And I had the most manly husband you could have imagined. When we were dating ALL my friends wanted him .. 6 ‘1 body builder .. yep that’s right I said body builder. That was a front. He told me right up front what he liked. But guess what .. he NEVER told me it’s what he PREFERRED until this year. I lost my man MANY years ago .. leave now .. so you can start your life with a REAL man .. because that’s is what you are attracted to .. not a man who wants to feel feminine in the bedroom. There are the facts. If your man wants more shoes than you … that’s a problem .. that most NORMAL people can see. This person who thinks your selfish is a MORON .. and obviously likes feeling pretty too .. and I bet resents you for being a REAL girl. They ALL do. Cross Dressers will resent you for a lifetime .. I know all about it. Move on .. there is a better life for you. Trust me.

      • zahdah says:

        To all the cross dressers commenting on here, piss off, this is for the real woman in the relationship. I am married to a recovering cross dresser, 16 years, so lots of experience here. You name it, probably been there. All that crap that the “men” on here say, I’ve heard it before. Funny thing is, all addicts say the same thing. At first I tried to accept it, I’m a married for lifer, but could not get around how it made me feel. I’m a very open, emotional person, so cannot pretend other than what I feel. Unless I close my heart. Now that my husband has experienced my heart, it breaks his if mine is closed. Unless he’s cross dressing. Then he’s happy with whatever lets him continue. I’m a people reader. I have always seen it as a selfish addiction, because its all about what he wants. Do you want his legs shaved? Isn’t he more concerned with what he wears, than you? When’s the last time he bought you something sexy? How about asked you what you want in bed? Don’t leave him, but do not let yourself be lost in his addiction. You can love him without going along with him. I have stuck to my guns (cause sometimes I wanted to shoot him 🙂 and its been almost 15 years since I found out. Last Dec. he saw part of the truth. Yesterday he said ALL cross dressers are completely self absorbed. His words. I still have pain (enormous pain) and serious trust issues with him, but he loves me more and more every time he takes another step away from this addiction. And part of what made that possible is me loving him, always, but never accepting his addiction as part of him.

    • Zara Wilson says:

      Why can women crossdress and it is not an issue

    • janedon says:

      So-You’ve let him know that You think his dressing is discusting(repulsive)& YOU want NO part of it–In other words–PUSHED him away& even shut off sex as a punishment–
      Ask yourself –How do you consider these actions right/fair or justifyed & do YOU think this is the way to come to terms?
      Does your husband treat you bad?
      Does he punish you for YOU doing what YOU like?

    • Jay says:

      He isn’t rubbing your face in it. Maybe he is moving a little bit quickly but that is actually very normal for a crossdresser. Hanging his fem clothes in the closet next to his is just a way of bringing some for lack of a better word, normal, to the whole dressing part of his life. Trust me when I say he has already beat himself up over the whole dressing thing. I dress and it took me a long time to come to grips with who I am. A very gifted hard working man with a giant heart. I am not bi or gay and nothing is more erotic to me than the site of a woman dressed also. You need to try and get the past the whole society says he must want to be a woman or he must be gay thing. I am willing to bet he can’t tell you why he does it. Hell I don’t know why. It just is. Remember it is not about you in any way. It is about him. Just learning to set aside your preconceived notions about dressing and actually allow him to dress around you. That really is the only way you will be able to start accepting him for who he is. I am sure you will see just how attentive he is and remember the clothes don’t make the man. As a modern woman you probably crossdress on a daily basis. That is how most crossdressers view a woman in jeans, t-shirt and tennis shoes. i am here to talk if you would like to. I am a leader of men and have been my whole life and I am a crossdresser.

  4. dianne says:

    dear debbie, i hear ya about sleeping with sand paper…it sucks, my fiance told me he was a cross dresser when i first met him…i am cool with it but he hides things alot from me because i am not in to it like he is…i find it exhausting…he chats with other girls and has gg friends he confides in instead of me…maybe i should rethink the marriage thing. sometimes i think crossdreesers are selfish…they don’t consider other peoples feelings and just worry about pleasing themselves…

    • michellecd says:

      it seems we are selfish but we really want to share our feelings with the women in our life.

    • littleone says:

      very true, extremely selfish and and very much in love with themselves. why even bother getting into a relationship with a real woman. deception rules in their lives to destroy others without realizing their actions are one sided. it is ok to be honest, I agree that many women would not mind if it fits their lifestyle., it 100 percent awesome experience. or perhaps just a friendship and not sexual relationship as far a in a marriage. It fails when it is one sided. Godd luck to all of you.

    • Anne says:

      It is all about them, they want to do what they want(CD) and also have what they want(you). Having been, and still am, in that journey, I would suggest you ask yourself can you love him completely like this? If no, then don’t marry him, at least not yet. My husband and I are on a journey of healing right now, he has just put away all his “stuff” once again. Not sure where he’s headed, but I don’t believe devorce is the answer. I posted a little bit if my story above, but in happy to answer any questions you might have. Gods love.

    • janedon says:

      Deb–Does he try to disaude YOU from doing things YOU like to do?

    • janedon says:

      Deb/dianne& others- The sandpaper thing is easialy solved–Just get invoved& Tell him he’s not very convincing if he dos’nt shave well–I’ll bet you hubbies Want to not hide& allso to share things with you–Mabe consider getting involved & get on with your relationships–
      No one(including YOU) is the same person that you were when you were just dating or newlywed-Things& people change–Long term relationships often have the sex& varity of sex dimish–One or the other gains control of who couple socialize with & what you do with any Free time–Gain wieght-Stop dressing to attract& generally take the excitment-Newness out of the relationship–
      These are just a few excamples-I could go on& on–
      You seem to want the man to accept any changes in YOU but reject changes in Him!
      The Only constant in Life Is Change!
      You Can embrace change or you can destroy everything you’ve strived for-
      Your choice!

    • jane says:

      Dianne–You can allway DEMAND that if he wants to shave–he do a better job!

  5. dianne says:

    oh, and debbie,i have to sleep with the sheets between us so i dont feel like i am sleeping with a pin cusion

  6. bea says:

    So there is no happy relationship with a crossdrsser? It makes me sad…I use to adore him till do but I am so scared that I put myself in lot of heart break. He wants get pounded by a TS just to see he says as if I was an idiot.He doesn’t care about my emotions and fears. I won’t forbid him anything I would like that he has a little bite considereation for me too.
    I feel alone.

    • Daniel says:

      Ever here of a two-way street. You must be able to love him for mim, as you want him to love you for you. What is in your closet? I am a married crossdressing male. My wife has no issues with it. The reason, I am just being myself. I do keep my legs and under arms shaved. I am 100% hetrosexual. I even have a college degree. I am better than no-one, and nobody is better than me. Yes, I remember when a female, had no desire to crossdress. They do it every day now. A woman looks hot in a dress; not pants. Try seeing his side of the story, and realize, that it is not an attack.

      • Susan says:

        his side would be one sided. She married a MAN .. I am sorry but that includes have sex without your husband feeling pretty. Hetro woman are attracted to MEN who act and DRESS like men .. its the masculinity that we desire in the BEDROOM just like cross dresser desire femininity .. DAAA not hard to understand. But you’re not thinking of the woman are you? not surprising .. cross dressers are COMPLETELY self absorbed .. you need to realize that.

      • janedon says:

        Susan-I just have to ask–Are YOU excatly the same woman that he dated& married?

      • Lisa says:


        I am glad that your marriage is going good I am glad for you and if he was selfless that is not good I made sure I was not though I was in the military for 19 years and was wounded in action in 2007 in Iraq it changed me and the male part of my body. What hurt the worst was that sex became more I possable with my wife you see pills are not what I call normal and hate the fact that the one thing between my legs is what makes a person male or female. And some many Christians put a anything not normal as a outcast and that is not gods love. You see so many men feel that they have to be ashamed of who they are and the good man inside them is pushed in to the dark and what is left over is there to be looked at. I my self am transgender and am doing now what makes me happy I have had my life turned upside down and I changed for some one else and William Shakespeare stated it best to thy own self to true. I wish you and your husband the best

        Lisa Kay

    • michellecd says:

      hi bea, I think you are right. He’s taking it a little too far. At least in my opinion. i’m a crossdresser also but i don’t have the desire to be what you refer to as “get pounded by a TS”. Not me… but i do enjoy dressing in lingerie and even have some nightwear. My g/f and I don’t live together either. she hasen’t been in my bedroom dresser drawers either. My focus sexually is to bring her to orgasm. Anyway, if you’d like to chat more about this, you can email me. i’m not a perve.

    • Sherry says:

      the question is can you give up your cross dressing and not resent her for it in the end destroying your marriage in the long run and the second question is how does she fit into your future and how is she affected by you being a cross dresser

      if he is saying he wants to get pounded by a ts my suggestion to you is go get an STD Check and ask him to do the same and get him to write permission to Dr for you to know the results of his test and for you to do the same write permission also don’t forget follow up tests to, just remember that your tests will be invasive but his wont and if you are going to have sex with him always insist on protection

    • Used2BHisPrincess says:

      Aw… I came here looking for a hug and someone to make me feel better, but you need one as much as me. Hugs. I have no idea how to deal with my situation, or yours, but hugs I got.

    • janedon says:

      Your emotions& what YOU like or dislike –Your imaginarry fears–

  7. punkita says:

    I doon’t think a relationship is necessarily doomed when you find out your sig. other crossdresses. There can be a happy medium there, as long as you can still see the person you fell in love, and hopefully are still in love with. This lives inside of them, they can’t help it, and the more you try to suppress it, the more likely you are going to have them decieve you. My partner cross dresses, he is not gay, like my ex husband, though there are still fears inside my head. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night wondering if I can deal with this, or if our relationship will change over the years. He assures me that we can take it only as far as is comfortable for me. He says that if I don’t like it or don’t want him to do it, “the box” will go up into the closet and stay there. I figure though, if I’m going to love him and be with him I should be able to understand him, his wants his needs, like he tries to understand mine. If I can’t deal with it, then I shouldn’t be with him.

  8. T says:

    During conversation a few weeks ago my husband announced he would love to try womens lingerie on as he loved the feel of it on me, I promptly went out and bought him some, its moved on from there to him wearing a maids outfit, basques, corsets, wig, heels etc but only for our fun days where we spend the whole day focussing on each other and our needs. I have to say its the best thing ever our sex life has increased no end of which we are both very happy about.

    I went through some doubts ie does he really want to become a woman, will he want to wear it out, will it be the only way we can have sex, so I openly discussed all my concerns with him and made him aware of how I felt so far so good we have no problems.

    Luckily we are both different sizes so he was never going to be able to wear my things, which I have to say I wouldn’t like.

    I think as long as you are both open and honest with each other then its something that can enhance your relationship. I am aware that not all crossdressers do it for sexual gratification and that it runs much deeper for some but again as long as your honest and your partner is accepting I see no problems.

  9. Kristine says:

    To Debbie and Diane about the sandpaper comments. Help him to understand that he needs to shave and use depilatories daily to keep a smooth feeling about him and that the sandpaper bothers you. Work with him. Lingerie feels just as sexy to him when he wears it as it does to you.

  10. Sharon says:

    Hi i have been trying to deal with my Husband cross dressing for none years and still find it really hard. he dresses up in front of me almost every night. everything is so tough to deal with I DON’T GET IT i love my husband so so much but when he is dressed up i can’t even look at him i know that i should be more open minded about this i have tried to talk to him but he just clams up i have even considered leaving him, but love him so much can some one please explain why HELP!!!!

    • Wendy says:

      Hi Sharon I’ve been with a man for four years. I’m with you, I can’t even look at him when he dresses up. He’s 6 2″ and skinny. He looks like a male hooker wearing womens slutty clothes. At one time I thought that I wanted to marry him. I’m 11 years younger than he is. I think he had me a bit brain washed that he was only
      a crossdresser. Now he says things like, “oh, can’t I just get some small breasts, or can’t I take hormones, or let’s go somewhere so I can live as a woman full time.”
      He also talks about wanting other MEN to “F” him. To me, that makes him gay. He’s the vice president at his company, has 3 grown children and an ex-wife. To
      them he’s Mr. perfect, successful, wealthy. I get the painted toes and the swaying hips!! OMG, what have I done. Wasted 4 years of my life. Not a day goes by
      that he doesn’t make reference to him being a transsexual. He should have been honest in the beginning before I moved and quit my job and left my family and friends.
      Now I have to start over at almost 50 years old.

    • janedon says:

      Nice to read some common sense& Honesty–If a relationship was WEAK before the crossdressing-It’s likely not going to get any better after!

  11. Kristine says:

    Sharon, have you seen the divorce rate? 50% or more, if you support a crossdressing husband he will stay with you for LIFE! ita a dream come true for many of us. Go to his drawer, throw out all of his mens underwear and fill the drawer with panties, Have a talk with him, set some guidelines and you will be together for ever.

    • rusty says:

      i love your blog, i told my wife and now things are so much we started out slow male thongs and such but not tell her about my secret to dress complete and want to get pounded by her well we bought a life like strap on wig and ect.. and she has been giving me pantys before i go to work sharing all her cloths its so much fun she looks down at people that trip on their husbands when they tell them she also keeps me under control cause i use to be to dom.tough guy act well i have lived a hard live but it well levels things out and shes helping me i want to be with her forever also i use to want to cheat but dont have the desire for anyone else cause she’s perfect we have kids so it’s a secret i wouldnt go out in public cause i would not wanna ruin her image or mine i ride a harley and could kick most guys up but i also dress like a whore and get fucked in the ass by my sexxy ex-striper wife size 0 we are a sexxy couple thanks for reading have fun and dont take it to serious just wear cloths or dont

  12. Sharon says:

    Well Kristine Like you said a dream come true for many of you but to me is my worst nightmare. i have tried guidelines for years and tried to come to compromises but never works. there is never any us time always his time. i have tried to talk so many times but all i get is that he wants to go full time, but he does not consider anybody else what about the problems his kids will get. like i said he does not care about anyone but himself i wish what you said was that easy but with my husband nothing is easy…….i get so mad with him all the time for how selfish he is i never ask anything of him but seeing him like that makes me feel sick..

    • Kristine says:

      Sharon, it has been a few years since we emailed and I was wondering how you and your husband are doing, I’d like to hear from you if you are willing to my email address

    • janedon says:

      SO-Sharon–Your main concern is what others might say or think?
      Sounds like you Allready had major problem in your marrage when the clothing someone wears can make you consider divorce!
      Who is being selfish here-REALLY?

  13. christine says:

    How sad you feel this way. Sex is great when my husband is dressed as a french maid. I foundout he liked my clothes when he started talking to me about the feel of lingerie and it was such a turn on. I had a better orgasm than ever and couldnt believe my reaction to it. He goes crazy when I tell him we are going out whilst he is dressed and I know we will do so inthe future. I would like that.

    Go with it – its fantastic.

    • michellecd says:

      Hi Christine. very nice comments. you are sooo right about the feeling. I become so aroused when I put on my stockings, bra and panties… Opps better stop…

  14. Kristine says:

    Sharon, I am sorry that I and your husband havn’t done better to understand and be more sensitive. I know if my wife allowed me even some break or compromise I would be so happy, but I get absolutely nothing. If it helps knowing every cross dresser isn’t like your husband is being, Mine started when I was molested for 3-4 years by an older brother. I went to sleep at nights wishing the parts of me he was touching would go away, and to be a girl was all I could think of. Now, I still fight depression, and crossdressing is my escape. It isn’t even sexual, I don’t even do anything but be a girl and forget for a while those terrible things. I support you, your husband should agree to some guidelines that you find acceptable, and that includes keeping it private from the kids. I suspect you won’t, but you can mail me if you want to chat more at, but I suspect I wont hear from you. Good luck and god bless you.

    • rusty says:

      i know what you mean im i powerful person respected but when im a girl i dont think about bad stuff thats happen to me or the stress of being a role model or anything it’s an ecsape but i do get off to it as well

  15. Kathy says:

    Sharon, I can understand what your saying to a point. I found out about 6 months ago that my husband is a cross dresser. We’ve been married for 16 years and I’m so confused. I married a man not a woman. He says he’s not gay. I wonder everyday how to deal with all the emotions I have about him. My husband is very understanding and will talk to me but if I don’t know how I feel how can I talk to him about it. I agree with the prickly’s of him shaving once a week. Our saving grace is that we each have our own blankets. I have put restrictions on making love. He can NOT dress up at that time. I want a man in bed. I am a Christian and wonder the consequences for him. I don’t want to be an enabler but I don’t want to push him away with out trying. I love him but it’s so hard sometimes. I’m not sure what the future holds for us but for now I’m trying to understand.

    • angela says:

      I know how you feel. I found out about my husband a year ago. He kept it a secret for 10 years. I am also a Christian and don’t know how to deal with this. He is so ashamed and still sneaks around even though I said I didn’t mind. He doesn’t like to talk about it. I asked him if he is gay or wants to be a woman – says that he doesn’t but isn’t sure what will happen in the future. We hardly ever have sex – says he just isn’t interested in it. I am the only woman he has ever slept. Should I be worried? Please help!!

  16. Jennifer says:

    Does anyone know of any support groups for women? I just found pictures of my husband (of 6 years) on our digital camera of him dressed in my barmaid/German girl halloween costume. When we were first married I found out he liked to wear tights. A few months into marriage I realized he can only climax sexualy when he is wearing tights or we are talking about it. I asked him if he was gay an he said no. I asked him if he liked to dress in womens clothes and he said no. So I decided I loved him and I would work through him wearing tights. So when I accidentally found this picture, on our way to my grandmothers for Christmas eve, I was devastated. We are practicing Catholics ane he is very strict in several areas of his life which confuses me where this comes from. Please help!

  17. Sharon says:

    Hi Jennifer

    I’m Sorry i do not know any support groups but have been on here for help myself, I know it is upsetting when you find out i did not so long ago its hard to get your head around, have you spoke to your husband about the photograph? if not if you feel you can try to talk to him i hope you are ok and would love to chat more take care

  18. justathought says:

    I wanted to drop thought that I think most females tend to forget.

    Two women (friends) meet in the street (not gay or bi), they hug and kiss each other other cheek. They may even stroll off down the street arm in arm. Does anyone bat an eye lid, no!

    Two guys (not gay or bi) do the same. Most would stare and point.

    The two women mentioned before are both wearing jeans and typically styled guy type clothes. Does anyone stare or point? Of course not, it’s accepted.

    Do a role reversal and a guy that wears anything remotely reserved for females and it creates a big stir. Why?

    I find it ironic that the term equality is thrown around these days. But if that is what most women want then it’s a two way street.

    So what if your husband/boy friend wants to wear dresses, stockings, heels or whatever. Most cross dressers are NOT gay or bi. The majority are heterosexual.

    I would think that any guy who is in touch with his feminine side would be a welcome blessing. Of course keeping everything in moderation is the key. And of course keeping the line of communication open is also important to strong relationship too.

    I’ve been cross dressing for many years. Fortunately my previous girl friends and my present partner accepts my cross dressing. It’s a part who I am. I think she’d rather have me CDing than being your typical chauvinistic alpha male any day!

  19. Kat says:

    I just want to say I was so relieved to find this blog, it makes me feel more comfortable with my situation.
    My serious boyfriend and I are both in high school. About three months into our relationship, he revealed to me that he enjoys wearing women’s underwear (all kinds). When we talk about moving in together, he also says that he’d like to wear more women’s clothing and lingerie, such as tight jeans, bras, skirts, heels, etc.

    I’ve always been really liberal in my values, so I’m definitely more accepting than any other gf he could have, but sometimes I’m scared he wants a guy instead of me. He swears he’s straight, and I believe him, but I can’t help but jump to conclusions.

    Any advice? Thank you ❤

    • T. Schiesser says:

      Get out of the relationship. NOW! Run and don’t look back. It will never end and it gets worse
      as they get older. It can ruin your entire feminine side, sexually and otherwise. You will lose your respect for him and wind up not loving him for anything.

    • jane says:

      KAT—Most relationships/marrages fail–But-the fact that your boyfriend Cares enough to be open(so early in the relationship)& honest with you says a whole lot!!
      Relationships fail when one or the other is NOT open& honest with the other!
      It’s about accepting the others differances–Not about Controling the other person!
      As you can read among these comments–People are talking divorce/seperation for the sole reason that they are afraid of what “OTHERS” might think or say or can’t/won’t accept change-That attitude is No differant then men divorcing their wives’ because they gain wieght!!

  20. Rachel says:

    Hi Kat,

    I’m a very happily married guy that loves to wear “womens” clothes from time to time. If you saw me as a male, you would never guess, as I’m a totally regular guy…into sports, busy social and totally hetrosexual.

    Just because I love to dress in beautiful dresses and gorgeous lingerie doesn’t make me any less of a man. Women have far nicer clothes than men. They are far more comfortable, made from much softer fabrics and have beautiful colours!!

    My wife was almost devasted when I first told her of my love for womens clothes and we both cried for ages. We weren’t even married then, but have now been married for over 12 years and both find a lot of laughter and companionship from it. She knows that I adore her and her understanding, and that I would do anyhthing to keep things as they are.

    My advice: try to accept your bf for who he is. He’s being open and honest with you, and you’ll have a loving partner for life!

    Hope this helps,


  21. steve says:

    I am a male and love to wear womans clothes. I am married and have six grown kids and ten grandkids. With both of us in our 50”s we wanted to have more fun. My wife love’s for me to dress up for her completly and i do. Sinse i have real long hair it turns her and myself on more than we imagined. You only live once enjoy it.

  22. Karma says:

    I just found out that my husband wants to start cross dressing and has been fantasizing about it for a long time. I’m really confused.

    • T. Schiesser says:


    • janedon says:

      Do YOU Never wear slacks or other Mens style clothing?
      Why don’t you think that Men should have EQUAL opertunity?

  23. Nemo says:

    My husband of nearly four years has recently told me that he loves to wear womens clothing.
    I’ve tried to be understanding and supportive, but honestly, it’s getting to be too much. This was shortly after he’d already dropped the bombshell on me about him joining the military. By the time he’d told me, he’d already started the paperwork to sign his life away. And then after he finished training, he told me about his fetish, and it pretty much killed me.
    I try to be open minded, and I really don’t have a problem with crossdressers, transsexuals, or gay men, but when my husband tells me he likes to wear women’s underwear, it was the final straw. I thought I could compromise and allow him to wear women’s underwear, as long as it stayed at that, but he went behind my back, started buying jeans (after he’d promised not to), and then the other day, I caught him looking at makeup tutorials. He’s not being honest with me about this, and quite frankly, I’m finding it hard to be sexually attracted to him anymore. And then the other day, he finally admitted that he was on CD forums, but the only reason why he admitted it is because one of my best friends’ middle name is Dawn, and apparently that’s part of his screen name. I desperately want to talk to my mother or my best friend or SOMEONE that I know and trust about this, to get some support from people that I know love me, but he made me promise not to, yet here he is, going behind my back and breaking his promises to me. I’m tired of hearing all the comments from him and from other women in a similar situation, “It’ll strengthen your relationship and it can be fun!” BULL. I can’t even ask him if he likes an outfit that I’m trying on, because I’m always thinking he likes it on *him*, not on *me*! Yes, I’m selfish, but I think after all that I’ve gone through for him, I have a right to be. The only reason I’m still married to him is because we have a toddler.

    • Andrea says:

      I’d really like to talk with you! I’m going through the same thing … (anderamee @ gmail)

    • graham says:

      well he ied to tou buy strap on show him how it feel to become wife make him do all the housework that happen to me i become the women of the house wend i at home my wife dos no housework she said like to dress like women im now hre maid so make your doing housework and teat him women you buy the women clothes he has to wear because you nice wend you take out

    • Blue_eyes says:

      I hold the same feelings and fears as many in this forum. We are not alone. i have left my husband as it has got out of control now and i feel totally lied, deceived and insulted by him doing it

    • Kimberly Bradford says:

      I’m currently going through the same exact thing and would really love to talk to you. PLEASE email me…

    • Kimberly Bradford says:

      @Nemo I’m currently going through the same exact thing and would really love to talk to you. PLEASE email me…

  24. ashley says:

    I’m a crossdressing gal and am lucky to have a supportive, interested and wonderful wife who loves it. I do one thing though that makes it work on my end for her… I always think about her.

    for me, its a gender thing, yep, I’m transgendered, not a fetish crossdresser. As a woman, I feel more compassion, love, care and empathy for others, I am more thoughtful and gentle — and I make for darn sure I share that with her.

    As a result she benefits from transformation just like I do…

    oh, and the sex is hawt omg 🙂

  25. CarpeDiem says:

    Im a Crossdresser and My Wife hates it…. do i give up crossdressing or my marrage….

    • Sherry says:

      the question is can you give up your cross dressing and not resent her for it in the end destroying your marriage in the long run and the second question is how does she fit into your future and how is she affected by you being a cross dresser

    • janedon says:

      I kind of wonder–If (according to a lot of females here) how thier husbands dress can wreck thier relationships–Just how stong/good are thier relationships in the first place!

  26. Wanda says:

    I think it’s better to be secretive about one’s cross dressing. Keeping it private keeps it in control. Once discovered, the person usually brings it all out in the open. This is bad for a previously devoted couple. Ladys, your man’s CD could most likely continue without much disgust if you set the “I don’t want to see it” rule. That was the way before discovery anyway. If you’re man violates the rule intentionally or wants to go “full time”, you have a decision to make. Once out, it will be impossible to put the genie back in his bottle. I would say “Save yourself”. If you want to stay in the marriage for the children and your man wants to dress every night, take up a hobby or take on a part time boyfriend. You don’t have to hanga around if you don’t like it.

    Cross Dressers like other fetishists, have been imbued with this compulsion by some sort of experience they had in early childhood. It is a strong and overwelming compulsion at times and hard to fight. I know. This sort of thing can get quickly out of hand if not dealt with.

  27. Sarah says:

    Hello, a few months into my relationshsip with my now fiance, I found a pair of panties in his drawer. I teased him and said now what pretty little thing fit in these? He laughed and brushed me off.
    A few months later, with some liquid courage he said they were his. What a shocker! We did not talk about it for a while because I became pregnant. (Bigger priorities) We have been through a lot in 2 years. He was always so sad some times. Kept saying he was uncomfortable in his own skin.That he never felt sexy. I bugged him and bugged him. Asked him if he was gay, he is NOT.
    I am just now getting it out into the open with him, I told him my # 1 no nos with his CD. Not in front of the kids, not in public, and I didn’t care if he dressed up once in awhile during sex but not all the time, I am a woman who needs her hunky man. so he better be able to stand at attention. (if ya know what I mean)
    I told him if he does not feel comfortable with these limitations to not be afraid to tell me, not be sneaky. i told him he needs to start being happy! He has spent so long being miserable. I just can’t wait to see how much he blooms when we start experimenting.
    My man has a heart of gold, that is now going to be even more full with love for me. I look forward to our future. Point me to the isle with the silky panties please!

  28. Max says:

    When my fiance and I first started going out, it was so normal. Then one day a few months in we are driving home to my parents house and I told her I wondered what it was like to have sex with a girl wearing a strap on. The car ride was a little uncomfortable after I said it, but being dumb, I just decided to get it all over with and told her I had a thing for trannies and shemales. At the time, I never really had any desire to dress because I am a manly man and I knew I would be so ugly that it would almost be funny. So flash forward to now, I don’t really dress, though I have been curious before. She has helped me come to terms with my bisexuality and we recently started using craigslist to meet with other bi guys in our area for some discreet fun. Now since I have been with her, I have bought a few strapons for her to use on me (and also a girl friend of hers once) and she has confided in me that she is also pretty kinky, though not to my extended. Anyways, one guy sent us a reply saying he liked to dress up in a dress and panties sometime and she was really interested in meeting with this guy (as was I) well it didn’t pan out with him and later on that weekend we both got really drunk and I don’t know who brought it up, but she dressed me in her clothes (we are roughly the same size though I am bigger) and she dressed in a football jersey and backwards hat and we did a little role reversal and man, I really loved it! She told me later on that while she did like it, she also liked being the pretty one and that it is something we could do every so often (she even said we should get a wig during the act) Well that was a few weeks ago and I have been thinking about it off and on ever since. I really want to do it again but after reading some of these I am afraid I will chase her off. It’s a mixed bag, I never knew I would want to dress till this (though I had wondered) Anyways, I don’t want to lose her, but I want to dress again. I am hoping after a few more nights like that we are eventually just do it without having to be drunk. It is not something I would want to do often, but I would still want to do it again all the same!

    • N.J. says:

      Hi Max! Sounds like you’ve been really open with her and that she has been very accepting and even willing to explore. This is all good and you should keep going in this direction. I am married to a wonderful CD, who told me about his interest very early on and over the course of our relationship we (together) have developed the interest into full blown crossdressing. I won’t lie, sometimes it isn’t the easiest, and a lot of what has been said above is true, but I know for me, the more open he is about his feelings and thoughts and the more we explore and experience together the easier it gets. One piece of advice I would give is be patient… You definitely need to make sure she gets what she needs of you being the GUY she met and fell in love with, but let her know how much you’ve enjoyed these past experiences and let her know that anytime she’d be interested in exploring more that you are all for it.

      Good luck!

  29. Kimmie says:

    My husband of 2 years just came out last night. I wasn’t angry, sad, depressed or anything like that. I love him…I married him for him & if this is who he is…then I’ll still love him. Actually I am openly bisexual, and a couple weeks ago I dressed him in a wig & my clothes (just for kicks), but it turned me on. Since then I’ve noticed him wearing my underwear & other things…which didn’t bother me. So when he told me that he has always been like this since he was a young kid & that he didn’t know if something was wrong with him or not…I let him know that there IS NOT ANYTHING wrong with him. He is just expressing who he is & how he feels. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH CROSS DRESSING! It shouldn’t be the make it or break it of a perfectly good marriage. &&& HONESTLY! The sex after him telling me this last night was AMAZING! We feel closer to each other. They have support groups for wives/gfs of CD’s email me & I can refer you to them, but don’t let this ruin your marriage ladies. Remember that you married him for him b.c you love him & he loves you & right now…he needs you more than anything to accept him for who he is. Sorry for maybe sounding like a b**** but this is how I feel about it & I don’t think that you should let it get into the way of your relationships…set boundaries & rules. You’ll be fine.

    • Sherry says:

      you say set boundaries and rules I’ve read by professionals not to dictate to him when and were as that only makes them resentful of you like you are punishing them you see my problem the thing that has caused the most hurt to me is the disrespect to my marriage vows, is the lies about who he is, i was not given the respect of the choice to live with this and now with all the lies when he tells me something, he can see it in my eyes, that i don’t trust what he says, and he throws it back in my face that i don’t trust him, what the hell does he expect from me

  30. Avilon says:

    Hi I am a 26 year old crossdresser i have been crossdressing for about 15 years and to all who say that they cant deal with theyre other halfs crossdressing in a marrage then you need to look at your selfs. the first question you should ask is way did i marrie him in the first pleace and then go from there when you said I DO that ment that you said nomater what happens i will support him will all my haert. I am glad me and my wife can see past the hole i waer women cloths mind you she is still kinda new at dealing with it her biggest thing is what if we have kids well friends i can say this its a new felled for me there i love my wife and i would love to have kids with her and its a two way street there ladys and gents you have to compermis thats all there is. by the way if you dont like the prikelys of his lags nar or waxing might be an option

    • Sherry says:

      you self centered/// yes a marriage is till death do us part and in sickness and health no matter what are meant to be forever, when those words are spoken, but the person becoming the wife should have been told before she says those words,Look at it from our/my point of view the female i have been with my husband since i was 16 and 1/2 years old i am about to turn 46 yrs and have our 26th wedding anniversary, but since may 2010 my life the one i thought was true honest and respectful, the one that i thought was a prefect marriage, has been shattered and i spend every waking hour about 20 of them a day in anguish and pain crying till i get sick in my stomach, in my private room, here in my computer room where i lock myself up, but when i go out of that room i have to put on a brave face to our family and friends while my insides are torn apart, i have tried to understand, and if you guys weren’t so gutless and its not wrong then why won’t you tell you’re friends that you are cross-dressers instead of telling them that you’re wife is crazy or sick, you tell me and why make it out like the woman is having the affair because she has male friends on the internet and why should we be made to feel like the other woman, you took that same oath till death do us part and in sickness and health no matter what, see i feel because of the lies he has told me that i can no longer trust anything he says to me, then I’m in the wrong hay I’m a victim here, Trust is not given freely you have to earn it, and no my needs are not being met and I’m not talking sexually although that would have been nice over the 26 odd years or so of our marriage but that was not an issue until all this came to light, now i understand why my husband did not have sex or couldn’t keep it up, because he see’s himself as a woman, well i hate to say it i’m not having sex with him as a woman nor am i strapping anything on either to as some of you people say grind him out,

  31. Toni says:

    I have been a crossdresser for more than 40 years. My biggest problem was my fear of being “outed” for what I am. I learned to hide it, and hide it well. I burried the little girl in me behind a facade of macho BS and ego boosting displays of testosterone. Now…40 years later…I have decided to be “real” with myself and my wife of 12 years. I shared with her my crossdressing desires about 3 months ago. We have been slowly adapting to this lifestyle and I have been respectful of her fears and reservations. Having hidden it for so long, I can’t wait to be completely open with it. However, I must restrain myself from full disclosure until my wife is prepared to deal with it. We talk about it, but I don’t flaunt it in front of her unless she is able to dealt with it (and this might change from day to day). Respect is the key. She respects my desire to be real, and I respect her need to feel safe in our relationship.
    Some people refuse to see the truth about cross-dressers. This is not a fetish, nor a perversion. This is a characteristic of our personalities…an ingredient of who we are. We try to hide it, but it’s still there. Eventually, we get tired of pretending…we come out. We are still the same; men with a softer side that finds satisfaction (not necessarily sexual) in wearing women’s clothing. Personally, I enjoy wearing them as an expression of the person I’ve always wanted to be. No, I don’t want gender reassignment, but I do feel that there is a girl in me that understands how to treat people right. The greatest beneficiary of this understanding is my wife. After 12 years of struggling through our marriage, I have opened up to her and dropped the macho front. I am warm and compassionate to her…I treat her like a woman, and I treat her like a woman likes to be treated.
    To those women who are struggling with acceptance: give it time, lots of time, to sink in. Don’t make unfair demands on him, but ask him to respect your feelings while you both adjust. You will likely find that your relationship gets stronger, the sex gets better, and he starts treating you a lot better. Help him to know that you don’t judge him harshly. Be his friend. After all, isn’t that what a marriage is all about?
    To those men who are coming out to their wives: be gentle. This comes as a shock for most women. If your relationship is a good one, she will at least try to deal with it. Give her all the time she needs, and as slow as she needs. Don’t force it down her throat or rub it in her face. Let her curiosity about what you’re experiencing peak…she will offer her support in due time.
    To both partners: exercise respect and honesty. NEVER try to lie about something. Guys, that doesn’t mean hang your dresses in front of your polo shirts. It means, if she asks, you tell the truth. If she doesn’t ask, she’s probably not ready to hear it yet. However, she will always know that there is something to discuss. Love each other for who and what you are…none of us are perfect. Work at it…and when you think you’ve done all you can, work at it some more. There is a reason you connected in the first place…build on that.
    I pray that each of you finds the peace you need to overcome the trials of this experience. I am blessed to have a wife who is trying to deal with this rather than throw away our beautiful relationship.

    • Kiera says:

      Toni I just love this is part of your post: “To those men who are coming out to their wives: be gentle. This comes as a shock for most women. If your relationship is a good one, she will at least try to deal with it. Give her all the time she needs, and as slow as she needs. Don’t force it down her throat or rub it in her face. Let her curiosity about what you’re experiencing peak…she will offer her support in due time.”

      I consider myself a very supporting spouse, and to make things easier I’ve known my husband is Bi for years. However Sunday he sprung the Cross Dressing thing on me. I have no issues with it, but even for me, who supports it and has no issues with it and have known for years that he’s Bi, it’s come as a shock and is taking some adjusting.

      Oh, and for all you guys out there, don’t be like my husband and spring it via text message while your gal is out with the kids and there will be no chance that day to discuss via any means but text. And if you’re crazy enough to do that don’t run out the next day to buy things before you get a chance to talk to your wife. Even for the most supportive spouse THAT is just mind blowing.

    • Abandoned and Alone says:

      I’m Right there with you. My husband has been dressing as a girl since he was a child. Or so he says? Has hidden it from me for 15yrs and the last year has just decided it doesn’t matter if I know or not. He has been shut me out of our bedroom, his computer, and cell phone. Just a few weeks ago he let go of his secrets, he just didn’t care. He spent several of unknown amounts of money to have all his hair removed for the rest of his life. I went away for a week to recollect myself after he shared his thoughts of becoming a woman. When I came back I blewup within the first 48 hours. These last two years have been a living hell. I thought I was going lose my mind and was seeking mental help. I would look at my husband and ask him to love me the way he use to and tell me it was going to be alright. “I do love you”, so cold and disdent as if I was a formality in the the way. After three weeks of continuous information right up to the shocking news of a possible sex change I became angry for the first time in all the 16 years we have been togather. He has been staying with a co-worker for the week. Made a surprise visit mid week to see if he could come back. It has just been barely a week and he has already secured an apartment of his own with a list of items he wants to set up his new place. I am only asking for respect and to stop with the lies. He hung all his woman clothes up in the closet. And when I voiced my opinion that he was a much better looking man than he would be as a woman he brought out nicer stuff as to show me he had taste. He took a wrecking ball to my heart and abonded me yet again. It is so painful that the CD is more important than us and what we could be. You sound like a good soul. I am so confused and my husband continues to be selfishness even after I expressed my love, and compassion. It is just a lot of information to process in such a short period of time. I feel like he has thrown me away as if I am no longer necessary and he is getting on with it. What happen to me being the woman? dress me up, let me be beautiful, live the fantasy through me? I feel so alone and abandoned

      • Toni (aka Jessica) says:

        Hi Sweetie. I feel for you in this situation. As overwhelming as it may seem, try to see beyond your immediate response to his changes. The fact that he has revealed them to you tells me that he loves you enough to trust you with such secrets. Do you both love each other (don’t assume he doesn’t just because he in ready to become the woman he’s always thought he was)? If you are both interested in making your relationship work…I recommend watching the movie, “Normal” with Jessica Lange. It is an incredibly accurate and realistic movie about a man who reveals, after 25 years of marriage, that he is transgendered. Writer and Director Jane Anderson gives a wonderful perspective of both the transgenered man and his heartbroken wife. I gave it 6 stars (out of a possible 5) for its authenticiy and accuracy. Watch it a couple times…listen to the commentary in the “special features” section of the DVD. Let me know if it helps you to see things differently.
        In Love,
        Tony/Jessica (I am the original author of Toni’s thread)

    • Samantha says:

      I wanted to thank you for your post, my boyfriend of several years and fiance for one, came out to me about a year ago about his interest. Being raised in a christian home (both of us) I found it hard to accept, he has always been very masculine and very guy like, i never suspected a thing. He had tried to quit in the past, but to no avail which i found out today (he told me). I’ve tried to be accepting of him, I love him dearly and no less for him being who he is. I just find it a bit shocking and slightly scary, I’m going to search out more sites like these for both of us, i think they will be a benefit. It certainly has helped me come to some understanding. Have you got any suggestions on how to react so as not to make this anymore difficult on him than im sure it already is?

      • BiGuy says:

        This is not the place to find support. If you REALLY want to support your CD fiance, find a SUPPORT group rather than a hate forum. This forum is not moderated and has been abandoned by anyone remotely interested in equality. If you want to be convinced that your fiance is a pervert, a deviant, a fruit-cake, then stay and read some more from the haters. If not, I suggest you find your local LBGT (or LGBT) chapter for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered community. There is where you will find REAL support.

      • Samantha says:

        ah thanks for letting me know. I’ll look into that 🙂

  32. Butterflylady says:

    Hi, I am Toni’s wife and I admit I am having a hard time with this change in him. But I will not stop her from doing what pleases her, unless she’s moving too fast and it becomes overwhelming. I love him too much to make him continue to hide this side of him. I agree with him as far as he is a much better husband since he let Toni out. Never knew he could be so caring and helpful.My main concern is that I am watching my husband slip away from me but he assures me that will not happen. Toni is not just a cd, but bisexual as well. That’s the scariest part for me.

    • Avilon says:

      well Butterflylady this is the hard part is feeling like your lossing your husben my other half felt the same way when we started out and now she finds herself trying to take on the role of my boyfrierend when I getto go out enfem she will dress and go as my other half this has opend new things for us i recomand you bring this up to Toni and the other half and about him being bi if he loves you he will work on keeping you happy and with this new stage in your life you never know it might bring something new and wonderful to your relationship dont letthis part take yous and brake down what yous work for so far. only thing is yous should take it easy and slow.

  33. Butterflylady says:

    Thank you, Avilon for your input. Our relationship has actually become better then it has ever been since I met Toni. But as far as me dressing as a man to go out with Toni, is not for me. Toni and I will possibly go out in the future, but it will be as “girlfriends”.

  34. Goingcrazy says:

    I accidentally found out that my husband of 17 years is a bi-sexual cross dresser. I found out purely by accident when I discovered pictures of him fully dressed as a woman. Since this discovery I’ve also found out that he has many personal ads on different websites seeking others to meet with. On the websites there are pictures of him in full dress and also pictures with nothing but stockings on. He’s had a secret email account for quite some time. I’m very confused by all of this. I feel completely betrayed and that I really don’t know him at all. When I confronted him about the websites and the invitations to meet he says that it was all just a fantasy and that he had never acted on any of it. He says the cross dressing is just something that he realized he likes to do and he never wanted me to find out about that part of his life. I need some advice on how I should handle the situation. I love my husband, but I really feel that there is a part of him that I just don’t know. I obviously don’t feel that I can trust him anymore. Has anyone else out there who has discovered their husbands are cross dressers also discovered personal ads? Does anyone think that he really hasn’t acted on any of the invitations?

    • Toni says:

      I have been a cross-dressing bi-sexual for 40+ years. I have also been married several times. I can tell you from experience, that if your husband continues to hide his cross-dressing lifestyle from you, he is likely to be unfaithful as well. That does not mean that your marriage has to end. There is hope for those who elect to be honest and open with their partners. If he is willing to share his feelings with you (and at a pace that allows you to adjust), and commit to being honest and faithful to you, there is a good chance you can work things out.
      I was unfaithful to my wife many years ago (with a man). I kept it a secret for fear of persecution (being bi) and for the sake of our marriage (being unfaithful). Now that I am “out” and we are being honest with each other, my wife has had time to accept who I am, adjust to seeing me in “dress” and, well….the trust is going to take somne time (can you blame her?).
      Your husband needs to abandon the personal ads, dump any websites and secret email accounts, confess to you what his desires are and hope that the two of you can work on them together. There is a lot of fun in role-playing. Even though I am bisexual, my wife makes me very happy and satisfies both sides of my sexual needs. The key is to take it slow while you are adjusting to this new “reality.” Stay connected with others like you (this forum, for one), and encourage each other to be open and accepting of one another. Try new things to rekindle your marriage…go on a date, go shopping (bi cross-dressers love to shop!), go to a chick-flick.
      If you love him, don’t give up on him. If he doesn’t reciprocate, love yourself enough to walk away.

    • notdealingwell says:

      hi going crazy:

      I would like to share with you my situation. I have been married to a crossdresser for 25 years. I HATE IT. I have depression, and have medical issues that directly are related to living with this situation. I have had two strokes recently. I can not stand this life. I would NEVER tell a family member that my spouse is like that, it disgusts me that i put up with it.
      I dont feel that he even thinks about me, he gets off on himself and his ways its disgusting. I have thought about leaving a million times over.
      I have even had visions of how happy I will be if he dies. I have tried to accept it but I CANT. Living with this secret is hard I dont accept it and I dont condone his behavior anymore. Its weird, and disgusting. I no longer enjoy being around him. I cant stand to even look at him. I have tried and tried to accept it but the more i let it ride the weirder he gets. When we have sex he looks at himself its not about us its all about him. he stares at the hose he has on and his own body. I HATE HIM FOR THAT.

      I have told him to keep it toned down, he likes to put that crap on and does everything to be seen. I am to the point that I cringe when we go up north because I know he is going to dress up the minute we get there and want to parade around like a circus clown

      • Goingcrazy says:

        Hi Notdealingwell,
        You and I have a lot of the same feelings. I, as well, could never tell a family member about the situation. I’ve often thought if he would die then everything would be so much easier. Since my discovery I haven’t had sex with him, because it just creeps me out. Had you been married for a while when you found out he was a cross dresser? I was totally clueless, I suppose there were some subtle signs that I just didn’t pick up on but any time I questioned him about anything there was always a good excuse. Now I realize how stupid I was for believing what he was telling me. He hasn’t dressed in front of me and I dread the day that he does, because I just don’t know how I will react. He is trying to avoid any confrontations on the whole subject, so it’s been very challenging getting any communication from him. When we have talked about it he just tells me that he’s sorry and that I should believe him when he says he hasn’t done anything wrong or that he hasn’t done any more than just dress up all on his own. I just don’t know what to believe anymore.

      • Toni says:

        You are miserable because you cannot accept your husbands sexuality. If you are thinking of the joys of his death, you should leave. As long as his lifestyle repulses you, it will not get better.
        Don’t get me wrong, I do not promote divorce. However, I will not support destructive relationships that refuse to seek healing. The lack of respect for each other in your relationship is killing it. If you can’t honor each other as you are (that includes him honoring your dislike for his lifestyle), then your relationship is doomed. Seek counseling, look for ways to mend your relationship and, if all hope is lost, move on. You are only destroying each other’s lives.

      • yourkiddingme says:

        not dealing well, please leave the situation. And as far as telling a family member, is there someone else you can trust to talk to? Seek out a counselor. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you did nothing wrong, but I do suggest you leave, for your helth, well being and sanity. He is not worth getting sick over, believe me. I’ve told a family member about my situation and is very supportive. I know what you’re going through. Be strong, get help, and get out!

    • Dakota says:

      I found out my husband is a cross-dresser after 15yrs of marraige. First let me say “It was very hard to except” and I found them because one of my girlfriends from college sent them to me as a joke NOT knowing it was really my husband its been 2 yrs since that day and it still hurts to think about but we are still together my husband has always been my very best friend it was the lie that hurt I thought we told each other everything I was wrong….I went through so much for about 2months I moved out then I invited my husband as “tonya” to dinner with a very open mind I needed to know if I loved “Tony” as tonya simple answer is yes. If you love your husband for the person he is and not the dress he may wear with some outside help it could turn out that your marriage could only get better.

      • graham says:

        yes my wife found out that i like to wear women clothes she has brought me panties bras dresses she had the toe polished in pinki do all the housework in dress she said now you are the the wife wend you are home not only have become her housewife and girlfriend she told her fiend about it now i have to dressas maid wend her friend are overit was two years nowi quit my job for her i keep the house clean laundry dusting last week her friend mary came over saw me dress in my blouse dress nylon heel dusting she pick up the phone my wife andtold her she was taking to her house if it was ok my wife said yes now afther one year i clean two homes as sissy wife so make your husdandinto sissy he would love you buy a strap on fate dick like my wife did her will love i know i love my i a full time sissy good luck

    • worried says:

      I discovered personal ads that my husband put on craiglist..we have been married for five years and i had no clue. He says that he is just a crossdresser, not bi. and that emailing guys back and forth his way of being able to live out his fantasy without having to tell me about it…He was afraid to tell me, afraid that i would leave him. I love my husband very much and could not imigine life without him and will stay with him and support him. I find comfort in the fact that this has been something that has been going on since before we got married, since he was a teenager. That means that no matter what, this is the same man that i married and also one of the best dads ever. there is a part of me that is very hurt (he lied to me about the adds,) ashamed at times (i could never tell my family) and confused (i am actually turned on by his new revelation…is something wrong with me?, and will he ever decide that he would rather be with a man?). the latter i deffinatley worry about…what if one day he decides that he is not happy being straight and that he wants to be gay? i want to spend the rest of my life with him.

  35. Goingcrazy says:

    Thank you so much for the response. This has all been such a shock to me that I have just felt completely devastated. I thought up until now that we had a good marriage. I will try some of the suggestions you made and see how things go.

  36. Abandoned and Alone says:

    OMG! Never even crossed my mind that my husband/CD’r could be bi? and is looking online for relationships. He moves out this Saturday. I am moving out of state to our family home. It will either be sold or he will moved back in a couple of years? I just know that he cannot find where this is going to lead him/her if I am full of emotions. The grieving process is so over whelming right now. I have to let go of what I thought we were and and decide if I can be with what happens next. He has been doing this all his life. I have only had weeks of the truth and sometimes can’t believe what has happened to our dreams, hopes and future. I have rekindled my love for myself out of this and once again found faith has new meaning. I love my husband so much, enough to let him go so that we can both grow. If we find our way back to one another I feel there will be a new relationship because the old one has to die. I have always been on his side. However I can’t say the rest of the world is so generous to those who are against the “norm”. He has been my friend, lover and even a hero, tossing all that aside is impossible. I have decided to be with a man, woman have been an option, but not a desire for me. I would still love to grow old with my husband and we laugh at seeing ourselves in rocking chairs on the front porch cross stitching as old ladies, wrinklie and frail. Once sex is taking out of all of this the threat doesn’t seem like so much to deal with. Right now we are both struggling with the love we have for one another, ourselves and what is best. The idea of being alone for either one of us often leads to tears. On the other hand, I want to preserve the love I have for the man I love and not crush the person he may need to be.

  37. Nicole says:

    Last October my boyfriend moved in with me and I accidentally stumbled upon his cd identity. He has a myspace page and private email under his alternate identity. In the past year I have been downright obsessed with checking how often he logs on. I keep hoping it would stop. We have a very healthy sex life. He is open and communicative as a whole, sensitive and thoughtful. I love him very very much. I confided in my best friend who is Bi and has transgendered friends. She listens and is concerned about the secrecy. He and I are both in our mid thirties. We have only been together for 15 months and we have a six week old son (unexpected pregnancy). He has always told me what he likes to see me wear, how to do my hair and makeup. I do these things for him and our passion is great. Earlier this week I checked on if he logged into his myspace and it opened to his account. He was using my computer and forgot to log out. I was transfixed. I saw photos, blogs, and videos of his cd ways. In one of his blogs, he spoke about a trip with another cd friend where he was able to be a girl for the whole weekend. That was the primary reason for him going way out of town. He seemed happy in thus writing. It was about a year and a half before we got together. In another blog, he write that he has been a cd since he was 12. He said that no one knows-not family, loved ones. He also was married for ten years to a woman before me. He is from a very strict religious family also. I want to be with him for the rest of my life and I am certain I can be patient and understanding with this. I have already harbored this knowledge for a year now. We have a child together and he is shaping up to be a wonderful father. I know I have invaded his privacy. Initially it was unintentional last year. This week, I was unable to turn away until he was about to walk
    Through the door. I don’t think he has any idea I know and I can’t figure out what to do next. Please help me. I don’t know when or if he’d ever tell me himself….

  38. graham says:

    yes im a crossdress my wife of ten years made me wear panties she say she like them on me i said ok over the years she had me wear bras dresses high heels at home wend we go out i wear blue dress white blouse black nylon black heels she says i look good in them the other men look at me my wife told me that she has a date for me that was five years ago now im become sissy girl now we are drivcore now so now i wearthem for me someday ill find someone who like a man dress up for

  39. Still Alone says:

    I’m hoping someone out there has some words of wisdom…

    My story. DH and I were married for just over 2 years when he came out to me about being a CD. He told me. And then he went back into his shell, leaving me to deal with it all on my own. He wouldn’t answer questions, he wouldn’t talk about it. He shut me out in every way imaginable. Several months later, we started taking baby steps. I accepted him and this part of him. We were making progress. Then, 5 months ago – he shut me out again.

    I’m so tired of this – I want to be a supportive and accepting wife. I am just at a loss now.

  40. New Beginning's says:

    Sixteen yrs of marriage, Six weeks of information. It’s not just dressing. He has been dressing like a girl before he was 5yrs old. Now he wants the whole deal. If it was only clothes. Most of all he told me enough to break my heart, moved out on Monday, new apartment on Saturday. I am moving to another state. No job, no career, and most of all no husband. Once he retires at 42yrs,he’s real plan was can proceed with gender surgery all along. Sorry my husband is officially a wasband. I have been told by therapist i am grieving.
    Denial (this isn’t happening to me!)
    Anger (why is this happening to me?)
    Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)
    Depression (I don’t care anymore)
    Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever)
    Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)
    Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)
    Reorganization (re-entry into a more ‘normal’ social life.)

  41. T says:

    hi. this is my first post, ever.i found out about my cd husband 1 year ago this week. I found some female underwear in our room that wasnt mine.. i asked asked about it and the truth came out. We have been married nearly 19 years now, and have 3 children. i am still trying to sort my feelings out. I love my husband and our life very much… but when he is in ‘she mode’ i find myself isolated, upset, angry, inadequate …. just to name a few emotions. I help him/her when he asks, and he knows i dont like it, but knowing how it makes him feel (great, relaxed, whole…) makes me do it. He doesnt insist that i help, or require sex while dressed. (Which is just as well ‘cos i wouldnt happen!!) i am confused and angry. I feel sad that it is something that, although he enjoys, he cannot stop. (He is in his 40’s and has been doing this for over 35 years) I am super worried that our kids (teens) will find out or see him dressed… i dont know what i would do if they found out. I have no-one to talk to about this, Hubby and i talk openly and freely between ourselves about this, but i wish i had someone else to bounce ideas and feelings off…

    so confused.

  42. New Beginning's says:

    Today is my last day! My husband of 16yrs is all to happy to move me out of state as he has already found him an apartment on the other side of town. There is still no display of honesty or respect for me while my heart continues to break over the loss of my marriage I once knew. He doesn’t just want to dress up, he is awaiting the day he can be a real woman. Many of our conversations lead to this and there is no mention of us. He has to remind me that he/she is not available and that “she” is ready to come out full time.

    I wish I could find a group of wives that are out of shock and are “living” again. I didn’t see this one coming and wish everyday it was just panties or mini skirts! This is over the top for me. Mostly because of the rejection. My husband continues to push me out and close the doors on my face. I feel so alone and abandon with him.

    • T says:

      i hope all is going well with you. Best of luck.

      • New Beginning's says:

        T, I wish I could say things were better. I’m just not seeing them that way yet. Now that I have moved to another state we seem further apart than ever. My heart is so broken. Our conversations are just business. No feeling or emotion in his voice. He’s just doing everything to make me confrontable, not saying to much and rushes through our calls as if there’s better things to do with his time. I believe that he has wanted out of our relationship for awhile. I just wish I had seen it coming. I would have liked a heads up. Sure do miss my best friend.

  43. just me? says:

    do any of you have children? We have 3 boys and i am petrified that they will uncover their dads secret. Has anyone had this dilemma? do/did you tell your kids? Did they find out? My husband SOOO nearly got caught by our 14yr old last week. I was so mad, ashamed angry…etc i so dont know how i would react if he had of seen him all dressed, in my clothes, makeup on, wig on and high heels!! Ironically My husband and i had discussed his crossdressing earlier that day, and his comment, once again, was that is a ‘no harm’ thing to do (Crossdress) Has anyone else been sold this line?? I am so over hearing it!!! I GET HURT every time he dresses up! and i am sure it would harm both my husband and son if he was to get caught, let alone the other children and our marriage!
    I am sure it is perhaps ‘less harmful’ than some other things he could be doing (like gambling, drinking cheating etc) BUT IT IS NOT HARMLESS. (Unless i dont count that is!) I live my life going from loving my HUSBAND (and i know he loves me), feeling safe and secure, provided for, happy, comfortable, (which is Most of the time) to days when i wish i could just pack up and leave! On these days, (which is usually when he is dressed or the day after,) I feel alone and abandoned. Like i’m not good enough, not woman enough. I feel angry, vulnerable and scared. (My God, sometimes he looks better than me when hes dressed up!) Since i found out his secret, (1 year this week) he is doing it more frequently… may be 2 x per week
    (that I know about!) and its the full dress, wig, makeup etc. We dont have sex those nights, or often not the next day too… Often his ‘girly feeling’ as he puts it stays for a day or so, even when hes not dressed. I am worried that this is getting worse. That maybe, given the opportunity he would dress even more often! I get annoyed and frustrated when i might be looking at a clothes catalogue, he looks over and says things like, ohh! buy that! i like the colour… it would suit me! …or if i buy something, he is straight in asking to try it on!. I have told him i dont like that, and his reply is that he needs some new clothes… and needs me to buy them for him. I find my self shopping for HER subconsciously…. I HATE IT!!!!!
    I am pretty sure it is not related to a sexual fetish, as some others have experienced, but who knows what the future holds. (he does not want to be HER full time….yet…???)
    i do not have anyone to talk to… (Who would want to know anyway!!!!) I must say, i admire the girls out there that can take this in their stride, and all power to them. But i just cant get my head around it. I married a MAN 18 years ago! and i miss him!
    We talk quite openly about this between ourselves… but to be honest i am a bit cagey when i discuss my feelings. I dont want to hurt him, and i realise that he ‘cant help it”. and it has taken him over 35 years to accept that this is who he is and he cant fight it… i hope it doesn’t take me that long!! haha
    I do love HIM and i know he loves me… but i dont like the other woman in my marriage!

    alone in a 3 way marriage!

    • marie says:

      I told mine that if I found out anyone else knew, I would move out of state and cut all ties except with my kids. They are young adults so I don’t have to worry about custody or anything. I don’t even want him to look at me anymore much less touch me. He should have told me instead of lying to me all these years and making our marriage a big joke. I would have rather found out he was having an affair. At least that is normal.

    • MML says:

      I feel so alone and unworthy as a woman since my husband has started crossdressing. I married a manly man who is now a girly man. He used to be the strong guy who lead our life in a partnership with me. Now he wants me to make all the decisions and lead him. I thought I was the girl in this marriage!He looks better in lingerie than I do! I want to leave him but we have been married for 27 years. i have tried to adapt to his new sexuality, but it really turns me off. where is the husband i married and have loved for all this time? I feel so lonely.

  44. New Beginning's says:

    After 16yrs, he broke down and told me he was born in the wrong body. He’s not just a cross dresser. He wants the full deal. After trying to keep it together I blew up, he moved out within 5 days. He packed my things, loaded them up in a 26′ truck with attached trailer and dumped it off in our colorado home we built together in 2004. All these years I thought it was just underware. Boy, what a shock. Message Parlors, Lasser hair removal and the expenses. Not to mention the wigs, makeup, shoes, dresses, under clothes and nighties. The part that hurts the most is the lies. Or is it that he doesn’t want the marriage anymore. He is happy being a her. Not answering to anyone.

    Kids are grown. The hard part is picking myself up and moving forward for me. For years I did it for everyone else. My husband and I were going to retire. Planning the future? He just wanted out the whole time. wanted to dress pretty, ware makeup, high heals, have long hair. I don’t get how he could sale christian church thing to me and others and be in the wrong life all these years.

    I am still waiting for my new beginnings…..

  45. Neon Light says:

    polo shirts are very casual and stylish indeed, most of the time i use polo shirts .~:

  46. d says:

    So… I am a 41 year old women who just Divorced my Cross Dressing Husband of 16 1/2 years. When we dated even right after we got married thing sexually where great. Then he started telling mr thru notes that hed like me to go buy and dress him up as a girl do his hair (wig) make up clothes heels . I did it for him.. Di I enjoy it no but I love him so I did it. Then it came to a pointe that in order to have sex he had to be dressed . I said i didnt always want it that way…Well that was the end of sex for me. He snuck dressing from then on . He knew I saw clothes etc But didnt wear in front of me but at bed time. I knew he did it when i wasnt home I may have forgot something and went back in house and you could see him scramble. Then he started whereing things everyday. I asked him to respect me and not where to his job. He stopped for a while and then started again. He doesnt communicate with me He hangs out at bars all the time with his “sisters”that he doesnt hve here.Anyway Lies Sneaking Relationships with other women Not sexual but emotional.All these years of blaming myself for not being good enough for him Torchering my self. I came to realize I am just his “COVER” it has never been about me. Now we are Divorced

  47. d says:

    and I am stuggling to find me. How I am and what I want / need. Not just sit there to take care of him. He is fully dressing every day and enjoying his free time at bar with friends and not having to tell me. He has gotten things pierced Thing I had never Ever heard him say anything about. But of cource he cannot tell his friends the real reason behind the divorce So he talks bad about me I have been there for him all these years and still keep his secret. I love him still and needed to do this for me. How do I get past this.

  48. yourkiddingme says:

    My husband is dressing in woman’s panties, camisoles and thigh highs; someone is taking pictures of him, and I believe he’s emailing the pictures to men, propably bi men, and I have had reasons to believe during the 14 years of our marriage, that he is bi. It’s getting to be more and more, and I don’t know how much I can take. I married a man, not a woman, and I want to be the girl. Also, he’s self-employed, with a part-time job, and I pay all the household bills, with his creditors calling constantly regarding his own credit card bills. Can’t stand this anymore….. advice, please,, also, we have a 13 year old son, and if I leave, I can’t tell him this stuff about his father – I don’t want to hurt my son or have him hate me for leaving, but he knows nothing of this. In fact, I just found recent pics today. Ugh. No, I don’t like this and never will. I want a man, not a woman.

  49. New Beginnings says:

    Hang in there. You will know when you have had enough. I had been fighting an unknown for years. The last two of those years were hell. But when he finally told me what he had been up to my first response was “I’m out of here”, I didn’t sign up for this. Since November 1st, 2010, I have been on a roll a coaster of emotions. But it is wonderful to feel like a woman again. I have dropped over 30lbs, I wear thigh highs, dresses,makeup and panties again. I feel happy and beautiful. I was not met to share my femininity with someone so selfish. All the lies,deception, omg the money he spent on himself. I could have travelled the world over. If you think he is messing around are you ready to catch some std and than tell your son? I am free to have a life again and I don’t want to waste anymore time trying to figure him out. He had his chance. My WASBAND just lost the best person in his life. I don’t know if the hurt and angry will ever go away, but I am doing so much better than I was.
    Children are awesome, and so smart. The thing is if parents aren’t happy together what are we teaching them.

  50. ??? says:

    I’ve been married to a CD for almost 2 years. He did tell me before we married, and said that it was not something he envisioned sharing with me. When we moved in together, he did show me his outfits/toys… all lingerie. I believe his is a pure sexual fetish. But he told me he didn’t want to dress up for me. Recently, I have found he’s posted pics of himself dressed on several websites, and he’s now making online CD friends. I read his email (yeah… I know) and he’s definitely exchanging pics with men, and writing sexually. I’m afraid they’re going to meet up. CD I can handle- but I’m not sure about the bi- No way can I compete with a man. Worst- I have no idea how to bring it up- other than admitting I was snooping…

    • yourkiddingme says:

      Well,so you were snooping, so what – you must have thought you might find something, or you wouldn’t have been snooping – so, it’s wrong for you to snoop, but it’s okay for him to do what he’s doing (which is also what my husband is doing)? I don’t think so. HE’S IN THE WRONG, just like my husband. I’m glad you found out what’s going on. You need to know. He could give you a disease if he sleeping with men, and hey, he’s also cheating. Goes against the wedding vows, right? Don’t feel guilty, he should feel guilty. I have an appointment to talk to an attorney next week, and I plan to ask her questions to the effect on how wrong it was to snoop. Hang in there. BTW, I found this out by mistake, the pics were in his recyle bin, when I thought a pic of my son ended up in there….. I can’t get the pics of my husband in thigh highs and panties out of my mind… in a way I laugh, but it’s pretty disgtusting to me.

  51. BUNKIN says:

    hi i just got caught wearing panties by passter i was taking to the mall i had flat tireon my taxis i went to fixs it wend my pants ripe the lady saw them and ask if i was wearing women thongs i sad yes why she like them on me sad i look cute then she sad if any boby else know i sad no i just want to see what they feel like on me she sad take me home now i drove home wend we got there she sad comein the house with me once inside she close the door sad you can call me ane i sad ok im graham no your i will call you pam now that off those pant so i can fix them i did i was told anne hand me dress to but on i put thhe dress on anne went got one of her bras she sad that i need to full out the dress i had onand sad if i didnt do as i was told she would tel everyone that im panties boy i sad i would do anything shewants me to do now im her cross drresser slave now i must wear women clothes and be in panties bra 24/7 days anne is going to make me her nesw sissygirl and learn how to please her and male i cant wait and i hope i find someone to help her to be a women

  52. confused says:

    Just me, I am in the same situation that you are and am wondering the same thing. I just found out a year ago that my husband of 18 years likes to dress up. At the time he was drinking heavily and would do the dressing up after drinking. He was also on numerous websites looking signing up for dating services and looking at hormones to take. I didn’t admit that I was snooping to find these things but confronted him about the CD and he claimed that the alcohol made him want to do this. He has since stopped drinking but now when I was looking in his office, I found a huge stack of porno magazines with one about men wanting to dress like women. I feel like he lied to me saying that it was the alcohol when he just recently bought the magazine, so obviously he still wants to dress up. Anyway, I’m not comfortable with it and we have 2 young boys. I’m really afraid of what will happen with them if they find out. What if my son snoops around and finds daddy’s panties or one of his CD magazines? How do kids fare in situations like this? I hate to say, I don’t have many feelings for my husband at this point but worry if divorce will hurt the kids. But, is it worse if the kids find out? Do boys raised by a CD dad turn into bisexuals or have problems at school? I’m curious to know because my first priority is them.

  53. Mary says:

    I recently found out that my husband is and has been a cross dresser for years. We have been married for 20 years and he started way before then. My son went to find nail clippers in his overnight bag (he travels with his job) and I went to help and found red panties and a black bra that didn’t belong to me. I was in shock didn’t say anything to my son assuming he thought they were mine. I asked my husband and he told me the story that our whole marriage he has been cross dressing. I was very shocked because i felt betrayed and then realized at least he wasn’t cheating on me. We recently have been shopping together and go out in the same panties together i am trying to enjoy this new life but, I am worried about my kids.

  54. Rick says:

    I started crosdressing when I was very young. I married the love of my life 25 yrs ago. She found out (of course) and was so mad at me, but then she realized that it made me happy and our relationship better. Now 1 yr later we are more in love than we have ever been.

    • Jessica says:

      To all you who are worried that your kids will “catch gay” from their CD dads….HAH! Don’t be rediculous! Your children have already determined their sexual preference. The only thing you will accomplish by sharing their daddy’s secret with them is the lesson that we are all different, but we are all valuable. The reason cross-dressers hide who they are is because our own families shun us and humiliate us. We can’t help who we are…we have been this way since we were small children.
      My parents were not cross-dressers, gays, bisexuals, swingers, dopers, radicals, or even Republicans. I am a cross-dresser because I enjoy it. I am thankful for my beautiful wife who appreciates my uniqueness and does not make me feel ashamed to be myself. HAVE A HEART! WE’RE ONLY HUMAN!

      • Sherry says:

        did you tell your wife, when you first met her that you were are a cross dresser, did you even tell her before you got married, did you give her a choice as to whether she wanted to be married to a cross dresser, as you had the choice to make up your own mind to be that cross dresser, did you even care about how it would affect her, NO YOU DID NOT, THE SAME AS MY HUSBAND DID NOT, yes you are human and yes you have the right to dress as you wish, but your selfish ways because you knew or you suspected that you were cross gendered, but you did not consider how she would feel,
        There is an old saying that lies always come back to bite you on the ass, and lies can never be hidden for life.
        Get over yourselves and think of others before you enter into relationships,
        Give the other person the right to choose,
        I think you are all gutless disrespectful and selfish ……

  55. Genevieve I. Allen- Owens says:

    I thought I married a bussiness man ,well educated and willing to make our retirement years finantilly comfortable. I knew he was not the tough strong type like the one befor him. I thought I dotted all my I’s and crossed all my T’S however after a year It became known to me and one of my adult children that he was a cross dresser. I did not tell my adult child he accidentaly saw him in the kitchen wearing a pink thong My husband likes strutting around the house half dressed or in women attire. He made a fast exit to the bedroom but it was to late and the secret was out. My six adult children had mixed reactions to I like —-, to I would be out of ther in a split second. All children continue to treat —- pleasantly. Some think he is hillarious to some that think he is sick, my Doctor says if it causes me stress to leave that money is not everything. I do not know what it causes me. I feel I want no sex because It would be like having sex with a girl. I think he is sexless and the thought of sex or even a kiss would creep me out. I can afford to support myself but not in the style I am now supported. I do contribute a thousand to the $1100.00 monthly morgage payment, but most everything else is provied by him, while I am able to sock away another thousand a month to my personal account. He has several interests of his own as do mI. Neither of us carry on with the opposite sex iapropriately. We are college educated. We live together but separately. He does not appear unhappy, but I am a young 67 year old that still misses intimacy and I do not have that with him and doubt I would ever find it with anyone else as I would never marry again and would probably have an occassional fling away from my home. Where do I go from here or do I just stay. Its an embarrassment to me from those that know and the ones that do not know believe —- is awonderful bright intelligent man. Even his x-wife was shocked. She said they were divorced because she grew and he stayed the little boy. All of his children from his former two marriages are bright educated successful people.

  56. LostInNYC says:

    I just found out the night before Valentines day that my husband has “Girl” Intentions. We’ve known each other over 15 years and have been married for 3. I knew about his Leather Fetish although a little uncomfortable I dealt with it and played along. NO problems.. Well the day before Hallmarks Finest of holidays I was cleaning the kitchen and I see emails from a Krissy. and I am like what in the hell. So I do my investigative work logging into all of his accounts and start reading all the emails. He had found someone like himself another mail who likes to Cross dress ( need mind you married with kids and lives in the windy city) As the emails go back and forth they get more and more detailed about riding roller coasters together.. dressing up like “girls” and having a “girl” night and then maybe if things were right making out later. asking if this person can come visit him when I go away for the weekend..The Word Sex comes up and my husband responds back I am a little shy….. I think at that point my eyes flew out of my head and I started to pace until he got out of the shower.

    “So Who’s this Krissy Gal?” I asked very Firmly… He Blew into a rage blaming me for not minding my own business.. Last time I checked I PAY for the cell phone so if I wanna check it or look at it I so as will.. and If I see an email that might compromise our MARRIAGE. I feel I have every right to ask QUESTIONS!!!! He continues to say he is not gay and that he never plans on meeting up with someone.. It’s like LIE AFTER LIE AFTER LIE. I ask him again if he is Questioning his Sexuality he says he doesn’t know.. It’s like I can’t get a straight answer out of him.

    Valentines day.. I have off and all I can do is lay around and constantly think and ponder why this is and what in the hell I got myself into. I just can’t get it out of my head.

    He Comes home and we get into it… more so him than me.. He starts taring the house apart breaking a lap and so on. I told him That this internet Thing needs to stop that the back and forth with this person needs to stop and he says I am going to take care of it it’s just I gotta do it slowly. So that makes me even more curious… I check his email.. and this guy is saying LUV YOU! but my husband only responds with xoxoxoxo to you too. hmmmmmmmmm…

    The funny thing about this is he has no clue that I have my phone hooked up to my other computer that everything he does on it It logs on my phone and I can see it. All his emails I see it. Anybody he speaks too I SEE IT. So I see him looking for Breast. I see him looking a ladies cloths. I found the wig and the make up he is hiding.. By the way Dear husband you’d make an UGLY GIRL sorry I just had to get that out.

    Now I sit here and I am pondering what do I do. Because I believe in wholesome values we have no kids yet but I dunno if I can take this.. He says I either need to “EMBRACE it and Ignore it OR THE BIG D” But how do you embrace it. I just can’t I FEEL DIRTY GROSS and Empty. I’m trying to hang in there but I dunno how much longer I can deal.

    • yourkiddingme says:

      Lost in NYC, it’s good you don’t have any kids yet, so it’s going to make it easier to RUN! and that’s what I suggest you do. He’s not going to stop, believe me, he’s not. I’m in the same predicament, and am making my plans. We have an almost 14 year old boy, and I believe my husband had been so “busy” with his cross-dressing and emailing his pervert guy friends, when he should have been working (he’s self employed), now he doesn’t have much money, although he claims work has been busy, and all his creditors are calling and our cell phones have been turned off – and that’s one of the only bills he pays – I pay for just about everything else. Save yourself the anguish, hurt, pain, betrayal, etc, and get out now, please for your health and sanity. I can tell you from experience, he’s gay or bi, and HE’S NOT GOING TO STOP!

      • LGBTcounselor says:

        yourkiddingme, I would like to know where you get your prefessional training. Which degree do you hold which qualifies you to make such drastic recommendations? If you had any education at all, you would know that your advice is probably the most dangerous advice you can give anyone. Unless you plan to stay with the individual while she packs to ensure her safety, NEVER advise someone to leave. I’ll give you the same advice you should have offered her…get help!

  57. Extremely Lost says:

    I recently found out that my husband of, thankfully only 2 months, likes to wear women’s clothing. The man who was my soul mate, my Prince Charming, all that I ever wanted. Well, I’m appalled and have so many emotions I can’t even think. He said that he didn’t tell me before we got married because then he wouldn’t have had a chance with me and I’m his perfect woman. Well, you know what? I deserved to know. Narrow minded or not I would have ended the relationship. He even made himself physically ill just before the wedding he says due to the guilt he had over this. I had a few opportunities to postpone the wedding due to the illness but stupid me did not read the FLASHING NEON RUN signs. The fates gave me the chance to get out and I didn’t. Now I’m married, I have a 4 year old from a previous marriage, and I’m stranded! I moved into HIS house, sold MY belongings to live with him and now I’m terrified. After reading what I have on here I’m even more scared. Is he online sharing pictures? If so, that makes me sick. Is he gay or bi? He swears no but who knows, I would always wonder. He swears he hasn’t done it in a year and that he thought he had gotten “rid” of that notion but it recently came back. He claims that he hasn’t done anything with any of my clothes. I always wondered why he liked girls with curves…apparently to wear their clothes easier. I have all this sexy lingire and I cringe to think of him putting them on. I don’t know that I could ever wear them, or any of my sexy stuff, anymore without getting sick. I see the pictures in my head and when i told him that he said, ‘how? you have never seen it.’ Well, I’m a girl, I did dress up with Barbies and paper dolls. I can easily imagine what an outfit looks like on a cardstock doll – or a human. I don’t have to “see” it for the image to be there. I’m all for experimentation between a man and woman in a marriage but I draw the line with the man dressing like me. I’m not a lesbian! If I wanted to be with a girl I would be. I don’t need him to be my girlfriend. He says that it makes him more compassionate, loving, caring, feminine and that I should like it. However, I don’t see how I can continue. Yes he’s a good man but I don’t know that I can live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve been on anxiety pills 24-7 since I found out and am seeking counseling but I don’t see a way around me leaving. Please help I’m truly lost.

  58. sue says:

    I have been married to my husband for almost 18 years. I found out that he was a crossdresser by accident and this was also before we got married. He was very embarassed and ashamed when I found out. Having grown up with a brother with special needs, I have always accepted people for who they are. I know that no one wants to be different from others, so I knew that crossdressing what just another part of him. As much as I tried to accept this it is hard for me because I feel betrayed. Before, we got married, he was the man that I needed him to be in my life and fulfilled all of my needs, but after we got married, it is like it slowly changed. The sex got less. We only had sex when he desired it, not me anymore. When he discovered sites about crossdressing on the internet, it made our sex life disappear. I felt because he was a crossdresser that maybe he had a low sex drive, so I put up with a sexless marriage. We have not had sex in four years, but the kicker is, that last year, I found out that he was using the internet for crossdressing porn. My mom lived 3 hours away and I was there taking care of her for a week out of the month. I came home once and he had left a CD by the computer. I put it in and saw pictures of guys dressed like girls, sucking each others dick and then he put a picture of himself, dressed in sexy underwear with the pictures of the guys that he had downloaded onto the CD. I was livid and he said he sorry and that it would not happen again. Well, my mom needed lots of help at this point and so I was at her house more trying to get her ready to move her by me. My husband would always say, when I talked with him on the phone,that if you need to stay longer go ahead. He seemed to push this a lot and when I did come home, I noticed that the webcam on the computer was always pointed down. After a couple of months noticing this each time I left. I knew exactly what was going on. I even found a message from a guy on skype telling him to wud up good for the next time. I knew actually what was going on and I wanted to buy a camera to record him each time that I had to go by my moms, but I knew that if I saw what I thought was really true. I knew that I could not stay with him anymore. This really hurt me, since we havent’ had sex in 4 years. He doesn’t desire me, but likes some guy dressed as a girl getting him off. This was over a year ago and he thinks that I should be over it now, just because he has said he is sorry. I have caught him in lies and I don’t believe a single word that he says. I asked him if he perfers men and he said no, but I really don’t know. I have fallen out of love with him, even though he is trying. There is no connection with him.I am going to visit my grandchildren in another state and I am worried everytime when I have to leave that he will do it all over again. I don’t trust him and he is selfish when he wants something. He doesn’t make any sexual advances towards me like a husband should, so I know what he will probably do. So, I gave up my career to move around with his and now he makes all the money and the one with a pension. I am reaching 60 years of age and I don’t know what to do. How do you live with someone that you don’t trust or maybe don’t really love anymore? Even if know one replies, it was good to get this off of my chest.

    • cassiecat31 says:

      I totally unerstand feeling stuck. I really have no advice, because im stuck too. I also wrote a novel getting it off my chest lol. Im guessing each of our situations are very diff. And depending if he is a good guy or not ( besides the crossdressing) should be the focus. In my case.. he is a liar a cheater, abusive, and controlling. Always has been since the first day I met him.
      If the man treats their woman good, and maybe just enjoys a lil dress up now and then… then maybe it would be ok
      But the trend seems to be, lying to chat up others, and not stopping when they swear they will.
      In that case, maybe doing what’s good for you, is the best solution. Deff not the easiest. But I figure, if single mothers can work 3 jobs, raise 4 kids and still have time to be a loving mom, then. Surley we can make it work. 🙂

  59. LostInNYC says:

    Thanks everyone for the advice. it really means a lot. i started to blog about it myself it sorta helps getting everything out and the day to day of all of this bull shit. I figure that if the lies dont stop in the next 6 – 8 months I’m not going to be around. I don’t like lying. I lived and grew up with a strict mother that frowned upon that and I will not live a lie. I will not leave him if he is truthful to me. He is still straight, well I hope. But even if he was gay. More power to him I will support him like I have the LGBT for years and my close friends and family that are gay. but I would not remain married to him… I guess you all should check out my blog. I attacked the link

  60. ltrangie says:

    I am constantly amazed and appalled at how restrictive and controlling the contemporary woman is of their significant (male) other’s sexuality. I thought that modern feminism was all about learning to accept and understand the breadth of one’s personality. Apparently, only women are allowed to have broad and complicated personae, while men must always maintain the one sided and single dimensional role that women have been taught to expect?
    All people are complicated and the heartbreak and constant trials of life only add to that complication.
    It kills me that after all this dialogue, the advances seem to be a one way street and women still do this to men.

    • I think you’re missing the point ltrangie. I’m sure many of us here would not wish to restrict or control a person’s sexuality. I am all for practicing whatever you choose to in your own consenting relationships. HOWEVER, most of us, myself included, entered into a “consenting” relationship, committed sometimes by marriage, without disclosure about something that not everyone is OK with. And those are do not feel OK about it have just as much right to feel that was as someone who DOES think it’s OK. The men who feel it is OK to “hide” this information from his spouse is not only a coward but has zero respect for the wife. You can’t withold something like that, the sexual and intimate relationship of a husband and wife should be a joint, consentual, fulfilling one. To withold it, only to later come out and tell us, is to deny us choice. It forces us to either deal with it or leave. And for many It’s not as easy as leaving sounds. In my case, I had a 4 year old child that came into this relationship. I did NOT consentually invite a cross-dressing aspect into my marriage, my home, my life, or my daughter’s life. It has now been forced upon me. I’m sorry, the men who do this, and feel it is OK, are simply jerks (to put it mildly). So I’m actually appalled that you would stand up for the men who have been disrespectful in every way, the most intimate of ways, to the wives who vowed their life for better or worse. I believe a woman in that situation has EVERY right to demand full disclosure and what ever else they need to stop the whirling thoughts, the betrayal, the lies, the self-doubt, the insecurity, etc… that comes with finding out that your husband, the Prince Charming you fell in love with, is really a Princess and didn’t have enough respect for you to tell you first. Seriously. How arrogant and ignorant of you.

      • cassiecat31 says:

        I agree! Its one thing to make a lifelong decision when you know all the facts. But when certain things are kept a secret, and ur making those decisions based on lies… how is that fair? Why? Because some ignorant person thinks this discussion is simply about us judging men who like to crossdress? Read the stories honey. This is about deceit and betrayal. About the person you love, basically being a total lie. Sorry if I sound old fashioned, but I personally signed up to be with a man. That’s why im not a lesbian. And I would like my man to stop stealing my pantyhose!! If that’s not to much to ask!

  61. Candy says:

    My husband just recently began cross-dressing. He and I went to the movies with him dressed in full wig, makeup, skirt, pantyhose and heels. He loved it. Says he has the legs for it …. I feel he thinks he is prettier than I am. He talks about “her” often and expressed many “adventures” – shopping together, lunching together, out of town together – with him dressed as “her”.
    He says it enhances our sex life together but I feel he is beginning to love her more than he loves me…. soo confused….

  62. Candy says:

    Just came home for an early lunch. He was here (supposed to be at work) – dressed in full attire. Said he was in the mood and thuoght he would take the day off. Don’t really know what to think

  63. Praha says:

    I was searching for “woman who likes cross-dressing husband” and i stumble upon yours site. I am a closet cross-dresses from Australia. I have wife and two kids. I started dressing quite recently. I started dressing up because I was getting two things – sexual fulfilment and escape from stress. I was dressing for some time when my wife stumbled upon one of the credit card statement. I told her everything. She was hurt. I understand why she was hurt, but I could not tell her that I love to dress in woman clothes. She is quite conservative. I told her everything. She felt that I was big let-down. Which I felt quite hurt because I work hard to keep my family intact. However, I understand where she comes from. I vowed that I will stop dressing and threw all the clothes I had. Again, last year December I felt dressing. This time I went and bought some stuff. Again I was caught. This time the argument was vocal. She was angry. I do not like confrontation. So I said myself that is it. I am not going to dress anymore. That was in December last year. I started dressing up again few months back. Now I do in discrete. However, I am not happy. We are in a stalemate. I get severe depression when I think that I want to dress up but I cannot because I will because more stir. I do not know what to do. Sometime I cannot handle it. We actually stopped having sex.
    I am so clueless. Should I stop? If I stop, I know I will get the urge to start again.
    I have been reading some comments here and I feel some of the guys are so lucky that there wife accepted the cross-dressing thing.

    • Gail says:

      I wish I could have tell you that it will be ok! But in trying to accept my husband for who he was, ment I had to not love myself. He always wanted more. Until one day it wasn’t just clothes. He had wig’s, laser hair removal, makeup, shoes, and than he wanted surgery too. I didn’t feel like I had a place in his life. He was happier dressing up, dreaming of the day he could be a woman. Where did I fit in? I believe that after it was all said and done the right thing for us was to go our seprate ways. Don’t get me wrong I love him with all my heart and haven’t recovered from my loss, but in the long run we weren’t happy. It hurt me so much to not be enough woman for him. His desires grew out of control. He wanted more at any cost.

  64. cassiecat31 says:

    Ok… so I have a story. That I need some advise..or opinions.
    I have been with my boyfriend for over five ys. About a yr into the relationship, I discovered pictures of my boyfriend in nylons. Posed like a pornstar.
    I decided to talk to him about it. He said he was drunk, and it was a one time thing… well I told him, size 13 heels don’t just end up in ur house… so I knew it was planned. So he admitted to dressing up every great once in a while.
    Said he was to embarrassed to tell me. I was very understanding. I said it didn’t bother me. If he likes the feel of them, then why should it bother me? Well….once I said I was ok with it, it QUICKLY. escalated to skirts, bras, fake boobs, strap on, heels and nylons galore! I lied and told him it turned me on. The fact was, is that I loved him, and I wanted to be open and maybe eventually I would like it. Well, another year goes by.. (rocky one.caught him cheating w a girl)
    And we are trying to get past the cheat. Hewants me to do. A 3 some.. I don’t want to and he calls me a prude. So I pretend it will happen. So he now spends every waking hour, online, talking dirty to just about anyone who will respond. I find excuses as to why I can’t do it. Then a while goes by, and now he wants to have sex w men… dressed up of course. So I sayi don’t think I can join. But you go ahead. So he would go have sex w men…. ( yes it killed me to let him. But I thought once or twice, and he’d get it out of his system. )

    Ok fast forward a couple ys. I found out we are pregnant.( right after I left him for cheating on me yet again!) ( the cheating is a whole other issue in itsself) So I tell him. We can try to make it work for the baby. But id really like for his crossdressing days to b over. And Deff having sex w anyone else is No more.
    Well he promises me its done. And yet I find ads on craigs list from him asking if anyone wants to get busy. So I confront him. He says he’s sorry, just got bored and posted it. But wasn’t going to do it. Deletes it…then a wk later I find a new one. Emails from guys, dirty pics, infact, during a very important ultrasound… I found out the person he was texting…was some stupid perv he met on CL!!having a very dirty conversation, right while we are looking at pictures of our first unborn child!!
    (Very emotional pregnancy, due to his cheating and obvious obsession with porn and sex)
    Anyway, he is now ALWAYS looking at porn. He has more pics of people doing it, on his phone , then pics of me, or anything else for that matter.
    Well a few days before our baby was born, I had a feeling he was being shady.” Accidentally” shaved his whole face ( never ever does unless he planns to dress up) then wants to take my car out of town… I got mad, accused him of tryi.g to hook up behind my back. He got mad said im crazy. That he doesn’t do that anymore. Well come to find out… the very next day, while I was at work, he took the day off, and had a guy over!! When I confronted him about all the obvious signs he had someone over, he lied to my face! Said he did not! Swore it even!… well I had to pull out the used CONDOM I found, just to get him to admit it!! He cried, said he just wanted one last time to get it out of his system before the baby was born. Totally not caring about my feelings obviously.
    Two days later, baby was born.
    Fast forward to a yr later…
    He STILL looks at porn every day, many times a day. Still posts craigs list ads! Still Emails and texts guys! All while swearing to me its over.
    We never have sex, so he says its because of that. And I try to explain that its because of all ” that” that I don’t have a sex drive. ( and that im afraid of getting an STD!) Plus we have a baby now, and I just feel like crazy whip and chain, crossdressing, gangbang fettish stuff is no longer appropriate. I feel I have put in my time with being ok with it, even tried to join at one point. So why can’t he just leave it all in the past? And move on to be a normal healthy family?
    Idk what to do anymore. I don’t want to seperate them, but I hate the fact that my sons beautiful picture on his phone, is sitting right next to a giant CO@K! I find it discusting and disrespectful to our son.
    I have asked, begged, pleaded, cried, yelled, and nothing has changed it.

    And to top all that off, during our sons first christmas… I found out he was having a two month long every day “chat” with his ex…on MY phone bill!!
    Winner I know, right….
    I guess my question is…. am I stupid for sticking it out this long? And has he already proved he’s never going to change? And if that’s the case… how do we split the baby? He is a slob! Has pot lying around all the time, has bad friends, gets blacked out drunk at times, has a jail history, and hasn’t really SHOWN he wants to spend every free second being a dad. But when I tell him I want to leave, he freaks out on Me! Yells, pushes, and says he wants me here with the baby, so he can see him every day. Is it wrong to do what’s best for me? He treats me horrible, and all we do is fight anymore. Will our son be safe alone with his dad? Am I wrong to be worried about that?

    • Logan says:

      @Cassiecat31 Thanks for being so open and for sharing your story. I am 100% sure that you are not alone. I am a 32 year old man and know that there are many temptations and possible addictions in this life. You have mentioned some very serious addictions. Pornography is an addiction that can be harder to break than a drug addiction. Also, from viewing porn, can stem many other addictions like the desire to be with men, cross dressing, other sexual deviations, violence, etc… I know that all of these things can be overcome and stopped if the individual wants too. However, these addictions are like quicksand, and in order to get out of them, help and support is needed. However, if the individual doesn’t feel like it’s a problem, then they won’t stop, or feel like they need any help.

      In your case, you must be a very incredible woman to have gone through what you have, (and still have stayed with him.) Let me tell you that you do not have to feel like you need to stay with him. Because you have had a child together, it makes the decision to leave him a lot harder. I don’t know you, but I can honestly say that you deserve much better than him. He needs to get help. If he doesn’t think he needs help or has a problem, he’ll never get it. That’s great that he wants to be with the kid everyday, but because of his selfish desires and harmful addictions, he is in a very real sense, chained down.

      …About pornography and cross-dressing. I know that it can be overcome. I have done it. I was addicted to porn, but I now avoid it like a plague. However, I’ve got to constantly be on guard, because it is everywhere, and only a couple clicks away on the Internet. Pornography is like sand-paper to the soul. It affects negatively, not only the individual, but his family as well. It is difficult to quit, but it can be done. Quitting porn is another story in itself.

      How I quit porn was 1.) by getting rid of the Internet in my home, or while we had the Internet, I had my wife create a password to access the Internet, and we also had a filter to block anything porn related. That helped me a lot! You can put a block or filter on the Internet on cell phones as well. 2.) I had the desire to quit. 3.) I prayed hard and often to God to help me to quit. 4.) My wife supported me as difficult as it was to let her know I had a problem. She was not OK with it in any sense, but she would ask me how I was doing with overcoming it from time to time. It helped to have someone to report to or to be accountable to. 5.) Also, I eliminate any triggers or anything that would cause me to slip back into that addiction. The ‘triggers’ are different for everybody.

      So to anyone else reading this blog, if your husband is a cross-dresser, I would ask, “Is he also viewing pornography?” If he eliminates porn from his life, he just may stop cross-dressing, and any other sexual deviation.

      There are varying degrees of cross-dressing. I have been a cross-dresser most of my life, in secret, by myself, but I am trying to stop because I am married and don’t want to hurt or hide anything from my wife, or my two small boys (ages 2 and 8 months). Where did my cross-dressing issue start? Probably, when I was a little boy; you see I have two sisters, who loved to dress up, when we were kids, and what do you know, I would dress up too sometimes as well. For some reason, it felt very ‘liberating’ to dress up.

      Currently, My wife knows that I enjoy wearing soft silky panties, and tank tops to bed sometimes, but thank goodness she is fine with that. Honestly, I would love to dress up more like a woman sometimes, but I bridle that desire because I am a man and forever will be a man!

      I will never deny that woman have some amazingly beautiful clothing, dresses, lingerie, swimsuits, etc…Satin as well as silk are the most amazing soft and awesome material. Lace is great as well. Woman don’t know how lucky they are to have such beautiful clothing. I have had to curb my desires to wear other woman’s clothing like dresses, skirts, and sexy woman’s lingerie. I sometimes wish that it was the norm to for everyone, both male and female, to wear those things, but lets face a reality, it simply is not.

      I believe that all men have some degree of femininity in them. Some men have more feminine traits than others, which is probably one reason why they choose to cross-dress.

      God can help overcome anything. I am a very religious Christian. I pray every day morning and night to God, thanking him and asking him for blessings. I know that God can help anyone overcome any addiction. I know that God can help me get rid of any desires to cross-dress, because I want to overcome it. Through Gods help, it can actually become a strength. If you are negatively affected by cross-dressing or any other addiction, I would urge you to pray to God for help, pray for your husband (or boyfriend), if it is negatively affecting him. The Lord can help us overcome anything, but we need to realize the need to change, ask Him and anyone we need too for forgiveness, and forsake it, meaning don’t do it again! That last step might be the hardest, but it is possible. If he messes up, forgive him, and continue to be a support for him. However, if he doesn’t want to quit, and it continues to negatively affect you, then you shouldn’t feel like you need to continue that relationship.

      And to you Cassie, if your boyfriend can change; and wants too, then great. But from what you have said, I would drop him fast. You do not need to continue being hurt by his actions. Since you are not married, he probably doesn’t feel very committed, which justifies him doing the things you mentioned.

      He will always be the father of your child, but he really needs to change if he wants to be truly happy. He doesn’t want any bad consequences to happen, like not being able to see your kid everyday. But as long as he continues his lifestyle, it will not happen. Some reading this might feel that he doesn’t need to change, but you have mentioned some addictions that are very negatively affecting you and others, so yes, a change is necessary to be happy.

      Good luck. I am curious for an update if you desire to share.

  65. Sophie says:


    No, sweetie you are not stupid, you are just too hopeful for something that will most likely never happen. We all have dreams, but sometimes we need to let go of a dream that isn’t going to happen.

    You have given this man so many chances and he always takes those chances for granted, I doubt he is going to change anytime soon. Maybe in a few years, but you and your son don’t deserve that.

    Split the baby? Until he can prove to be somewhat responsible, he shouldn’t have custody of your son. Hell I’m a slob sometimes and although I don’t have kids of my own yet, I take care of my nephew 4 months a year to help my sister, and even I can tell that is a horrible living condition for your son. He (your bf) has pot lying around and if I read correctly your son should be crawling by now. Children are naturally curious and stick ANYTHING in their mouth’s. My nephew stuck an entire live cricket in his mouth when I went for a bathroom break. What would happen if your son stuck pot in his mouth just because his father was irresponsible. Your bf gets drunk and passes out. What if you aren’t able to be with your son for a few hours and your bf is the only one who can take care of him and it’s at that moment your bf decides to get drunk. There will be no one there to care for your son and anything can happen.

    He freaks out when you tell him you want to leave. Then don’t tell him. Just leave. I know, it’s easier said then done. I would hope that you have somebody that will help you while you are on your own with your son (though you are pretty much on your own anyways since your bf doesn’t really seem to give a damn). Be careful that your bf isn’t they type who try to harm you or your son if you decide to leave because that is also a serious problem.

    Your son will not be safe with his dad.

    You are not wrong at all! You should be worried about your son and yourself!

    It’s not about his cross dressing anymore, it’s about his behavior and what’s best for your wonderful son. Your boyfriend doesn’t seem the type to change his current lifestyle anytime soon. Maybe in a few years, but that is not the environment that any decent parent will want for their child. As I said before, your entire situation goes way past his cross dressing. He seems to have some problems that he just isn’t willing to acknowledge. This man just doesn’t have any respect for you or your son. If he really respected you he would have stayed faithful to you and would have tried to change for his son, but he hasn’t. He is just going to drag both you and your son down with him if you continue to stay with him. So please do your son and yourself a favor and get out of that situation. Your son deserves a better life and his dad isn’t going to give it to him.

    • cassiecat31 says:

      Thank u sophie… its nice to hear an outsiders advice. My fam and myself say the same thing. I just need to take action. I think im ready. Its going to be tough, but I know its for the best. Prob will end up easier in the long run in fact. 🙂

  66. Sherry says:

    well i have sat here and painstakingly read each and everyone of these comments first i see a pattern the man knows most of his life that he has these gender issues my question is why not tell the woman that you are planning on spending the rest of your life with the truth upfront and let her make the decision, if she is OK with this, it would save her a-lot of heartache down the track, investing her whole life around him and building a family only to have her dreams off the so called perfect marriage shattered into tiny pieces, i thought marriage was built on trust honesty and respect.

    second i see that after many years of marriage that most women find out by mistake its not that the man has come out and said hay darling I’m a cross dresser, i want to and have been wearing females cloths, first shock i say who’s cloths not mine i hope or oh no our daughters cloths freaky to say the least.

    third issue as in my case sex has not been good most of our relationship marriage, blame erectile dysfunction, OK over many years this subject has come up, i say get it checked out because it could be medical as if i know anatomy as i do it needs blood to rise which in turn means no blood no rise so whats happening with the arteries heart that supply that blood what could be preventing this from happening etc, But no his pride says no its not me. so i am then lead to believe it must be me, so my depression sets in as i had put on weight, he says no its not because I’ve put on weight I’m still sexy to him, so guess what i don’t believe him. i end up seeing a head shrink for many years while he still denies the erectile dysfunction and that my weight is not the problem, so what is the cause of us not being intimate for most of our marriage. don’t get me wrong we would cuddle hold hands kiss but no sexual intercourse, so now lets blame medications for his problem, so i check out the medicines and can find no connection to erectile dysfunction.

    forth issue so back in May 2010 on mothers day i find photos of him dressed in one of our daughters mini skirts in sexy poses showing private parts sticking out of the bottom of the skirt, when i asked him about them he said he did it for me, wow hold on i married a man thought all this time that he was my knight in shining armor my protector, what a shock to me, when i asked him how he could think i would be into seeing my husband dressed in our daughters mini skirt with his privates showing in sexy poses that it would turn me on when we don’t have sex in the first place and that i have struggled with my weight issues and cant walk into a shop to buy cloths of a rack and that i am not sexy enough for him then he changes his story in the blink of an eye he says he went on the internet done some research and thought he would try some of the things that may help him with his you guessed it ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION that he had denied for so many years. so he’s been lying to me what a shock the one thing i hate in my whole life is people who lie to get what they want to satisfy their needs not thinking about who will get hurt and the consequences, then the next comment that came out of his mouth was he had thought of putting them on the internet.

    fifth issue eventually he said that he only did it for 3 months and said it did not work like all the other things he said he tried. he swears he has not had sex with anyone else and he has since then denied to both me and our councilor who has been trying to help us get our marriage back on track only to find out now after our session last Friday that he is in fact a cross-dresser and we will talk about this in our next session,

    maybe this is the only truth that he has ever uttered in the whole time that i have known him, i don’t know if i will ever recover from all the lies i know that i have suffered greatly in the last 12 months or so spending most of that time crying in private and putting on a happy face in public as if nothing is wrong , he plays music in the car all my old favorite ones from the early 80’s most about cheating or leaving someone like I Want To Break Free ones like that i just turn to the window and the tears just flow i cant stop them ,

    sixth issue everything seems to be about the cross dresser and his feelings and understanding them what about the females feelings I’m getting sick and tired on this one sided approach and yes if he loves it so much where does that leave me will he want to wear females cloths more and more and yes he did start to shave and no i don’t like it, and yes he is getting fashion advice from our daughter, so yes i now feel betrayed by both of them, he says its the cars that have bought them closer together well i think it has a-lot more to do with the cross dressing as they had always been close where cloths are concerned

    seventh issue if you notice that your male partner seems to be interested in women’s shoes when you walk past a shoe shop every-time and looks at women’s cloths shops not men’s cloths shops and says in a joking manner that he would be a catwalk fashion for you and friends and family don’t do what i did ask him straight out if he is a cross dresser

  67. G says:

    I found your website. I recently caught my husband wearing a bra under his shirt. I caught a glimps of some lace when he was bending over. I was shocked a taken aback. We have been married for several years and i truly love him. He is a wonderful husband and father. He works hard and helps with everything. I want to spend my life with him. I decided not to give up on our marriage because of this. We spokelaterthat evening and i asked him if he was
    acrossdresser. He said yes but only for
    pantiesand bras. I thought crossdressers
    dressed in womans clothing, but he said he likes
    only bras and panties And to wear them under his work clothes. He says he is nit gay and
    Loves me very much and that he has been wearing bras and panties since he was a small child and throughout our msrriage, just that he has been hidding this secret. I know things could be worse, thats he could be abusive, or a drug addicate, but in the end they are just pretty clothes. I forbid him from wearing them again and told him i,d better not catch him again, but i am not sure i am foing the right thing. I want my manly husband. I know he has a feminim side. I dont want him to be unhappy, what do i do?

  68. Gail says:

    It has been sometime since I made any comments regarding this subject. September 2010, My husband decided to tell me the truth without holding back after 15 years of marriage and 17 year of lies. First of all it still hurts. I have no sound advice other than you have to do what is right for you. My husband in all since of the word was fantastic, until he decided he didn’t want to be. We were the perfect couple and in love (or so I thought). In a matter of ten days I was told, “I don’t just want to dress like a woman, I want to be a woman”. We are still married living apart since November of 2010. He told me I wouldn’t be able to forgive him, or trust him again”. He packed up and moved out of our home in 5 days. In two weeks he had packed 16 years of our life together into a moving truck and dumped me off in another state , with no money, no job and a world wind of confusion and pain. He said we could work things out and that he loved me very much? In December he said he liked his secret life as a woman (military man by day) and that we were done, it was over and we would never be together again. By January of 2011, he again became a christian, and healed from his desires to dress/be a woman? He continued to stand firm on never being a husband to me again. We haven’t spoken in 3 months and since than he has filed bankruptcy, stopped paying on our house, and my car. He has not returned any of my calls or responded to my e-mail attempts.

    I first came to this website hoping to receive support for having loved this person with all my heart. I really wanted to be a supportive and loving wife. It was the fact that I had trusted him and could have forgiving him if it had been that simple. My was band had been visiting local massage parlors our whole time together and getting brave with his garments outside of the home. He was participating in internet activities and shut me out completely. I was living a very lonely and isolated life with no clue. I have to admit I still to this day love the husband I use to know. It is the lies, sneaking around and abandonment that hurts so much.

    I have not been able to pull my life together since. I have been selling the furniture out of my home to pay the utilities and renting out rooms to strangers before the house forecloses to get by. How do I start over again? This is the man I trusted with my life. I am a middle aged woman has been moving around with his career and putting my life on hold for a retirement that we will never have. I have yet gone through an entire day without breaking down in tears. I have tried western medicine, counseling, holistic remedies and gradually walking back into faith.

    Sincerely Lost

  69. Melanie says:

    So many stories on here … and now here I am needing help as well. When I was pregnant with our son my husband started (or at least really came out) as a crossdresser. I have to say I was extremely shocked although was a tad suspicious. Obviously I cried and yelled, like most do I guess. He promised it was just a one time thing that he needed to do, then it would go away. I was naive and believed him. This was now about 2 1/2years ago.

    Well now things are so much worse. I love him and I have been trying to be accepting but I have since developed an anxiety disorder over it. I compulsively worry that our son will eventually figure things out. To make matters worse my husband constantly lies about it. So I agreed to it, not that I want him to crossdress but for the sake of our son, but asked if we could follow some ground rules. He agreed, these rules were stuff like not using any of my things, we’ll buy his own, and if I ask him not to on a particular day he is to respect that. Well my brand new bra, belt, make-up, basically anything of mine he likes, he takes, but then swears he hasn’t. And on the one time I asked him not to, he got furious with me, said it’s his life and did it anyway.

    I am just feeling so hurt and having a hard time to connect with him on any level now as I feel that I have been trying to compromise with him but he won’t. Last night he had a big talk with me, saying that he felt we are drifting apart and when I explained that I felt he wasn’t holding up his end of the deal he told me that he goes to the work, makes the money to pay off a house and support our child, which he never really wanted (even though he was a planned baby by both) so that means if he wants to dress up everyday, or everyweek that’s his choice and there’s nothing I can do about it.

    So now I am totally stumped and have bo idea what to do. Everything I have read says that if you are willing to try to make it work, set up some ground rules and stick to them, but what do I do if he won’t.

    (Also, it wan’t like I was asking him not to everyday, he had been doing it anytime he wanted to for months and months and it was one time I asked him not to, simply because I had friends coming over the next day and he’s not good at covering stuff up and I didn’t want anyone to get suspicious)

  70. Praha says:

    I have been following this for sometime.
    I was a crossdresser. I used to dress up because i felt aroused wearing woman clothes. I have stopped dressing up for last 5 months. It is hard and very difficult to stay away from it. Whenever I feel like I think about the hassles and secrecy I have to go through which in my opinion not worth it. I am not sure what is the future holds for me. But for time being I am fighting this battle on my own.

    • Gail says:

      I wish you well. After my husband 15 years told me everything one day about his dressing up and desire to be a woman, he than decided to leave me. Our whole life you could say was flushed down the tolet. We have lost everything that a wonderful marriage could bring. In January on 2011 he decided once again to become a christian. I can’t tell you how he’s doing because even though he stated he was happy to be a “man of God” again he sure has been hateful towards the wife that loved him through so much.
      I am sure it is difficult. My husband said he has done this since he was a child? I would love to know if you make it. Lose the desire and are able to give it up. Most of all if that is what you find you really want. I feel that the day he decided to be who he wanted to be, I lost the man I loved. I remember hearing the saying “Be true to yourself”. It wasn’t the dressing up (and maybe it was). It was the lies that went with it.

  71. linda says:

    To all of you cross dressing men out there who are married or who have girlfriends. Why are you all so self centered? What makes you think that
    any straight woman wants to see their partner wearing makeup and heels and a wig? Most of you look rediculous and could NEVER pass for a woman.
    If you have such a desire to be a woman, dress like a woman or whatever….then go live with a bunch of other crossdressers and don’t put the woman you supposedly love and want to spend your life with through this. I think that most of you only care about your rediculous fetish and your own desires. Trust me, even
    if the woman that you’re are with says that she is ok with your crossdressing, secretly she is disgusted by it and would leave you for the first “real” man
    she could find if it were not for the children or because she is financially unable to. I’ve never seen a bigger group of “it’s all about me and I will do what I want to”.
    How would you like to see your wife with a beard and a tool belt talking about how she wants to get looked at by women and then tell you that she’s straight? Really
    self centered ego maniacs…..oh, and then you tell us after 15 years of marriage that you really desire to be a woman. Yah, go get it all chopped off and think that
    I’ll be waiting in recovery for you. I’ll have the house sold and the kids and I will be a thousand miles away….Also, thanks for the pressure of me having to keep
    your secret from your kids, you parents, your co-workers, you siblings. They think that you’re “normal” I don’t ever want to see my husband wearing panties
    and a bra with makeup and a wig, looking at me with a creepy smile on his face thinking that I want to make love to him. All I really want to do is puke and run
    away. It’s all about you “girls”…

    • Deena says:

      Hi Linda! You just told my story perfectly and expressed the anger I’ve carried for years better than I could express myself! Three months after marriage, I got the big confession. I loved him, stuck by him, told no one and carried the burden of 11 years with very little sex, actions speaking louder than words no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise and acting as though all was ok. He’d tell me he stopped, or didn’t have these desires anymore…only for me to discover the websites and chat rooms. I married an athlete, a college football player, a rugby player, a little league football coach…A MAN who, to the world was upstanding, hardworking, and full of integrity. If only others knew what went on behind the front entry of our beautiful home with a lake view! We’ve finally divorced and not 3 weeks after it is final, his new girlfriend has the two of them plastered all over facebook. I’ve told him since his privacy and reputation don’t seem to matter to him anymore, it should be okay to blog about our marriage, right!? He didn’t want to go to therapy, but I need to unload now…make it MY therapy! I respected and kept his image, covering up so much for over a decade! Thank goodness for unanswered prayers…we have no children, but were guardians to two amazing teenage boys, both college Freshmen now, who would be devastated to know this about “Coach.” Good Luck to the new woman for what she THINKS she’s getting. You are right, we are NOT okay with it…and guess what, as for being faithful and lifelong companions, I have to question that now…

  72. Gail says:

    Thank you Linda! I tried living in the lie. After 16 years of marriage I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I was isolated and alone due to being afraid someone would find out and everything was about him/her. My husband only started dressing up openly in front of me the last year we were together. I couldn’t do it. The sad thing is, I was looking for ways to fix me. When he came out saying this is the life he always wanted Cross Dressing and Surgery too, a part of me was relieved. The other part of me is still stumbling through life hurt, broken and barely able to live. I loved, trusted and believed that we were the perfect couple and we would be together forever. My military, christian husband and step-father to my children had enough and he raked me over the coals while I was trying to catch my breath. It has nearly been a year and I am barely starting to feel free of all the damage done. I believe with my entire soul that I am better off. The kids are better off. My soon to be XHusband will have to live with his double life for the rest of his. I believe that he may be able to hide behind Religion for a little while, but he will never be able to give up his dream of being a woman. This is only a small victory for right now, but in the long run I will be happier, healthier and vibrant again. I am a real woman which has made me strong, capable to coop and deal with everything and anything.

  73. Extremely Lost says:

    To BiGuy who failed to allow us to “reply” to his message(pathetic), let’s talk about equality shall we? I am all for people being equal. However, I should have an EQUAL right to know what my husband is into BEFORE getting married. This site isn’t all about hate. It’s about REALITY. What the REALITY is for the women who get screwed over by their selfish, arrogant husbands and boyfriends. The ones whose lives get turned upside down because the person they married, or dated, has lied to them. I’m sorry if your REALITY allows you to accept such behavior but mine does not. When you agree to marry someone, or date them with the chance if it being long term, honesty is paramount. And to think it is perfectly OK to withhold that you are a cross-dresser is pathetic, cowardly and clearly demonstrates that the person knows it is WRONG! I’m sick of those people on here referring to the betrayed wife as trying to “limit” someone’s sexual freedom, or denying equality to anyone. That is not what it is about. And sadly, even from the cross dressers on here, perversion and other sexual deviance comes with it. Sorry, THAT is reality. So get off your high horse and quit trying to paint the REAL, BIOLOGICAL WOMAN in the relationship as the villian. WE didn’t ask for a sexually confused spouse or boyfriend. That was FORCED upon us. That doesn’t sound so EQUAL now does it?

  74. BiGuy says:

    Thank you for supporting my point.

    • Extremely Lost says:

      Sorry, I did not support your point. None of my posts have been about hate, restricting your desires or your ability to dress how you want to. I guess you can’t read. My line of logic must require the same comprehension necessary to understand that it is not OK to lie to your significant other. You’re clearly missing some brain cells or maybe just choosing to believe what is best for YOUR life, which is what the C/D population who lies to their spouse/significant other does. To someone who is a C/D but makes sure thier significant other is aware, more power to you. I have a C/D friend who makes sure to fully disclose that when in a dating relationship. That allows the other party an EQUAL chance to bow out of the relationship if she can’t handle it. That, BiGuy, is what is called FAIR and EQUAL. Maybe you need a dictionary.

  75. Linda says:

    To Extremely Lost

    Amen….I agree with you totally. And to BiGuy…be upfront with any woman you get involved with. Most of us honest, loving and straight gals just want an honest and loving straight man. Not too much to ask. Why are the women in these relationships expected to be so open minded and understanding? As I’ve said before…these men are the most self centered ego maniacs on the planet.

    • JohnD says:

      Hi, I’m a crossdresser who first put on a skirt when I was four. Even at such an early age I felt what in mature life is a “sexual rush”.

      I never dressed until I was a teenager, only putting on my Mother’s panties while playing with myself. It was late in my first marriage that I couldn’t control the desire to dress up. I always thought I could control it.

      Now. Why the self centerednesss? For me, just me, I am self-centered and extremely so. I know that it is because of emotional neglect when very young and through my growing years. If I said that I believe that crossdressers are self centered for any “bad” reason related to an internal weakness, I would get pounded in protest by all of them. And, it may be true that they are all just fine.

      But, for one, I’m not fine and I know that I’m not “fine”. I need a woman to hold me, kiss me and tell me she loves me twenty-four hours a day. I never believed that about myself and am embarrassed by an incredible emotional need. I was always a very powerful man (once winning the “Golden Gloves” in 1962. Strength was everything. Strength would get me through anything was a deeply held belief in the environment I came from. But, I wear women’s clothing as a substitute for unqualified, unearned, desperate Love. Putting on women’s clothing is like having sex with a woman. The clothing, in “Fantasy Life”, is my woman’s body.

      Of course, all this is not “deeply” satisfying to anyone. Buying more clothes helps briefly. Growing boobs helps briefly. Having sex with other crossdressers helps briefly and makes one feel more and more like a woman. Having a sex change helps briefly as well.

      I needed more Love in my Life and knew not how to get it nor did I know that I would have to give Love in order to secure it. Crossdressers think they want acceptance from their wives but in reality they actually want a deep, deep relationship. Crossdressing sinks our chances for that pretty much. BiGuy needs to Love more and then still more. Give more and “adjust” more. You know? The way women adjust. The way of those sacred beings Nature give the future of the human race over to. Women. How much I Love all of you.

    • JohnD says:

      The tragic entries here undermines all my enthusiasm for my crossdressing and I can’t be forced back into being enthused by thoughtless rationalizations. However, can any real Woman here be mad at me for being made breathless thinking of putting on some Women’s clothing, some of which is wonderfully beautiful or/and sexy? I must have it and put it on (and close my eyes to how it looks on me) while I dream and feel pretty. If you loved me I would insist you buy and wear any clothing that made you feels so and I would be made breathless too by seeing you in it…as breathless as the accomplishments Women often (created with ease) makes me?

      Please, please, please let me wear it too. Don’t be mad at me or push me away. I still Love you and not my clothes. I Love the feeling it gives me and want to share that feeling. Please help me. And, you have every right to scold me when I get obsessive. But, my obsession is from the “religion” I was raised in and the emotional neglect it engenders. Sorry. It is our culture, not crossdressing, that makes men emotional babies.

      It is emotionally satisfying (to us damaged males) to pretend that I have a vagina and that you are entering me. This is not a long way in my mind from wanting to be Pretty. I want to be everything good and beautiful you are. But, I want to be everything good that I am (Male) also. Let me be both. I don’t want an operation so I can pretend I’m a Woman. I want to play pretend sometimes with you when it can be fun for you. Not having fun with you ruins it all. and creates the tragedies for men, women and families I’m reading about here. There can be a lot more to relationships and sex than the standard model.

      We need to rid ourselves of the “standard model” and feel free to develop our own. But, a self centered crossdressing man ruins any potential for enjoyment. It is because he has lost sight of the inescapable fact that his happiness lies in the deep deep relationship with the Woman he is married to. Creating that relationship is his responsibility also. Getting caught up in the “fantasy” of crossdressing is a very negative event for everyone. I must not and will not go there. Crossdressing is, to almost all the men described here, a GREAT VICE.

      However, some women see the potential for increased fun, closeness and sexual excitement because the men they are with are probably much better models (than these others) for all of us crossdressing husbands. Don’t you think? The positive potential is there but no Woman wants to go there if the Man is obsessed and irrational. What’s the fun in that? It is just like all the other variations of Men’s weaknesses.

  76. lISA :) says:

    Women need to get it straight. Gay men like to sleep with guys. Cross Dressers think womens clothing is hot and may or may not wonder what being a woman is like. This is a form of worship of women not men. Every guy likes his penis so in a since we like penises but that is not what cross dressing is like. But if you want to f your husband up real good just stop giving him your loving attention at the same time that he feels most exposed in your relationship. Typical of a woman to complain that they are not getting enough while giving nothing. A man wants to share this with you and when he sleeps with you may even fantasize that you are two women together or even that you are the guy but more in the two women one wears the strap on sort of way. We only live once and asking a guy to stop doing something that was most likely their first “sexual” experience is just selfish. A lottt of guys dress like a girl long before they even have their first orgasm. It is a normal adolescent experience. It leaves a mark as the first erotic experience a young man has. At some point a man may revisit this part of his sexuality. Most likely because he is under great preasure and does not want to do something unhealthy (drugs,alcohol,prostitutes or beating you). Judging him and looking down just makes it hotter for him anyway. If you truly wanted him to stop embrace it and it will get boring for him.

  77. Extremely Lost says:

    Women need to get it straight? What??? Women complain while giving NOTHING? Are you joking? I love how C/D males like to make this ALL about the woman being ACCEPTING. You all seem to ignore the fact that the C/D husbands and boyfriends we’re talking about did not bother to share that little tidbit of imformtion BEFORE entering into a relationship. It’s about LIES and BETRAYAL, not about EQUALITY. Men put up with their share being with us? REally? I never LIED to my husband about my sexual preference, fetish or sexual deviations. I didn’t LIE about or WITHHOLD anything. There is a DIFFERENCE people. I know, you c/d men like to justify everything and turn it all around against the wife or girlfriend. If it was “OK” and “normal” and was “no big deal” then why is it that you couldn’t have told your friends, your girlfriend, your WIFE? OH that’s RIGHT! You were scared of how SHE would react? Why you ask??? Because, GASP, they may not agree with it? Who is the selfish one??? The lying C/D man. Oh, and you think that women love the idea that their C/D husband may be thinking that he’s a woman making love to you???? SICK. I’m not a lesbian and to even think that my husband thought that while we had sex is HORRIFIC. Now, I don’t mind if you want to be gay, lesbian, bi or whatever. But I am straight. And I want a STRAIGHT man in a STRAIGHT HETEROsexual relationship. You C/D men keep going on believing what you need to in order to get through your day, sleep at night, and continue your deceitful and lying ways. Kudos to every woman who dropped their lying, likely cheating, deceitful man in search of the true, honest, relationship that is out there for you.

  78. Gail says:

    No it isn’t dressing like a woman that hurts. It was the lies. Pornography, massage parlors, spending 1000’s of dollars on alterations, taking my clothes was only the tip of the iceberg. After 16 years he decides to tell me the truth and my choice was to forgive him, trust him or I had to go? I married a military “man” who made sure we where known as good christian people. We were a team. We raised children together. Three years to retirement and I quote “it was all a lie”. Nothing was more important to him than to be a woman. I had become isolated and alone. Moving away from friends and family to follow his career. He has completely vanished from my life. No forwarding address, phone number no financial support. This is what he had wanted since he was 4 years old, or so he said? After being the perfect couple I have never felt so let down and alone.

  79. Linda says:

    Oh Yay…just what I wanted to know. Not only does my boyfriend want to dress like a woman and perhaps be a woman, he pretends that we are lesbians or that I
    am a man while we’re having sex. Joy for me. He wants me to use a strap on on him too? Listen “ladies”, go find a man who can admire you while you are dressed in
    my clothes, looking quite rediculous anyway. Please you crazy, lying crossdressers….STOP brining loving, honest, straight women into your messed up world and then
    judging us for freaking out. You all need to start your own little colony where you won’t be judged and you can run around dressed up in your wigs and makeup and high
    heels and hose. Stop looking for your wife or girlfriend to accept you. Accept yourself and be with someone who wants this type of lifestyle. PLEASE! And really, do you think
    that if I don’t want you to crossdress that you should BEAT your wife as an option to relieve stress? Perhaps exercise, meditation or some other hobby would be more appropriate.

  80. Extremely Lost says:

    I feel for you, Gail, that you lived in a lie for so long. I thank God daily that my “husband” decided to tell me shortly into our marriage. I was able to get out as unscathed as possible. All I had done is sold all of my belongings and home to move myself and my daughter into “his” world, his home. I sued for fraud in our divorce and did get a settlement. I hope it hurts when he writes that check and I hope he was humiliated when he had to retain an attorney and face who he truly is and what he’d done. Does that sound mean and spiteful? Absolutely. But he didn’t feel like he’d done anything wrong to me and he did. I had to completely start over, find a new home, buy all new furnishings. It was good to have that validated by the courts. He did the same to his first wife (he told me later), but did not tell her until 4 years into their marriage so I count myself lucky. I loved him dearly and hope he can be honest with himself about who he is so he can find someone who is OK with that lifestyle. I fear now getting into another relationship because I would have NEVER expected this. And it appears that so many C/D males are perfectly OK with keeping this secret from his spouse, how can I trust anyone?

  81. Deena says:

    I can’t believe I didn’t find this site sooner! 11 years ago, when I found out my husband cross-dressed (3 months after marriage) I searched websites and support groups trying to understand and cope. I’d had a pretty fantastic life, small-town girl that was Homecoming & Prom Queen, College basketball player and graduate, and married to the most handsome, athletic, hardworking man that adored me! We dated for 2 years and had plans. We were building a home and living the dream…and then he dropped this on me. I read about the goodness and faithfulness of these husbands, but each time I left he house, I wondered what he was doing. Our sex life became practically non-existent and each time I was asked, “What are y’all going to have children?” I wanted to scream…NEVER!! My cross-dressing husband won’t touch me and spends hours on his computer after I go to bed!!! BUT, we were friends first and I saw how much this tore him up…these two sides of his manhood…and I would never disclose his secret. I wish I’d read so many of these stories before to know I was not alone in my anger and didn’t have to feel guilty for not loving EVERY aspect of my husband. I even tried hanging out with his “Second Life” character…a busty blond, so that we’d connect again! I learned a lot in this time with him about tolerance and respect…and lack thereof. I love him, I want him to be happy, but why did he have to drag me into his world like that?!?! I’m trying not to be bitter, but to continue gathering the lessons….but, honestly, at almost 35…I am mad.

    • Over-It says:

      Hi Deena. I’m 37 and mad as hell! I didn’t sign on for this either, and looking back I can’t help think about the attractive, fun, happy girl I once was. Now, thanks to CD, I am slowly turning in to shell of her while my husband gets busy exploring the girl in him.

      How ironic.

      I hope all CD men out there read some of these posts and think twice about how this is affecting their SO. Sure, everyone has a right to free expression, but at what cost?

      Does the right to crossdress override a wife’s right to a happy, fulfilling life? Is it time to finally admit that CD is harmful? Sure, this probably won’t stop any of you doing it – but it might stop you bringing us along with you!

  82. BiGuy says:

    There is a difference between transgender and trans-fetishism. If your husband is transgender, he feels like a woman trapped in a man’s body. Transgender does not negate homo- or bisexuality. Most cross-dressers are straight. Also, this is not something that he suddenly chooses. Rather, it is something that he has fought with for most of his life. He trusts you or he would not have revealed it to you. This does not mean that you have to accept it, that depends on how much you love the man inside.
    On the other hand, trans-fetishism is the sexual arousal of a man or woman created by cross-dressing. The dressing is strictly for sexual purposes, not because of an identity conflict. If your husband dresses up, masturbates, and then undresses for a week or two, he may have trans-fetishism. The best thing to do is to seek a competent counselor who is trained in LGBTQ matters.
    I wish you all the best.

    • katy says:

      Hi my H is the second one you describe. we have been married 100 years lol, well it feels like it.
      So a few months back he asks will i dress in rubber and sluty stuff, so i say ok i will give it a try.
      Although i have to admit , having read all the stuff on here i was so weary, but we made rules, and kept to them so far.
      I really feel for some on here who hate what their H do, reading some of the posts now makes me feel perverted, but im well over 50 and it has enhanced my sex life. so i dont know why i feel so bad now.

  83. Supportivewife says:

    me and my husband married 3 years ago and I have just found out (after numerous attempts to get it out of him because of my suspisions) that he likes to dress up in womens clothing, thats shoes, wigs, make up the works. you should have seen the look on his face when he told me, I could see he was so scared. I just said thats ok, I kind of already knew and I had tried to get it out of him before but he kept denying it because he thought I was trying to find out and then drop him on his A** and be mean or something.
    he has never been able to open up fully and be accepted until now and always used to do things in private but has not once done it while we have been together out of respect for me, but now he can do whatever he wants freely and I fully support him. we have a truly fantastic marriage already and he is my best friend and I think things are only going to get better, I can definately see a change in him.
    after really getting into a deep conversation about everything we really opened up about everything. he also admitted to being bi, he already knew about my own bi-sexuality. I dont know if its because we both share a dark history of sexual abuse or whether its something we were born with. but there was no way I was going to turn my back on him when I have the same issue myself. its something we both tried to surpress because of critisism from outsiders not understanding, but now I know that my best friend understands me better than I thought and I understand him the same.
    we are going to look into doing things together such as role reversals and i’m even going to go shopping with him and help him pick out clothes and make up and shoes etc and I cant wait it is going to be soooo much fun. I have a husband, lover, best friend and girlfriend too, how lucky am I.
    many people probably wouldn’t understand why I would tolerate it, but you know what he is the same person I fell in love with and we married for better or for worse. for some you think its the worst that could happen in a marriage, but in fact its the best thing for both of us, because not only is there unconditional love, we now have a closer friendship and bond and 100% trust.
    I know with his past relationships he had cheated and was secretive because he wasn’t able to accept his sexuality or choices or be accepted, but now he has my full blessing and he doesn’t feel the need to cheat with anyone, I told him if he wants to dress up as a woman and have a boyfriend over he is more than welcome on the basis that it is all about safe sex, and he said he is willing to do the same for me. Or I will even play the guy role. we have already laid out the basic ground rules so that nobody is hurt and we can be respectful to one another.
    anyway I thought his confession was going to put me off and be hard to swallow and so did he. but I seem to love him more for trusting in me. I know its not everyones cup of tea but its right for him and its right for me.
    many women are complaining about men just dressing up in womens clothes but mine likes to do that and more and I can deal with it, in fact I am willing to join in. I feel you love someone and they try and cater to your needs, why not cater to theirs too its all about give and take and nobody can help the way nature made them. hopefully people will find what they are desperately seeking in their partners (support and understanding)or if not maybe find someone who can accept them for whoever or whatever they are and the people who cannot accept their partners choices I hope they find what they are seeking elsewhere too 🙂 love to all of you xx be happy with you are.



    As a retired male model and Ph.D clinical psychologist, I am a 50-year enlightened heterosexual feminine man who is deeply in touch with his feminine side so I can better communicate, understand, and appreciate the many beautiful women I am privileged to know and love in my life. I truly adore women because most of them are have a caring, loving, and kind nature and more emotionally sensitive than men. I am not a gay man and I do not want a sex operation to change myself from a man into a woman.

    Since I was 30 years old, it has been my Heaven on Earth to wear classy pink lace nylon lingerie with chemises, babydolls, camisoles, panties, thigh highs, peignoirs, robes, Chanel No.5 perfume, Chanel pink lip color, and Chanel pink nail color 365 days a year. I was first introduced to wearing classy pink lingerie on romantic dates with my many enlightened beautiful lingerie model girlfriends between the ages of 19 to 30 who have nicknamed me TIFFANY CHANEL and teasingly call me their Blonde Goddess. My lingerie model girlfriends have greatly encouraged and complimented me for wearing my classy pink lace nylon lingerie because it ideally matches my long silky blonde hair and blue eyes, transforms me into a very erotic sensual woman whose beauty exhibits the ultimate femininity like them, and making my my lingerie model girlfriends extremely horny unleashing their deepest erotic desires to have at least 6 multiple orgasms for the greatest sex of their lives!

    Likewise, I have met many enlightened women between the ages of 18 to 70 introducing myself to them as Tiffany Chanel Hill at my favorite lingerie stores, nail/waxing salons, Chanel cosmetics stores, lingerie online websites, and many other public places and all these enlightened women have been very comfortable calling me Tiffany [not my legal male name Dr. Patrick Hill]. Since I started using my alter ego Tiffany Chanel Hill, all the many enlightened women I have met in public places have treated me with respect and friendliness like their sister, their best female friend, and their best female customer. For example, I was at a new nail/waxing salon this week where I met 20 enlightened women [customers and employees] and all of them were very amazed and impressed to meet me and call me Tiffany Chanel! All 20 enlightened women I met at the new nail/waxing salon wanted to know my story on how I became Tiffany Chanel which I gladly shared with them. 10 of these 20 enlightened women I met at a new nail/waxing salon wanted to get to know me better and we shared our complete names, addresses, and phone numbers.

    What a blessed life almighty God has given me to be handsome feminine man who truly understands his feminine side and enjoys life to the fullest as an enlightened male and female at the same time.

    Sincerely Yours,
    Tiffany Chanel Hill [Dr. Patrick Hill, Ph.D]
    San Francisco, CA

  85. Bennie says:

    I love nothing more than getting all dressed up like a real and very sexxy lady I wear it all even panty linners and pads

  86. Jody says:

    My husband told me about 3 years ago after 30+ years of marriage that he was a cross dresser. I wanted to throw up, but I love the man and thought I could live with it. So, I asked them to put his clothes (female ones) away, so I didn’t have to see them. Well, I swear he purposely leaves his female clothes out for me to see, and it has ruined our sex life. I can’t even bear to have sex with him. I’ve seen him dressed up and I can’t get those images out of my mind. I’m sorry, but I need a man, someone to hold and protect me – not some guy that wants to get in touch with his feminine side – he could get out in the kitchen and I would welcome that. When I look back over the years, at first he was into porn. Then he wanted nothing but BJ’s. Then the cross dressing started, and now he wants sex every night, but he doesn’t get it, because I don’t see him as a man anymore. I see him as this woman and it totally turns me off. I hate that he told me, and wish he would have kept it all a secret. It’s ruined our marriage. His slutty little girl clothes are more important to him than me.

    • Shannon says:

      I am divorcing mine after 18 years of marriage and over 3 years of living at the point of disgust with the situation. He had spent years trying to convince me that it was only a fettish and no big deal, tring to win me over to acceptance. we have 4 children and none of them know the truth behind the divorce. He has even escaladed to sexual behavior woth men. My story had lots of loops and curves and far from over. I still have guilt and feeling of being responsible, yet I know it none of my fault. How crazy is that!

  87. Rachel says:

    MTV True Life wants to hear your story! Let us know! you could be on MTV True Life!
    How does this affect your relationship? let us know!

    Email us at send us your story, let us know who you are, who your boyfriend is, where your from.

    • Linda says:

      Ok everyone. This is the most wild story. We just found out that my husband, who is a crossdresser, well…his older brother had a sex change! He had no idea. What are the odds? My husbands younger brother is gay, older brother transgendered and my husband is a transexual!!!
      I think my husband is actually jealous of his brothers change, but all he says is that his brother is a freak and that he wants nothing to do with him ever again. Uhhggg!! who is HE to judge??!! I’m ready to run away! Oh, and my husband said his brother molested him and he let his friends molest him too…This is why he says he does not like oral sex!!! What the hell do I do?

      • graham says:

        put your man in pink panties and bra and high heel dress and make him your sissy girl bitch and buy a 9in strap-on cock and trian him to become the wife give him pills that make his breast grow soon he will be your sissy wife that what happen to me im a sissy wife for my wife i do all the things a wife do and i mean all things last night my wife told me that i must get my breast piece with two tit ring and ears done i wear a bacett that said im a sissy wife now i must go my miss need a bath draw and i must de in my blue nite with panties on and on my kness you see my miss wants me to suck her cock like a good wife

  88. Linda says:

    To Grahm

    I’d rather be alone the rest of my life than do this. Again, to all of you selfish, self centered crossdressing men… Let the woman, if thats what you want, in your life know before she marries you that you have this desire to be a woman. I’m tired of my husband competing with me and getting pissed off when we go out to an event and I’m wearing makeup and heels. UUhhhggg. My New Years resolution is to get my things in order and leave this craziness behind. I’ll find a real man.

    • graham says:

      well linda dear my wife told me she would rather have me as her slave and husband too we don’t competing when we go out the only thing I am in is a bra panties over my male clothes and at home that when I am here bitch so do you want to lose your husband or not if you don’t then do this buy a strap-on cock take him like a girl make him beg to be your slave bitch at home and your man when out but let him wear panties and bra out if he do as told when he out tell him that you will show anybody around you he wears a bra I got out of hand once and my wife ripe my blouse open and everyone there saw that I had on a sexy red bra that when a man and lady said look he in a bra well the lady told him to shut up he said if I don’t what will happen she got mad got up went over to him and ripe his shirt off he to was in a black bra now bitch you go over there and stand beside him the two girls look at us well we are waiting I knew what that mean I undone my pants and toke them off and he did the same every one around cheer us on then one said to bad we don’t have a dress for them one lady told them I do and they can work for us now do that to your husband he never get out of hand

  89. Debbie Smith says:

    I support and defend everyone’s right to complete and whole expression of their selves, their sexuality and the pleasure of their sexual preferences. I am neither restrictive nor controlling except where deciding who my life long sexual partner will be. I also am entitled to my sexual preferences. For me, that is to be held and made love to by a “manly” man. I love whiskers, and deep voices, hairy (bra-less) muscled chests and tool belts, and shirtless hunks of masculine men… And when I maried my cross-dressing husband, that is who I thought I was marrying.

    Typical of most heterosexual women, alot of my sexuality and what turns me on is having my manly man lust after seeing me in my lingerie… Which I also was lead to believe he did. After 5 years of marriage I found that was all not only untrue, but that for the rest of my life I would be making love to a man who is most turned on by the sight of himself in his own lingerie. There is this woman who shares my home, my closet, my bed with my husband and whose company he prefers and who turns him on like I have never been able to. For the five years before he told me the truth, I always felt there was something wrong with me… that he just did not seem turned on 100%. The first time I saw his erection when cross dressed… was the first time I saw him truly erect. I feel like a piece of unnecessary furniture.

    I am lost, alone and sexually starving. And the only way out is to lose my husband of 25 years who I love more than life. My heart is broken, and the worst part is that I can not even say these things to him. Because I can not bear to hurt him. I know how painful hiding this has been. I realize how deeply he has felt shamed and I would never hurt him. The times I have tried to talk about how it is for me, he becomes so defensive and angry. And I know it’s because he is hurting so much himself, he can not hear the truth about how it is for me. It leaves me stuffing my feelings and pretending I’m okay. And, I dare not talk to anyone else about it because to say it to anyone else feels like I am betraying him.

    So I keep shopping, and supporting, and drinking myself to sleep so I don’t have to turn him down for another unfullfilling sexual encounter that leaves me crying in the dark while he snores serenely next to me in his corsett and stockings. I haven’t had an orgasm in ten years. I’m getting older and I will probably die without having another one. I have tried so hard to overcome my aversion to having sex with him. I just can not see him as I used to. Masturbation always leaves me feeling pathetic and even sadder, lonelier and more desperate. Please do not add insult to injury by calling me insensitive. It is so upsetting to be told I am selfish, small-minded, ignorant, or that I don’t care about anyone elses feelings –or worst of all that I am a bigot or being hateful !!! .

    • Missy says:

      I’m so sorry. I feel the same way you do! After seeing my husband dressed up And turned on by himself I can not bring myself to be turned on by him anymore. He stays in the garage all night looking in the mirror at himself and probably masturbating. He is having an affair “with himself” the girl side of him 😦 and your right he gets more turned on by the sight of himself. Your not alone 😦

  90. graham says:

    hi graham here well lady a man have a choce to please his women not all lady like cross dresser i became one by losing a bet it was fun a frist and now its what my lady like once a week i dress as a women yes i have breast like a girl that was mine choce they are a b-cup my lady said they look nice we have fun wend i dress as a girl once a week now for you other lady make it a game he will love to play but take it slow and soon he will do anything for you i know i did for mine now at home my wife has a maid at her feet and she love it and the children home we do not dress up

  91. Missy says:

    My husband is a cross dresser too. I’ve been married for 9years and have a 7yr old boy and 3year old girl. I don’t want to break up our family and I do love my husband, but I’m just not attracted to him anymore after everything I’ve seen. Especially when I find womens clothes in the laundry or feeling poky legs at night 😦

  92. misty says:

    If you have been trying to accept your husband’s cding, chances are, you have researched…and what you have heard often f**ks with your mind until you are so confused, anxious and depressed that you stay in a relationship that is HURTING you in irreparable ways. Please know that others have gotten out, that others are or have been in your situation, and that you do NOT have to live the rest of your life being “second-class” to a fantasy that may repulse you as a heterosexual woman.

    The danger in marrying a closeted cder is that you can eventually be drawn into the same warped and twisted mental world of rationalizations that make up their reality. To question their logic is interpreted as an attack. To be unaccepting is labeled as “uneducated”, unloving, closed-minded, selfish, irrational, and “making mountains out of molehills”. Please don’t do this to yourself.

    I consider the tactics used by many cders to gain acceptance from their previously-unknowing wives to be abuse…the wife’s love, trust, loyalty, belief in marriage, children, finances – all are used to keep her in line. Her whole world implodes if she doesn’t cope quietly, like a “good wife” is told she should. Her feelings are minimized and disregarded as irrational or unsupportive if HER sexuality is repulsed by this. She is told that, if she really loved him, she would have fun with this – totally ignoring the partner’s pain of watching her husband become more and more effeminate and how this impacts her own sexual identity and desire. It took me many years to understand that abuse is not always overt…it can be done under the guise of “communication”, care, and love – but the ultimate goal is control and it is harmful to your wellbeing.

    Please rethink your situation. Drinking to numb the pain will keep you exactly where you are now – or worse. There is a whole ‘nuther world out there if you can deprogram yourself from the “truths” you have been fed for so long. Chin up, Debbie. You sound like you’re almost there. Believe in yourself, accept your own feelings as valid and important. Don’t allow someone else do your thinking for you. Start talking to others. Refuse to be isolated. This is the only life you have…respect it.

    My thoughts are with you and with all women caught up in this mess. I’m rooting for you.

    • Debbie says:

      Thanks, Misty. I’m working on it. I have been truly saddened by what passes for “support” for us significant others. I worry for the young women who are “accepting” as I did at first… trying so hard to be supportive, ignoring their own pain, focusing on understanding him -backing off from expressing their own feelings -the outrage at having been decieved, the sexual turn-off they feel, because they don’t want to lose their husband. I did this myself -not realizing that as the years pass this doesn’t get better. It gets more difficult, and even more so because we think that because we went along, or didn’t express our feelings honestly before that we don’t have a “right” to complain later. I caution you younger partners to be respectful and kind but not at the expense of your own needs. I know my husband is not gay, I know he loves me… that is not the problem. I love him too. But this is not “no big deal”… it’s hard.
      I believe it can be overcome, but not by ignoring the truth. If we are to save our relationship… both people’s needs have to be heard, understood and met.

      • Over-It says:

        Hi Debbie. I would love to chat/email about our similar situations. I’m not sure where mine will end up at the moment – I sway back and forth on this entire thing.

        Perhaps talking to another SO who isn’t singing the praises of life with a CD would help?

        I certainly feel very alone with this right now. 😦

  93. kelly says:

    I found out my boyfriend is a crossdresser. And it’s okay, we go out together and he dresses up and I even do his make up. He is not gay at all and he loves me very much. And I love him with all my heart, I think of crossdressing as just a part of the relationship. We do want to get married and I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I support him in anything he does. He confides in me and we talk about everything, I think communication and an open mind is key to being in this type of relationship. Actually any relationship! It’s not the end of the world and it doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship, I love him more then when I first met him and we are both still growing.

  94. Rebecca Y. says:

    I learned a few years ago my husband of 20+ years loved to wear panties on occasion. It’s a real turn on for him and has made our sex life full of vitality. He doesn’t want to become a woman. He likes the way the silky stuff feels on him. It’s very erotic.

  95. Over-It says:

    Misty, your comment made so much sense to me. CD is definitely a “mess.”

    My husband has been CD his whole life and gave me a hint about it three weeks in to our relationship. Of course, he played the whole thing down – A LOT. I never knew he dressed fully as a woman and considered this part of who he is. Had I known, I would have stopped seeing him. Walked away. Never looked back. I don’t judge those who CD and I support their right to do so – just don’t expect me to sleep with you!

    Instead, like the rest of them, my husband lied and told me he had a lingerie fetish, small and insignificant. I was tentative at first, but open-minded enough to experiment. However, I also remember very clearly telling him that if this was anything more than a lingerie fetish, ANYTHING, that I wanted to know now because it wasn’t for me.

    He lied.

    Twelve years later, we have a 3 year old son and I am finally starting to see that I don’t have to live with this any more. Honestly, that’s how I’ve been made to feel all these years – like I SHOULD put up with this – that, somehow, my non-acceptance of a feminine man was MY problem and I should just open my silly little mind and see how fantastic CD is.


    I never deceived my husband. I never gave him a SINGLE sign that I liked feminine men. He knew from the very start that I liked strong, real men (I am happy to say I’m still an attractive woman who has no problem turning a few heads now and again 🙂 and I see his decision to pursue me and involve me in his CD life as the selfish, arrogant act that it is.

    Because that’s what this is – selfish. I understand CD is something these men feel a compulsion to do and they have felt this since childhood – BUT, to be completely fair and true to their future partners, they need to meet women in full female attire and let them see EXACTLY what they are getting in to. They need to man up (ha!) and face the rejection because this is THEIR burden, their mess, not ours.

    Or they need to go it alone. Just leave us alone, please.

    And for any young woman setting foot in to this strange and confusing world, think twice. This ‘hobby’ does NOT guarantee a kinder, gentler, more compassionate partner and lover as the CD community would have you believe. More often than not (just read back on this thread!) the partner is selfish, obsessive, disinterested in sex and in dire need of a reality check. They are nothing more than addicts, only somewhere along the way the medical community decided this addiction was okay.

    And this post goes for all the counselors out there who like to counsel women that CD is harmless.

    My ass.

    Crossdressing is as HARMFUL as it gets. And that’s the reality.

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  97. Mike says:

    I have heard it said that 1 in 8 heterosexual men admit to having fantasized about being crossdressed and 7 of 8 have lied about it.

    Anyway, here’s a thought:

    Crossdressing, per se, is not the real complaint I read here…its selfishness. In other words the crossdresser…often obsessively…places his desire to crossdress at the center or in front of the relationship and disregards or neglects the needs of his partner.

    Its almost worse than cheating when a wife loses their husband to a thing instead of another person.

    That said…crossdressers certainly don’t have the monopoly on self-centered or obsessive behaviour. Is a man obsessed with body-building or playing sports any better when his obsession comes at the expense of his relationship? How about a man who obsesses over his car, or watching porn, or obsessively has his wife role play in various ways? Whenever those things become more important than the partner then don’t they also poison the relationship?

    While I’m on the subject, aren’t wives…on some very rare occasions of course…sometimes guilty of placing a selfish desire ahead of the feelings of their husbands?

    This is the truth: People are flawed…and dealing with that makes marriage hard.

    My point: I think if both partners really care about each other and make a determined choice to put the other person first then two things can happen in these situations that might turn the tides for the better:

    First the crossdressing husband will agree to respect the limits that his wife places on his crossdressing….there can be no breach of trust on this one. She has to have control. If she only wants to dress you up for Halloween…then you only get Halloween and you have to accept that. Second…when his wife sees how much he cares about her feelings, I think she might just indulge him from time to time and will not be so afraid of losing the man she loves to some obsession.

    What is marriage if you are not willing to put the other person first?

  98. chris says:

    I can see a problem if the husband wants to cross dress all the time and go out dressed as a woman how this could really upset their wife but if its just a bit of fun once and a while in the bedroom there’s nothing wrong with it. Just think women cross dress daily they wear jeans pants suits everything I don’t find them any less sexy, some comments on here have blown it out of all proportion, they are only clothes or a prop, I’m as macho as the next guy but I’d be lying to say I don’t like the feel of stockings or panties on my skin, as long as it doesn’t take over all aspects of your sex life I really don’t see a problem, I’m 100% straight and my wife knows it, I have zero desire to be a woman but if I have a pair of stockings on I get super aroused and have the best sex with my wife ever, my wife is great she is a good laugh in the bedroom and by the looks I’m so lucky to have her

    • Over-It says:

      Chris, I believe your wife is lucky to have you! You appear to have your head screwed on about the whole thing…unlike those of us on this thread who married addicts. It’s one thing to CD time to time for a bit of fun and indulgence; it’s another thing entirely when it’s the only way a man can relax or feel whole. To me, this isn’t harmless fun. In fact, it’s either a full blown addiction in need of intervention, or gender dysphoria.

      Neither is healthy for a marriage, and in the case if the gender dysphoria, I say to all the CD men considering getting married with hidden thoughts of being a woman…DON’T!! Unless your CD is truly just a harmless fetish, please don’t take a heterosexual woman and turn her into a lesbian. if we marry a man, then this is what we expect throughout the marriage. If you have any doubts whatsoever about your gender, please don’t marry some innocent trusting heterosexual woman and ruin her life with your selfishness.

      And for those CD who don’t have gender dysphoria but spend all together too much time indulging their past time…GET A GRIP!! Your wife and family are far more important than any hobby, be that CD, cars or football.

  99. Tonnie says:

    My wife caught me wearing a bra and panties under my clothes about a year ago. I told her everything that i have been wearing panties and bras since i was very young. I am not gay and love her deeply, but she said i must stop. She does love me and we want to spend our lives together. I cannot stop, wearing a bra and panties under my clothes is just me. It makes me happy and i do like feeling feminien under my clothes without anyone else knowing. It would be amazing if she let me wear my things, it actually makes me feel closer to her that it would be something we share together. Now i am left hidding my lingere from her and having to sneak them on whenever i can which is all the time. Now i feel fustrated and dont like hidding this from her, something that makes me so happy. Theres nothing more yummy then slipping into a pretty, sexy bra and panty set every day. It feels so good and so relaxing. Its not fair that women can wear such cute, pretty things. In the end their just pretty clothes. What should i do, so unhappy wearing guys underwear.

    • Over-It says:

      Coming from a wife’s perspective, you shouldn’t keep CD if you told her you wouldn’t, and if you do CD you should tell her with every knowledge you might lose her. She didn’t ask for this and shouldn’t be made to feel bad if she can’t accept you dressing or wants to leave.

      I’m sorry, but that’s the reality.

  100. J. says:

    My fiance told me a while ago he wanted to wear ladies fantasy clothing. Together we have talked about my fears and scares, as he has told me about his. I have taken him shopping, and I’m really trying to understand his needs. But I still find myself crying in fear of loosing my soon to be husband one day.

    • zandra says:

      hi, Im married to a c/d, its not just about the clothes, its about the frame of mind he goes into.
      he goes into a mode that still scares me.I too love my h BUT ITS HARD TO DEAL WITH THIS.i HAVE BOUGHT HIM TONS OF clothes, i have cried, screamed and have had my heart broken. I dont blame him per se, he does not understand the real dept of this, no more than I ever will, but it takes on a whole life of its own, co on to crossdressers wifes and read about all the women there. Its not as easy as you think, and please dont make light of it, this is like a drug, they more they dress, the more they need/want to.I still love my H, but i would never have choose to marry, never , if I knew what this really was about.. zandra

      • J. says:

        Thanks zandra, i’ll take a look at the site.

      • Over-it says:

        I agree. Read LOTS before you commit to this lifestyle. This can be a very unhealthy arrangement and after living with this for as long as I have I truly believe the mental health industry is doing a disservice not treating CD as a problem. Because it is a problem. It’s compulsive and scary and similar in every way to someone suffering with mulitple personalities. How can this be regarded as normal? Are we so politically correct we can’t call a spade a spade?!

        Anyway, tread carefully. This man will never lose this condition. He won’t even see it as a condition. He’ll imagine dressing like a woman is good for him! He’ll say he’s more in touch with femininity; he understands women. But it won’t be any of these things. It will take away a huge piece of him that you will never get back. He will spend many hours thinking about CD, which, if you think about it, is no less silly than a grown woman dressing like Batman! He will spend large sums of money on his ‘hobby’ and think of himself dressed far more than he’ll think of you. Yet, the couselors will insist that he is healthy and normal!

        So tread very carefully, and definitely think twice about marrying into this life. If I knew back then what I know now, I’d have run for the hills and never looked back!

        Good Luck

    • Lila says:

      J. I came to this site looking for a place to talk to others that are going through what I am going through. I agree with what the other ladies have said. Think long and hard before you committ to mary into this life style. I know a CDr will tell you that they just want to be loved and accepted for who they are. But I will tell you that it is a very selfish lifestyle. It becomes an obsession and addiction.

      I have been married for 16 years to a crossdresser. He did not confide in me before we were married. Soon after our marriage he started wanting to wear my lingerie and wanting me to wear his clothes when we were intimate. I was never comfortable with it and never enjoyed having sex with him. We came to a point in our lives where we started going to church and being more spiritual, and the crossdressing stopped. I was so releived and thought it was over. We started a family and now have 4 children. Well about 7 years ago he started crossdressing again. It came back with a vengance! Our sex life has never been good ffor me. But for him, he says “dressing up” turns him on, so as long as he is CDing he is happy. Well, we went to counseling and it stopped for about a year, but it is back again. I told him that I can not have sex with him dressed up every time, i need to have my needs met too. My need are to be intimate with my husband, not whoever he becomes when he is “dressed up”. But since I told him that and agreed that he could dress sometimes, he has become a selfish CD monster! We only have sex when he is CDing. He keeps looking it up on the web and it is getting worse every day. He reads someones sex story and want to act it out with me. It has been progressing and becoming more frequent and more intense. Now he expects to CD and have sex almost daily and I have cought him looking at websites for transvestites and places to buy things for them, like fake breasts and undergarments to hide their masculinity etc. It gets really intense. I believe it is a type of addiction. I know my CDH is addicted to it. He gets grumpy with me and the kids if he doesn’t get to do it. It is deffinitely all about him and what he wants. I am very concerned for my family and marriage. For me, I know I can not live this way forever. I am not one of those women who like it, so to live this way i am not being true to who I am. And now I have to think about being a single mom of 4 kids. And I also have to think about what is best for them. It is certainly not fair to them, to be treated badly by their dad just because he didn’t get to CD and have sex one night. But on the flip side, they love their dad, is it fair for them to have to go through a divorce? And if I do decide to leave, what happens when they visit their dad? Will they be exposed to his CDing? Because he is sefish enough, that I can see him deciding that it is ok to do it in front of them and since I have 3 boys I am very concerned for what that would do to them, how confused they would be.

      I have tried to understand. I have put myself last for 16 years, trying to “accept” him for who he is. I love my kids and would do anything for them and I wouldn’t change having them. But I wish I would have had the opportunity to know he was a CDr before we got married. I wish I had known and understood what life would really be like. Right now you get to choose for yourself, if you can live this way forever and if you want to have children in this situation. I read on one blog where a womans CDH was sneaking his teen daughters panties to wear, how perverted is that, getting off on your daughters clothes! Just wanting to point out the whole kid thing and how much it can affect them.

      Good luck and best wishes!

      • Mike says:

        I would just like to point out that like anything, there is a broad spectrum of behaviour for the ‘CDH’s’ out there. Some may be addicted to it, can’t stop, don’t respect limits, are selfish, etc…some will never become addicted to it, can stop if there wives ask them to, do respect limits, and care deeply about the satisfaction of their partner.

        Ideally, each partner is focusing on giving their lover what they need. When a partner is choosing to be self-obsessed or selfish, then it will be toxic to the relationship whether they are CD or not.

      • Lila says:

        Mike, i do realize that there are some CD’s that are like the latter part of your reply. But if you read through the majority of these posts, and posts on other sites, by CDW’s, more oftenthan not, they have very similar experiences with their CDH’s. I have definitely done my research on this subject since it impacts every moment of my life. I have read excerpts from Phsycologists that state that it is an obsession and addiction for most CD’s and that the percentage that can give it up is very small. I realize that there is a range of types of CD’s such as fetish CD’s, transgendered CD’s, etc…I am just one person, going through a very difficult relationship, Because yes, my CDH is a fetish CDH and he is obsessed and addicted to it. He is VERY selfish and puts his “needs” above mine and our childrens. He himself doesn’t undestand it, or why he does it.
        I am not trying to label all CD’s to be just like my CDH. I was just trying to give this lady a look into what real life with a CDH can be like. It is often, I think, all perfect in the CD’s mind, while he is oblivious to the emotional rollercoaster his partner is on. Also, there are a lot of women who choose to not express their own feelings to their CDH because they don’t want to hurt them, or make them feel judged or unaccepted. But all that accomplishes is that the CDH gets to live thinking everything is great and his wife is happy. He gets to “have his cake and eat it too”, while her needs aren’t met and she is struggling internally to cope with it.

        I guess I am just saying, it is a HUGE thing, to live this lifestyle for the rest of your life. And if it is a seceret, it is even more huge. You have no one to talk to or get advice from. You deal with it all on your own. And the CDing changes over time. It’s not like you get the shock of your life when your CD confides in you, or is caught, and then you talk about it and deal with it and can move on. The CDing changes over time, and the wife/partner is always having to cope with those changes and sacrafice their own needs. There are some women who like it and get into it. And there are those of us that don’t and for those of us that don’t it is hard to stay with a CD. I think we all know which way we fall. If seeing your CDH in dress doesn’t turn you on, life is going to be a struggle. That is just simply that way it is. If your lucky enough to know before you marry a CD, there is a lot to consider. Especially if your not one of the women who are turned on by it. You have the opportunity to decide if this is the life you can and want to live. We don’t all get that opportunity.

  101. zandra says:

    hi j, yes get as much info for you, and him as you can.
    He needs to get to the bottom of the whys and why nots about crossdressing, for himself to see how this can turn a relationship about.
    You and he will have to make boundries, my H is all fetish,
    so has no desire to go out dressed, ans he has never in 30 plus years doing this, gone on sites for other c/ds.
    He has watched shemale porn, but he does not now, as he said he didnt really get into it. we are both 47 so not something that he has just decided to do,
    there are sites that say oh great you can be his new girlfriend ? but they were not for me, most have been doing this since they were very its deeply engrained in their heads.
    My H is a wonderful man , kind and gentle , but as soon as he gets c/d and does not want to stop, its FOOK HER, and he becomes the most selfish, hobbible nasty man ever. of course when he comes of his high,
    hes mister nice, filled with guilt, till he gets dressed again, so begins the circle that we get drawn into,
    they cant stop just because they hurt us, they cannot stop, as this seems to become the norm to them..Hope this helps J, please dont think im a c/s hater, im not,
    but its a long hard road, and add a few children and it can be toxic..what my H tells me when hes not c/ding
    is the complete opposite when he is.

  102. lillian carta says:

    Dear Lila,
    I asked my now ex-husband if there were any skeletons in his closest many times. His response was to look into my eyes and reply, NO. What a liar! He put my thru the absolute worse emotional stress ever. He is so sneaky. He knew I was a single heterosexual mother. But whenever I would come home from work, I started to notice my clothes were stinky like armpit. Then I noticed my shoes stretched. I have been supportive to the point where my closest family members saw him all dressed in female clothing without judgement. Now, it has been five years and find him sneaking behind my back instant messaging gay friends. I feel that no matter how supportive we are; Crossdressers are selfish and self-absorbed. They want to do everything we do. One minute he nice then just shuts away. He even stopped having sexual relations with me because he got too jealous he didn’t have a vagina. I can keep on going. This cycle is non-stop and hurtful to me and the kids. I have lost my job because of him and he cause me to have depression for four years now. Meanwhile, he is running his business and traveling the world. God only knows what he is really doing on his free time. Oh, he has moved back into the house after our divorce for economical reasons. I can not take this. I don’t care for other cd’s as they all want to be females. Men should accept the bodies God gave them and stop being so addicted to panties.Oh so much for it is just cd, now he is taking female hormornes.

    • Lila says:

      Sorry to hear of your struggles. I do know how you feel. I too, have struggled with depression. Recently, I have really been trying to not let my husband put me in that dark place. I won’t give him that much power over my happiness anymore. It simply isn’t fair to me or my children. His choices are his alone. I can not take away his desires or make him want to be and act like a man. If he chooses this life of misery for himself, then that is his choice. But I don’t have to follow him into that misery. I know he thinks he will be happy if he can CD and act femenine, but it is just a deception of who he really is and deception only brings about misery in the end.

      I agree with you on the selfish thing. I think that like any other addiction, it starts small and grows into this out of control monsterous thing, eventually consuming every aspect of their life. And like any other addiction, they think they can’t live without it. I know for my CDH, it started with just wanting to wear my lingerie, to where he now wants to wear panties, bra, pantyhose, shapewear, lingerie, slip, dress, shoes, make up and hair all at the same time. Don’t know any women that wear their lingerie under their clothes, lol. It is like he just can’t get enough on. And now I have caught him looking at sites about TG, where he can purchase fake breasts and compression undergarments to hide his “manhood” and things of that sort. And also sites/blogs, where he has created a profile where he can discuss this with others. My big problem there is, he is reading other peoples explicit sex stories and then he gets a turn on and obsesses about it and wants me to act it out with him. It is just pornography in yet another form. His new thing is dominance. He wants me to be this abusive disgusting person in the bedroom. It really is abuse. I looked through his history, and read some of the stories he has been reading. It makes me ill. It is abuse of the worst kind, phsycal, emotional and sexual! I don’t know how it can turn him on. These women who do this should be locked up!!! It is very disturbing. Anyways, my point here is that it grows and morphs. It’s like the thrill they get form panties isn’t enough so they do more and more until it gets out of control. And their concern is to get this high from it, not what their spouse or family needs. So yes they are very selfish indeed.

      I have considered moving into my daughters bedroom and continuing in this realtionship as roomates and co-parents, to avoid the divorce scene and spare my children. But this option seems very difficult too. So honestly, i don’t know what the future holds for us. I feel like I am the only one honoring our marriage vows and I don’t know how long I can continue to live this way.

      Keep your head up! Don’t let your ex take your happiness away from you. It is your life and you need to do what is best for you and your children. I am finally learning this. What he does is a reflection of himself, not you. I am learning this too.


  103. victoria says:

    Hi I just found out this week that my husband is a cross dresser. That he likes to have women panties and panty hose on I also found wigs makeup and many other women clothing. We have been trying to work through this and I have many questions and concerns I still love him and want to be supportive. Now my question is sexually I fantasize about being with another women is it ok to be with my husband while he dresses like a women?? Do cross dressers like that?

    • chris says:

      I’d absolutely love that! As a cross dressing hubby I am 100% straight have no desire to be with a man whatsoever like lots of cross dressers. Anything that goes on between a man and woman in the bedroom regardless what clothes they are wearing is perfectly normal to me very kinky and exciting, I can see some womens points were the cross dressing can take over but ours is strictly for the bedroom, I’d never want to embarrass my wife by going out in public dressed up, we have lots of fun sometimes I’m dominant other times she is we play with strap ons bondage everything, like I said if my wife gets me with the strap on , I don’t see anything gay or homo about it as its between a man and woman,I know your hubby would love it too

      • graham says:

        yes my wife dress me up too she has me in a dress bra panties 24\7 days a week i must wear panties al the time yes she use a strap-on all the time on me she told me that i am her sissy wife that she wear the pants now i have to go i getting my hair done that i look more girl i love my wife and being her sissy wife

  104. Lila says:

    I would say most crossdressers would. My husband would be estatic if I was into his crossdressing. For me, I don’t enloy seeing him dressed like a woman, it doesn’t turn me on. But we never have sex unless he is dressed because that is what turns him on. There is alot of information you can find online. But I would say above all to be honest with him about your concerns.

  105. graham says:

    yes i was cuaght wearing a dress by my friend wife she made me her sissy slave house boy she told me if i dont she will tell everyone that i am a cross dresser i said please dont iwill do it i will be your slave and houseboy what do you want me to do frist thing we are going to the mall and buy you some women clothes i have to change frist no you go like that you are ready dress we went to the mall when we got there she toke me into women store the sale lady look at us and ask what have we here i have a man i cuaght wearing my dress nowhe going to get fit with his owen dress bra panties blouse i will be back for her i ask were she was going she told me to the sex store i have to get something for you my dear the sale lady said i have her ready when you come back oh by the way make sure the bra is a little big ohk i will next thing i knew the lady said take off the dress sissy i did as told it was a hour before she was back i am now dress in a maid ouyfit my friend look at me and said you do look like a girl the lady said yes he dos what have you in the bag she show us the faslebreast and hand to the lady she put them in my bra now she said that better he has tits nowthe salelady said i enjoy doing this to him my friend said i thought you would now what are you going to do with him i am going to make him my sissy wife and pimp his ass out to other women to clean thier house the sale lady ask her dos that mean she will learn how to suck cock and that cock up the ass my friend said i never thought of that but why knot the lady said wait here i have something for her when she came back she ask my friend do you what to see what i got she said yes show me just then she pull up her dress there were a straon dido she told my friend i show you how this work come sissy man get on your kness and show us ladys how you suck cock i did as told i toke that dido in my mouth and suck on it she lady your sissy like cock i think he make a good wife just then a man walk in and saw us what going on in here the sale lady said my dear husdand you are just in time now pull your pants down he did as told he too was wearing panties you see lady my husdand wear the panties in our house too now sissy pull his panties down and suck his cock but dont make him cum i want him to come in your ass my friend yes well he did and his wife to him to lick my ass clean she told my friend you see that how i keep my sissy in kine

  106. Lisa says:

    Im 33 yrs old my husband is 45 yrs old we have not long been married goin on 3 yrs. last yr he came to me and told me had to tell me something, I didnt know what was coming but never imagined what he told me. He had said yrs back 20ish he had dressed up in womans cloths and used toys on him self and had them used on him by previous gf and he enjoyed it. Then he said approx 10 yrs ago he had a bi experience with another man he said the experience was enjoyable although he did freak out a little when he ejaculated got his cloths and left. Few yrs went by he was single at this time he would go to motel for a day dress up and use toys on himself he went through phases where he would buy cloths, make up, wigs, high heals, toys, ect. dress up. Then he would start to feel guilty and throw it all away. When he told me all this I was in shock didnt know what to say, think or do, I didnt really say much of nothing but sure didnt like it. I tried to put it out of my mind and thought it was his past I tried to forget it and yes my worst fear was him bringing it up wanting to do it again.
    Our sex life has had its up and downs I guess I can say. My husband has heart problems and is on meds as well. When we met he said he had a low sex drive as mine was alot higher we didnt have sex often went through stages kinda was once a week at times, we played around watched porn couple times a week, then went back to maybe once a week, then every other week then maybe once a month. It started becoming a problem I just felt as he didnt want me or as if I didnt turn him on and he swear it wasnt me just low sex drive. I finally stopped trying to turn him on or mess with him sexually as I would get the let down feeling, it hurt. That went on for some time and my husband came to me and suggested I find me a fwb to satisfy a need he wasnt filling. It took me a few months to accept it and finally did. My husband found me a fwb set it up but one condition he wanted to see pics. The thought of me doin this really seemed to turn him as the pics did as well.
    My husband started making comments about dressing up again and all finally one day I just gave in and went with it I dont know why maybe to get some the attention from him Ive been wanting again and was trying to understand and make him happy. I went bought a wig and we both went the adult store got toys, lingerie and make up went home he went in bathroom put make up and came out we played around I used toy on him. Although it was awkward and I didnt have a clue what I was doing I guess it wasnt that bad but very different seeing him dressed as a woman. He said then he didnt want to do it again as it was awkward. Few months went by he brings it up again by this time our sex life is much of nothing and he looks at craigslist alot all categories and watches porn alot (shemale,cross dressing, stapon, ext.) jacks off doing so on his rain days and to be honest that really bothers me because of our sex life he deprives me from it and makes me feel as he would rather jack off then have sex with me. Hes brought up and made comments about the glory hole till I got tired of hearing it I finally said to go even though I really didnt want him to I told him I was fine with it so he went said nothing happen but he went a few times through out the weeks. My husband says he’s bi bottom and has fantasy were he is dressed up in lingerie and gets banged by a guy in another words he wants to be someones bitch. As I love my husband and would do most anything to please him and make him happy Im trying to understand and be open as I can about this all so we try playing again with each other. I did his make up this time was fun doin it as we joked around and all during. I took pics of him dressed up didnt really look to bad I did good job lol then we fooled around I took charge pleased him with toy. I didnt want to be pleased was trying to let it be about him we finished wasnt bad he really seemed enjoy it. Not long after that he wanted to bring a man into so would be the 3 of us, I agreed was willing to try but when it happened I wanted to leave I didnt want to be there and the next day I really didnt want my husband to touch me had alot going through my mind and told my husband it made me sick to my stomach. After that he didnt bring it up for awhile and didnt want to talk about it he still watched porn when I wasnt home and all. Its caused alot of arguments we have never fussed till this and seems this is all we fuss about, our lack of sex life and bi stuff. Couple months ago he brings it up again same stuff glory hole, ect. but now our sex life is nothing as he says its not staying hard says its the meds but has been on meds almost 6 months pretty much all the passion and all is gone except for the kisses on the forehead in the mornings and being held at night if we not fussin about this. I try to tell him how I feel and there is more than sex in a relationship but a woman still needs to feel wanted and physical touch. Anyway he goes to the glory hole and this time somethng happens he give a man oral and gave guy hand job and went into a both with a guy and the guy fked him and he said he loved it. That weekend I got alot of attention kisses ect and him thanking me for letting him do it and now wants to take it further. He wants us to experience this with another man again or men. We still agrue about it and about our sex life and lack of it, its hard even though Im trying to understand and be open its hard as hell and puttin a big strain on us. Im not sure what more I can do.. I just my husband to be my husband and want me.

    • Shelly says:


      Just as your husband is who he is – YOU are who YOU are. Don’t compromise YOURSELF. If this is not for you, then that should be respected. To ask you to change your sexual orientation or sexual preferences as if it doesn’t mean anything to you is a total lack of respect. Some things SHOULDN’T be compromised on…

    • kim9645 says:

      Hi Lisa,I relate to your story.My husband is a crossdresser.Im 59 and he told me about15 years ago.I found it very hard to accept for years.He went to counselers for a while,but It did not seem to be changing him to much.Our sex life was pretty good when we were first married.We have three children who are grown now.So it was good for a while.I think the crossdressing has been a constant conflict with our sex life.I dont think he has any ideas of gay sex but just loves dressing up and going to his cross dressing club.I came to point several years ago that I need sex and wasnt getting it from him.We love each and dont want a divorce and we enjoy each other very much.Part my issue has been that I want to be the pretty one,not him.One night I brought up the idea to him about my sexual needs and he understood my thoughts.I told him I wanted a boyfriend to satisfy me and I would not stand in the way of his crossdressing.Fast forword,I have going out with a guy from my office for a while now.My husband is happy that Im happy.He helps me shop for clothes and encourages me to pick pick outfits that are sexy.

      • graham says:

        dear lisa i am a 60 old male and been wearing panties bras nighties for years i now have two master one i live with she has me in panties and bra all the time the other one i am her sissy girl maid i get to lick and suck her strap-on cock then her boyfriend cock need to suck off now for your husband it time you make him a sissy girl and feed him your strap-on cock he will like it

  107. amber says:

    Hi my name is amber n my fiance told me he crossdresses after I. Moved in with him it bothered me at first and still does to an extent he open about it with me and tells me he does it cause it helps with stress but what bothers me is when he’s dressed he looks just like a woman. to the point its scary. It doesn’t bother him to go into public like that or even bother him to tell people he does it.we are pregnant n I’m worried the baby will find out he does it and it bothers me since I’ve been pregnant I can’t stand him do it and he has supported my feelings but says everyday how he wants to. He does acrylic nails and even hair extensions and nags at me about my makeup and clothing and gets upset because I don’t like to wear heals and I don’t do much with my hair. I don’t know what to do and have nobody to talk to can someone help me

    • graham says:

      hi amder well if like been the wife you should do the same thing that happen to me i became the wife my gf made me her wife i have know say she told me if i dress as a women you will become one you are now my wife and i wear the pants now if you dont like it there the door i told her yes i your wife and here to please you as a wife now my dear girl go out and buy the big dido cock you can find and turn him in to the women he wants you to after you do that tell him now my wife i hope you like that becuase i will wear the pants from now on after the baby born you will become my full time babysitter he will do as i did i become her house maid

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  112. graham says:

    yes since I been wearing women clothes my gr told me I have come a lovey house wife so I think I will have your breasts enlarge and all your hair remove that way when I get a new bf I will teach you how to please a man now dear its time you have my strap-on cock up your pussy ass well she ripe my panties off and shove her strap-on cock in my ass it hurt a bit then soon I like it the next thing I knew I cum all over the bed she told me yes my bitch came like a women then she pull out and shove it in my mouth I clean it off just like a bitch would do now go shower she said and put on that yellow night I want my new boyfriend to see you in that and maybe he will let you suck his cock I told her I would like that well it happen I suck his cock and then he shove is cock in me he told my gf you have made one sweet sissy yes she said it toke me a year but that all he live for now to be my bitch girl

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  114. Eugene Hunnewell says:

    Having been a crossdresser for over 60 yrs and married for 42 yrs my wife had the same feelings as expressed here but after reading a book labeled “My Husband Betty” it explained the lifestyle and when one of our gradchild 3yrs old asked for dresses she understood some are born with chromosomes that lean towards the life style though she passed away over 2 yrs ago i have been out to everyone (2 sisters,,parents when alive, 6 children and now 6 grandchildren,work church and friends. I am still the same loving man and father long before any one knewI have never changed but those that first found out tagged me as a weird person until they educated themselves on the lifestyle. I do agree there are many so called crossdressrs which are only men with a fetish. For me it is a lifestyle and have been accepted by everyone who knows. .I am and have always been heterosexual. Not saying its easy to accept but who is the one that changed.

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  121. kelly says:

    Hello, I’m married going on 8yrs and with my husband for 15yrs. I always knew he CD but hope it would go away. He even takes it as far as going out fully done to gay bars because he feels more comfortable going there as a CD. He says he’s NOT gay and loves and wants our marriage but I can’t deal with it anymore. Especially after having our son. He also has a fascination with trying to put people into trance’s!!! I have dealt with this as thinking it was just a foreplay type of deal..But he crossed a line doing it to someone else BUT not having sex. But the fact that he tried it outside our marriage is a big problem for me!!! I have other issues in our marriage but this is a HUGE part in it and I don’t know how to deal. He says it makes him feel more in tuned with my feelings and connected to me. I don’t see how when he’s actually going out dressed with makeup and all. It’s not like he just dresses up. It’s full blown wigs, makeup, nails….Everything a “woman” would do to go out. He even went as far to take vitamans to increase his breast size but says he doesn’t want to “become” a woman but wants to increase his sexual arousal and being more intimate with me. With me, that just pushes me away!!! It grosses me out!!! I love my husband but not sure if I’m still in love with him and if I can EVER deal with the CD!!! We are working on our marriage but lines have been crossed that I just don’t know if I will ever get over or come back from!! So hurt and confused!!! Any help is appreciated!!! Feeling so lost!!!

    • graham says:

      after my wife throw me out I was walking down the road when a car pull up and stop she ask if I want a ride I said yes she look at me and said what happen to you I told her what happen she said you poor thing why don’t you come with me for tea at my place I said tea that would be nice when we got there I toke my coat off I hope you don’t mind this was the only thing I could wear she said you look fine in that blouse and pants she went and got the tea we talk a bit and it was getting late I told her I should go and find a molet she no you can stray here I said thanks but I donk think it would be right don’t be silly here you can sleep in this room and you can shower in my bathroom I said ok then I went and had a shower when I came out she was on the bed I had a towl around me she pull the towel away yes she said I thought you had breasts I saw them thought your blouse come here I want to feel them I did as told she put her hand on them yes very nice tits then she got up walk over to her closet and brought out a short blue nightie put it on I did as told then she toke me by the hand to her room and that were I saw her sex toys she told me she told me that she sell them then she sat me at her make up table and did my make up when she was done I had red lips there she said I like my sissy girl with red lips then she told me since you are looking at the toys is there one you like to try no I let you pit one she said that good of you she did I think this cock dido will do nicethen she ripe my nightie off and bend me over and shove that cock in me hard I yell I told her it was to big she told me shut up bitch soon it didn’t hurt there I came over her bed I was well fuck now bitch lick that up I did and lick her cock that a good bitch now in the morning when I got up there was a maid out fit I put it on she walk in and said you look good in that from now on you are my maid bitch now come I need to put a plug in your pussy ass and now I become her slave

  122. graham says:

    yes I am a sissy girl as I write this I am in my panties bra dress I been a sissy girl for ten years and I like my life as one it strated one day by my ex wife when we were together I came home one day and fond my clothes gone I ask her what was up she told me to get out of my male clothes I did as told then she told me to shower and shave then come to bedroom when I was done I went to her there she hand me a bra panties told but them on then a dress yes you look nice in that outfit you will wear that this evening now come I want you to do the house work and make dinner I did as told while I was cleaning and getting dinner she went out when she came back it was all done she sat down I servce her dinner I went to sit down when she told me you stand beside me you are my maid well then she hand me some water and two pills take them you need to have them its been three month now since I taken the pills and I have breasts yes my wife said you are a sissy girl you have tits like a girl now here come the bad news you are no longer my hudbend you are my slave and I am going to pimp you out as a maid bitch now a male friend is coming over and you are his bitch for to-night well he came and told my wife is she ready yes she is good I came into the room he look at me and said yes very nice come here girl get on your knees I did he drop his pants well bitchi knew what he want I open my mouth and put my lips up to his cock yes my wife said my sissy is sucking cock well knot only sucking cock but take it up my pussy ass afther two year she throw me out and told me have a nice life as a sissy girl maybe you can find work as a maid for someone

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    • sissy bun says:

      well its been a year now and yes i found work as a maid i rent a room from a man he told me if i help out around here my rent was free i told him yes i move in one day while he was at work i clean the house only in my panties i didnt hear him come in well he look at me and said do i have here i told a male in panties do you like yes i do then i open his pants pull out his cock and suck him off and now i am his bitch

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  137. Jean Eives says:

    Hi I am a cross dresser for over 60 years. was married for 42 years (now widowed) and have 6 adult children and 6 grandchildren. I have been out to everyone (family, friends,work and church) for over 35 years. and accepted by all. there is a very good book i would like to suggest to those who have concerns about cross dressing partners,family and friends. The book is “My Husband Betty” written by Helen Boyd. There is also a support group for cross dressers and their partners called “tri Ess” the Society for the Second Self, Inc

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  139. Lisa says:

    Omg all of you women whinnying about you want a man ok. Here’s what you need a beer drinking wife smacking asshole who runs around and screws every girl in town. Is that what you want? I don’t think so. I have been a crossdreser and wear panties every day so what you think this is the life I ever wanted. But you know what I get over it and move on. I had a wife who after 14 years of marriage pulled the card out and told her boy friend that I was and I was pissed off that she told me she never would ever tell anyone but she did. Why is felt she needed to tell her now boyfriend some thing that hurt me so deep that I was mortified. And she was happy to do it. We have two kids that now know due to her mother telling my kids some thing that young children do not need to know. For years you yelled equal rights for woman and you wanted a man who is able to cry well you got it so except it. Do you love him or what it’s not like he is tell you hey let’s bring a guy in and he can make love to both of us grow up and think about real problems.

    • janedon says:

      Yup-Women screamed(& still are) for equaulity–But still want to deny men the same right–Looks to me like back to the 50s–If you don’t fit into an accepted mold-your outcast from society!
      Fathers dressing is in NO way going to harm children–It’s just playing dressup!

      • Lisa says:

        After reading some of the complaints on here more I find that the women here are so scared that there husband must look better dressed up then they do as a normal woman huh… Well ladies let’s take a look inside your self and I mean deep inside. Let’s start with how do you look for your husband. Are you the I don’t give a fuck wife who sits on her lard ass and just looks at him to bring home the money for you to spend it on shoes and stuff for you? Are you the type who puts on make up before he comes home after you spent some time getting the house ready and a meal cooked so that you and him can spend some time together and rediscover each other. Do you ?? I think your lazy no different then a whore on the street on a Friday night. The only thing your missing is a pimp to smack you around and tell you to sell your pussy bitch… Now for the men who crossdress they are as normal as the day is long. They just want to take the role of a different sex to be soft and to feel love. What is so wrong with that I am not telling you to take him out in public in less he wants to but he wants to be with you and be who he is on the inside with you. But you call him a out cast and make fun of him call him a fag or queer. All the while you sit on the couch and watch your shows and make him come home to a fat lazy slob of a woman but he married a small fit lovable girl of his dreams and told her the one secret he in trusted to you. And what did you do you laughed at him insulted him and made him feel small and hurt. Yeah you the one who carried the children and suffered child birth but how he wished it could of been him to carry a small bit of the wight so to help you but yet you laughed at him. You told him that you want to be the girl not him but he found you to be every thing he wanted and yet you still insult him and make him feel more and more less of a man to you. Well he is my wish for you. I wish you all had the man I wish for you a man who beats you calls you a slut and a whore smack you around and treats you like shit some one who you can leave and sees you like trash. Someone who totally is abusive and goes around have sex with a lot of other women and comes home to you for some ass and gives you std and then maybe you will think hey the crossdresser guy was not that way and he never hit me or ran around and he only wanted me to love and accept him as he was think on it girls

        Lisa Kay

  140. Lisa says:

    Hi jane
    Ok so far what I read here is a bunch of fat ass women who one are so self pity is pissing me off so let’s start at the beginning with me I served 19 yrs in the us military combat wounded and have three children. I was married for 14 yrs and thought my life was rough but so are all of the marriages I knew. Two months ago my wife left me for a guy I served with in Iraq and healed up with. Ok I asked her why and she told me it was because I wore panties all the time and she had a problem with me crossdressing. Now like all CDs we purge to make or wife’s happy only to buy more to feel accepted by our selfs. Now I grew up in a normal hetro home like all Christian mother and father listened to how god is going to send all fags to hell and crossdressers go to the front of the line also don’t even think that killers go to the front. But I was scared that there was something wrong with me because I felt that some how I was born in the wrong body and always found girls clothes fun and cute. I once got caught in my sisters dress with bra and panties in heels on and my mother beat me so hard that I she left welts all over my back and legs. She treated me less then what you treat a dog and yelled at me for doing it. Now fast forword some years I told my wife that I was a crossdresser and she knew before we married. And it was a secret between us well when she was hooking up with her new boyfriend my ex best friend he asked her what she was hiding about me and according to her he made her tell him. I felt betrayed and hurt that the trust between us was broke and could never be fixed but it was when her mother told both of my kids because she was pissed off at me that your father is a crossdresser and a fag and he watches porn. She now has no visits with my kids and can not until five years and a mental Eval is done she was a nurse for mental homes and I even told her. I informed her that all she told them at age 11 and 9 is not unlawful and at that age they didn’t need to know that and it’s not like I was running the streets and walking around the house dressed up and looking for some cock. After all that she now knows how bad she hurt me and I was the one who was supporting her mother my father and her along with two kids and paying all the bills while others sit on there ass having nothing to do while I was working and trying to make a home. But that was all blown apart by two women who hated the fact that I was not like the other guys I came home every day from work and didn’t go out fucking around with every girl in town and getting DUI and drunk to act like such a ass. I now have a life that I am comfortable with and my kids are safe around me so many for the girls here say it’s selfless that he wants to dress like a girl then why are you wearing boxers to bed and men’s shirts to sleep in you should be wearing long sleeping gowns and stuff like that it seem like a double standard to me. Why should men support you to me it’s no different then a whore every Friday he comes home with money and you give him some sex and he is happy he got it. You all act like being a girl is so hard all he asked for is you to clean up the house cook a meal and have sex with him but you girls fucked that up. May be you girls should go to Iraq and learn how bad the woman gets treated there beat for no reason other then he can do what he wants. And all of you look at a guy who dresses up and mock him look at yourself you bunch of cows… Grow up put your big girl panties on and act like you have some common sence

    Lisa Kay

    • zahdah says:

      Hi “Lisa”,
      Why do so many CDs refer to any non CDs as abusive, sleeping around, cruel men? Are those the only 2 choices? Also, so often, you refer to CDs wives as fat and lazy, and that they must fear that their husbands look better than they. I have never been called lazy, I hate soap operas, and, going by the looks I get from other men, I’m quite hot. I probably do more in a day, then many men do in a week. I grinde my own flour, bake everything from scratch, (organic), grow as much of my own food as possible, keep my house tidy, sew, homeschool our children, teaching them to also do all these things, and, when I have time, I do renos. His problem has nothing to do with his wife. But, one important piece of advice, though you may know it is wrong, do not judge him, a wife’s role is to love, honour, and respect her husband, no matter what. My husband, who has been clean for a year now, had to find the truth on his own, with God, not by what I told him.

      • Lisa says:


        Hi well let me explain more of what I mean I to was raised in a church were god hated all that were not in his fold. I don’t like to do this because it crosses so many boundaries but I am going to educate you on the Christians.
        1) how was the first woman in the garden of Eden. Your answer must be eve but are you sure. Wrong the first one according to the true Jewish text her name was Lilith go look it up and read it and your eyes will be opened. Funny how that sounds. She was made the same way as Adam from the dust of the earth.
        2) there is a thing that happens to the bible it’s called omitance the Jews get to get her and rip out pages in the bible so it makes some sence to the Gentiles. Oh by the way did you know who the philistines were? Oh there you and me the ungodly ones that’s us.
        3) if you keep your body in good shape great it’s your health that’s important to your children and to him but let’s look again at history. High heels that you wear where invented for men in India to use when riding horses. Stocking also for me in the late Victorian time. Corsets oh my go look at armor made in Greece late time after the cloth armor. Oh yeah gaters made for men make up for men same time frame of Victorian.
        4) so who is the real crossdresser I think it’s you do you sleep in boxers oh god no those are men underwear. How about his tee shirt no no no that’s crossdressing. So I am glad that you make your own stuff thanks from the Eco friendly types but here’s some of your gods laws I know you go to church do you have long hair you have to look it up and if you go in to a church you must cover your head it’s in the Old Testament or due you want to play with that’s old and we go by the new last time I seen one it’s one book not two. And even looking or having guys look at you with lust in there heart is a sin so think about it. All he has done is played a game of dress up wow what a sin go let him play what harm is it if you and him play as long as the children are affected and have to view him. Guess what no harm no problem keep it in the bed room. Girl if you are having a problem with him doing this I think you need to count your lucky stars he could be standing on the street corner or picking up some girl and sleeping around behind your back. You see there is no harm in crossdressing look at it this way if he is the same size you get extra bras and panties and dresses and he can’t complain because he buys them with you. Think about it and go look up the whole text of the bible and the Jewish text be smart about it the close minded never see what’s in front of them and don’t listen to some guy tell you what it says read it and research for the truth be kind to each other and learn how to please each other. My marriage ended not because of being transgender but that she was not secured in her self and she is paying the price the guy she left me for is a jerk the old saying is once a cheater always a cheater. Some day after the fall of grace and the new wears off she will think about what she kicked to the curb. Don’t be like her if you truly love him you find a way to accept him as he is, don’t drive him into a closet so he feels like you love him only as what you want. Last time I looked you love them as they are faults and all not for what parts you want.

        Lisa Kay

  141. Lisa says:


    It’s lisa I forgot to add some thing important you asked is there only two types of men and the answer is no. There are men out there who have sicker fantasy that would make your hair turn white but there are men who are soft to there love ones and that was me I never hit my wife or made remarks about her weight. Did she ever think about what I did around the house the answer was no I cook clean mow grass clean cars and worked hard to pay the bills to include her mothers bills and one night her mother wanted to verbally fight me and told my kids I was a fag crossdresser and I watch porn none of the things are unlawful. But she had to say some thing that was hurtful to feel big all it got her was five years on contact with her grand children and kicked out of my house her phone shut off and her car insurance turned off. You see I worked hard for a family to make it in a world with no rules. The other men I talk about is why do girls love a guy who beats the shuff out of them and still they go back and try to make him a better man well I hate to tell them there is no better man there. How about the guy next door looking at the wife next door most men a dogs they only think about what wet hole they can stick there dick in. Or the guy who smokes pot or the guy who loves to look at little kids or the guy who runs to the strip bars with his buddy’s and then acts like nothing is wrong. There are many types but if your husband told you he likes to crossdress let him most likely he is wearing some clothing of your only to keep you close be happy and remember a guy wearing panties is not going to met a girl.

    • zahdah says:

      Hi again “Lisa”,
      I will try to address what you said, as far as I understood them. Though I shall not address what you claimed about the original beginnings of the bible. I have been told, looked into them, many versions that twisted the bible. I have lost interest in pursuing this. All those things you mentioned, heels, garters, make-up, boxers, I do not wear. I actually don’t wear anything to bed. You accuse me of many things that do not apply to me. I follow what God has taught me to be as a wife, so I already conform to His rules. Also, my husband does his role now too. He is an amazing husband now. When he was CDs he was very selfish. He rarely would help around the house, have very little input with the children, and, if it wasn’t all about him, he was not very interested in sex. In fact, he got upset with me many times, because he felt I was pressuring him for sex. This has devestated my sex drive. It has been quite a healing process, but we now make amazing love instead, whenever either one of us wants it. Because we both gave ourselves, and each other, completely I God, He has blessed our marriage beyond what I imagined. I know you have been hurt very deeply, and I’m sure your story in not uncommon, but there is hope. My husbands story, and mine, is a story of hope. That is why I share. With God, there is hope. Gotta go, my sweet hunny just sent me kisses 😀

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  143. Lisa says:

    Ok girls here we go again are you so insecure that a pair of panties on your man is so bad a taboo item and just wrong? First off let’s look at the big picture, do you know what purging is most of the cross dressers go through this phase and then end up right back where they were. So let’s re-examine the problem between you and him. So here we go with he is wearing bras and panties under his clothes or in the bed room. Are you scared that he is gay? No he is not I am transgendered and cd is not gay they are all male and the clothing is a way to cope with the stress of the outside world and in my book so what grow up and quit bitching girls. Also as long as it stays in the bed room it’s fine now if you find him on the street corner picking up johns you may need to find a new man. Now where do I get my information simple go look it up. Most of these men hide this part of there life and die with out ever being excepted as a man by there spouse and that is what really hurts they are all man with feelings and softer hearted then most the truth is it not the clothes as much as your clothes he wants to feel you wrapped around him. And some times it’s because he needs to just express what he feels inside. So no he is not a fag queer gay or any other names. The thing that hurts the most is you think you are the victim here but you most likely cross dress your self and don’t even know it. Boxers one of his tee shirts these items are as male as it gets but is he on a site like this bitching about it no! So girls stop it and talk to him he needs to know he is loved and that it is ok with you as long as you put in place ground rules.
    Now as for me I am a former crossdresser who has and was always a transgender male to female but here’s some thing you didn’t know I am a retired military man who was combat wounded and has two children that I love with all my heart. I take the time to go to the saloon and get my daughter a nail and toe job done and sit right there with her and get the same. I take my son fishing and show him how to be a man and not to be rude and hateful but to be kind and learn how to treat a lady and my daughter i show her to be understanding of all types of peaple. So as a Purple Heart wounded warrior who has seen the true face of hate that is full of misunderstanding I am here to stand up for your men so stop the hate lady’s and start seeing him as a man who is loving and wants to be with you he only cares for you so grow up look up the percentage of men that are doing just this vary thing and see who many kill them selfs because of not being accepted

    Thank you

  144. Lisa says:

    Like I just replayed to a comment so here girls your hubby is a fag a queer he want to have a pussy between his legs and tits on his chest. Run him off get rid of him god told you he is a fag and once a fag always a fag he likes it up the butt he’s a sinner. Tell his friends and family make him out to be a sick bitch make it where he has no place to go and no rest. Is that what you want to hear I have made statements of stop sitting on your ass and fat ass comments yes ok…. 90 percent of this country of obese so if you are in that category so sorry but I don’t think that cross dressers are so bad that he should be ran out of town we have made great advancements in life to not let some backwords Christian crap like David keresh and Jim jones types run who we are as a person. So he likes to dress up and you say he is selfless and won’t have sex with you. Look at sex like a Christmas package would you like it waped up are in a plain brown bag. I like the bows and ribbons. So that’s just how you should be doing. And if he is selfless ask why?????

  145. Abby says:

    Your misogyny is showing. To suggest that a wife should have no strong feelings about the previously-hidden sexuality (sexual identity, sexual preference, or sexual orientation) of her partner is ridiculous. And to suggest that the wife can turn HER sexuality into whatever her husband wants is dismissive and insulting.


    • Lisa says:

      Thanks jane. And now to Abby first off as a former cd I hid in a closet of same and guilt over the thing that girls wear wow really. As far as girls go so many of you cis gender girl act like your the only ones who can do what you want without any regard to others it is like you get to say what you want and no one has the right to comment back on it. Now as I sit here reading your idea of him hiding the fact that a man was not truthful about that he likes to wear panties and bras I do agree he should of talked before the wedding. But what if you knew before hand then what do you accept him for what he is or do you run him off as a fag a queer,tranny there are so many name s that we can pull out of the bag. But what pisses me off is the fact that a lot of the cis gender girls here are so up set about a guy who is just wearing panties and likes them most girls wear boxers to bed and around the house. So what’s the big deal I don’t understand it I told my ex wife before we ever got married and at one point towards the end she pulled it out like she just found out and I drop kicked her for it. Later she came to me and told me that she lied about it and she just wanted to use something to justify her wanting to leave me and fuck my once best friend. So don’t act like your husband is so bad as long as he comes home to you and loves you and try’s to make you happy I look at like this put aside your religion and see your life from a different place and see if he is doing the right things and what can you do to help him don’t be like the others and just want to get up on your soap box and perch about how wrong he is see what you can do to improve yourself for him and he will do the same

      Love Lisa

  146. Abby says:


    LOL…I’m sorry…where did I give you the impression that I was in the least religious?

    I’ve been out of my marriage to a crossdresser for many years. I tried, really did. It tore me apart to have to leave. And, believe me, I was not taking the easy way out. I had no education, at the time, and had to put myself through college as a single parent, but it was absolutely necessary in order to keep my sanity. The deception just went on and on and on. What started out as “just comfortable, more sensual clothes” was found to be, after years of me compromising and ignoring what my gut was telling me, an all-encompassing sexually-driven fetish that was necessary for him to be sexual with me at all.

    How do you think it feels to a wife…after 15 years and 2 toddlers…to find out that, not only is the man she married, and crawls into bed with, NOT a man (his fantasies were exclusively of being a woman, sexually), but that SHE, the wife, was being made into a male in her husband’s eyes? Where, exactly, does this place the wife, in her own bed? What do you think this does to a heterosexual woman who is attracted to men and wants to be desired as a woman BY a man? To one who is not attracted to women in the least? What does it do to her own feelings of being a desirable woman, to realize that she was NEVER what turned him on? And what does she hope for, when she realizes that THIS is her husband’s sexuality, and she will never experience being desired as a woman by a man, let alone feel desire for the feminine caricature of a woman who now prances about the house?

    To equate this mind-twist to a woman wearing her husband’s Tshirt to bed…it’s like equating a convicted pedophile to a concerned father who is keeping an eye on his kids at the park. Two totally different motivations for hanging around the playground, don’t you think? Motivations behind actions DO count… and, in my experience, crossdressing was absolutely a sexually motivated compulsion.

    I commend you for being truthful to your wife…and, I agree with you, strangely enough, about it being low to use this against you later, as a way of manipulating the situation to her advantage…but, I wonder…how truthful were you? I know that, if my ex would have been truthful to me, I would not have married him. What self-respecting heterosexual woman WOULD?

    Picture this, as the man holds his fiance’s hands and looks into her eyes: “You know, Hon, when we go to bed, I don’t even see you as a sexy, desirable woman. I am caught up in these fantasies that I am the woman…and you are a man (See! Totally hetero!). You, yourself, don’t excite me at all. It is just the invasive fantasies of becoming a woman, myself, that really does it for me. And, eventually, I hope to be able to introduce “the real me” to you, even though you made it clear from the start that you are not attracted to other women…but, if you REALLY love me, you’ll accept this…especially once we have small children, and your options are limited. It really shouldn’t matter if I misrepresented myself to you, from the moment I met you, as being uber-masculine and a manly-man, for over a decade. I was just in denial…Hope you don’t mind, because if you do, well then, you must never have really loved me in the first place. Love you!.

    Sorry, Lisa (by the way, love your name…have a sister with that name!), but I truly believe that marriages that break up over crossdressing are not a “fault” situation. It is sexual incompatibility, pure and simple. Especially in cases where both partners are young, who knows what these weird feelings mean? The fault comes in when a wife is not allowed to feel what she feels because it is labeled as “transphobic” or prejudiced or selfish. I honestly can understand not being straightforward about this at the beginning of a relationship. I don’t condone it…but I understand it. But when it comes out after love is established, commitments are made, families started, finances intertwined…it becomes painful for all involved, including the crossdresser. From my understanding, there are women out there who LOVE this in a partner. You need to find one of them. But don’t dismiss the true feelings of the women who have tried their damnedest to accept, but are unable to do so. Their feelings are just as valid as yours.


    • Lisa says:


      Thanks for clearing up what you stated in you first comment I see where you were at and yes hiding is so wrong to the husband or the wife. I am sorry that you had that happen I myself was married for 14 years and loved her vary much but after four of her affairs and the lies she came up to me and told me she was in love with a man who I trusted in a combat zone. You see I was in Iraq in the war and was combat wounded with Purple Heart he was not and has nothing to offer that I didn’t have. So she left me to go with some one who was just like me and is more of a problem like the old saying you can’t hunt in some one else’s back yard but he did behind my back. But that is a different story all together and I won’t go into it right now. But I am so proud that you decided to make a life for yourself I have a older daughter who is in collage and I told her to not be like the other girls and sit on there ass and never stand up for them selfs get a education and be self made not like the lazy ass bitches I have seen while I was in the army who didn’t do shit and yelled at there husbands about not having the money that she wanted. I want only the best for my kids and a education is the one thing I can give. I am a transgender girl and yes I did lie to myself for years and now I am in transistion to become a woman and I am happy I have a boyfriend who loves me and accepts me it great. I hope and pray that your wounds are healed and I am sorry about the Christian comment I thought you were going to start getting on a soap box and try to convert the sinners lol I hope you do find a man who treats you good and loves you as a woman just don’t carry a scar from the last

      Love Lisa

  147. Abby says:


    No problem, I’m fine. That was a long time ago.

    I am so glad that you found a partner that you can be yourself with. Everyone deserves that.

    I am engaged to a man who is wonderful for me. And I wouldn’t be who I am now, had I not had my past. I am a strong, independent woman who knows what is important in life. If I had stayed in that relationship, I would have been a shell of myself. A defeated, spiritless, mentally shut-down shadow of a person. I would never have gone back to school, never have found out that I was actually GOOD at something, never would have been a role model to my kids. In fact, it was my turning point. But it was one of the most painful things I ever experienced.

    I blamed myself, for years, for not being able to accept this in my husband…in large part because of the “support sites” and resources that told me that “this was just clothing choices”, and that I should compromise (on what? being a man in bed? having a female husband?) and focus on HIS pain (after all, he has been feeling this for all his life…). Wives are told, repeatedly, that if we truly loved our husbands, we would accept them unconditionally, even if this was something that was carefully hidden for the entire relationship. I think that many women get caught in this trap. Women are socialized to sacrifice for their families, to make things work for the good of their children. As someone who was not raised as a woman, perhaps you could clarify my thinking for me…although it seems as if your opinion of women in general is a bit low? I am not saying that all women are great examples of woman-hood, but “lazy-assed bitches” are not my experience of the women I know.

    Quick question…the “support sites” that are available to wives who find themselves in my previous situation (husband a crossdresser, wife didn’t know, all of a sudden…their husband is dressing and acting female, wanting her involvement, dismissing her concerns by equating this with golf, etc.), what is your take on this? I am trying to be objective about this, but, if these men are like my ex, it is a massive distortion of the truth. A huge rationalization that traps a wife into accepting something, very gradually, that she would never have agreed to, if she knew what this was really about. From where you stand now, are the wives being misled?

    You don’t have to answer, but it would be appreciated.


    • zahdah says:

      Abby, good on you for saying yes to your feelings, because what you said about women being told they shouldn’t feel like that, or they’re being selfish, is very true. It’s very difficult to stand up for yourself in a situation like that. I wish all these women could dimiss the “you should feel guiltily for your feelings”, and stand up for them. As you said, you become a shell of who you are, if you don’t.

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    • Lisa says:

      Hi girls it Lisa
      I want to tell you a little truth of the types of men there are out here in the world
      1) a pro he works hard in a office may be a doctor lawyer or banker high vp of a big co but most are going out to lunch dates to stuff the secretary. And go home at night to look at the wife as dog chow or hay I need to get some ass! On the other side there is hard working men out there who work long hours come home to see the wife and love to spend that time he gets once in a blue moon and takes every min to spend as much being a father and a lover to her.
      2) the blue collar he works in the weather hard to get every dime he can overtime comes to this guy all the time. He loves to play hard sports and family time…. He is the type who humps the wife hard fast and deep to get his job done. And then gos to the bar to drink with his buddy’s and bitch about the family. The flip side some of these men come home and love to see her and spend time and wants to be home with her but I steed returns to work so he can meet the bills and it’s sad these guys die young in there 50s…

      Both men are hard workers and try to be everything for the family..
      Now the military men
      1) officer he sits inside most of his career and orders others to do the stuff he won’t and he gets his joys but hanging out with his friends at meetings and stable calls (bars) on base. He try’s to look at every ass that walks his way and acts like the big man… On the reverse there are some of theses officers who don’t the lead by example and work hard hoping they get to spend a day with her and the kids because he has to go back to war is sad but some of these guys die vary young 30s…

      2) enlisted (nco) he is were the rubber meets the road a hard charger who runs the show after the officer says hay do this two types the ones who can keep his dick out of a girls mouth and butt and the ones who are married both have the chance to screw around but don’t all have the ability to because it’s how we are but there life can end quick and die vary young ave age 19-30 yrs of age all have a chance of being a cross dresser and all have a chance to get girls but it takes a woman to see that all of these men have the one thing. There is love in them it’s up to her to find it and see it

      Love Lisa

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  153. lisa kay says:

    Well its been awhile so lets recap shall we now to all hetros.
    1) if you bash anyone of the lgbt or cross dressers we will hunt you down drag you through the streets and black list your name all over the internet.
    2) this whinning stops when you grow up if you have a CD get over it we now have more rights now then we ever did. And treating anyone of us ill is now a hate crime.
    3) ladies so many of you think that a dress on a man is just so wrong thats you option.
    4) its time to get with the times plain and simple if you dont like it… To bad…
    5) lgbt is here and now we have more help in taking your butt out and making you look like jim jones then ever. So stop the hate… It starts at home with accepting things are differnt. What are you going to do if your child starts cross dressing??? Are you going to call them fag and kick them out of the house… No you talk and accept. We all hope that or kids are safe and will talk to us about any problem they have. And that we can help lead them in the right path.but the hate must stop now…
    6) cross dressers this is far you truthfulness is your watch word tell you wifes and accept she may not love you anymore. Find someone who will… Let her run off get rid of her she is not worth you time.. She will find every fault you have. Dont walk away run.. There aee places where girls want you. And are now afraid of your cross dressing. Also you are not sick in the head like some of the inscure types here.
    7) be kind to each other. I kinb word goes farther in life.. And if they dont accept now they will when laws are put in place with jail time added and no one to help them…

    • Jay says:

      Amen. I am as masculine as any man (while tempered) and dress better than most women. Cut her loose and find someone that won’t make you feel like shit about yourself. You’re not the one with the problem. The truth shall set you free….

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  155. Edna says:

    I found out my husband is a cross dresser … from his craiglist.. he’s a whore and more sites .. so many..
    He went from a 180 pound man .. to a 150 pound woman!!
    He dresses go to the gay bar!!
    Along.. he no longer has sex with me!!
    Our life is a living HELL!!
    Maybe not his .. he still doing.. sex with everyone.. but me!! But that’s may fought!!! Getting out of this..

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